Results 1 to 15 of 15
  1. #1
    Junior Member TWOBABYBEANS's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    646
    Rep Power
    55

    Default stepfather vs. father

    My step daughters step father seems to think he has the same rights as her biological father (my husband) who has 50-50 custody with his ex. Does anyone know where I can find info on this? He is such a moron, and speaks before the biolocial mother does!!

  2. #2
    Expert Forum User
    NikkiJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Wharncliffe and Riverside
    Posts
    5,974
    Rep Power
    552

    Default

    Rights in what way? Has he taken the child to a doctor and gave permission to perform something? Has he disciplined the child? Made a huge decision with impact?

    is it possible he speaks before the biological mother because she finds it hard to talk to her ex? I know in the beginning I did a lot of the speaking for DH it was just easier.
    I'm

    [/B]

  3. #3
    Expert Forum User
    mhuigenbos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    St Thomas
    Posts
    5,480
    Rep Power
    270

    Default

    *Sorry my information was not from Canada*
    Last edited by mhuigenbos; 07-26-2011 at 02:38 PM.

  4. #4
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
    sittingpretty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    12,510
    Rep Power
    1094

    Default

    Why does it matter who speaks first?

    i know my exif he tookme to court would win step parent rights as he has and does "act in a parental role"
    Last edited by sittingpretty; 07-26-2011 at 01:02 PM.

  5. #5
    Expert Forum User
    hockeymomof3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Sarnia
    Posts
    9,044
    Rep Power
    552

    Default

    What do you mean by “He speaks first“?

  6. #6
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
    Mom2my2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    10,784
    Rep Power
    643

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hockeymomof3 View Post
    What do you mean by “He speaks first“?
    This.

    I think my SO should have more say in what goes on with my kids because he is the one that is the father figure more than their 'father' but we don't have 50/50 and their father only sees them maybe once a month for a few hours.

    I think if everyone has the childrens best interest in mind it shouldn't matter too much








    “life is not measured by the breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away“

  7. #7
    Expert Forum User
    hockeymomof3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Sarnia
    Posts
    9,044
    Rep Power
    552

    Default

    There are times my DF will speak up to the kids before me.

    -When I am not home, so he is in charge.
    -When they are rude to me, and he feels they should appoligize (and so do I)
    -When I am home but busy doing something, and they are fighting (mine are older, so they throw punches now, which is a no no in our house)
    -When he knows I am stressed and just need a breather, he will deal with whatever situation may arise.

    Other than that, he leaves everything up to me. But I feel he is here everyday with the children (for the past 3.5 years living together), he is raising the children with me, so he can speak up. And there are times I have to say to him that I want his help with whatever situation.

    His parents feel he shouldn't be involved with discipline etc. But I don't see it that way. It isn't like we have to discipline the children anymore (2 teens and a preteen), it is more talking stuff over with them.

  8. #8
    Junior Member TWOBABYBEANS's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    646
    Rep Power
    55

    Default

    No, no, I am not referring to remedial everyday things like redirection for rudeness or signing permission forms.

    My DH is a very, very involved father. Much more, unfortunately than his DD's mother. Examples - my DSD only goes to extra curricular activities on our week because they refuse to drive. Or she can attend if I do all the driving on their weeks - which I have done, even with my 2 DD and our newborn in tow, just so DSD didnt have to miss out. They have no excuse for not driving. First they said an activity was too far, so we picked one far from us, but close to them and they still didnt take her. Her report card has routinely been left in her backpack, with minimal to no ackowledgement. Even when her mom was on Mat leave, she still didnt attend things at the school. There are always a number of excuses.

    What I am referring to is two occurances. Because of week on week off schedule DH's ex gets the daughters bday for 7 years in a row. Their separation agreement says no reasonable access should by denied by either party. My DH has made request year after year to see his daughter on her bday - always well in advance. Year after year his ex has said no. This year when the request was made for 30 minutes of bday access his ex's husband (the step dad) said no. How is that up to him? It isn't his kid!

    The other occurance is that I watch DSD on her mothers weeks (free daycare for her, a pleasure for me to have the extra time with DSD) - during the day in the summer and before and after school. I have repeatedly ask for a schedule, which they refuse to give. The times I was told was 730 to 4. Yesterday she was dropped off at 10 and picked up at 615 - no phone calls, nothing. Today I had an appt for my DD at 930am - I left a note on the door - having expected DSD at 730 as per usual - she didnt show up all morning and I wrote DH ex an email asking for a schedule and requesting hours - or else I could not continue to provide daycare. I have 3 other DD's here with me, and you can imagine it makes for a busy time, all the time. Anyway - he wrote back. Addressing nothing. Saying he was legally DSD step father and he would be reading and answering emails. Shouldnt the biological mother deal with it? I realise I am the step parent on this side dealing with it, but I amthe one at home, dealing with the daycare and my DH was cc'd on everything.

  9. #9
    Junior Member TWOBABYBEANS's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    646
    Rep Power
    55

    Default

    And no the ex has no problem talking to my DH through email. Its more like she is using her husband to be a bully for her. When her husband told me he was “legally S's step dad“ and “he would be reading and answering emails now“ - he also said “and you can let that husband of yours know too“ (“that husband“ being DSD father!!) So disrespectful.

  10. #10
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
    Mom2my2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    10,784
    Rep Power
    643

    Default

    You are the one corresponding with them (As the step mother) so I don't see why he can't corresponding with you as the step father. kwim?
    If its that big of an issue than maybe you need to let your DH deal with his ex and leave it as that.








    “life is not measured by the breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away“

  11. #11
    Junior Member TWOBABYBEANS's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    646
    Rep Power
    55

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mom2my2 View Post
    You are the one corresponding with them (As the step mother) so I don't see why he can't corresponding with you as the step father. kwim?
    If its that big of an issue than maybe you need to let your DH deal with his ex and leave it as that.
    Perhaps. However, I am providing the daycare for her and it is my time. My husband was a part of the conversation I started regarding daycare.

    And it doesnt give him the right to deny access on DSD birthday. The access agreement is between the biological parents, period. There needs to be some respectable boundaries.

  12. #12
    Expert Forum User
    NikkiJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Wharncliffe and Riverside
    Posts
    5,974
    Rep Power
    552

    Default

    Well I dont see a problem with the Step Dad talking but he could be more of a mature adult about it. Sounds like he is being a bit ridiculous. It's awful they say no to having time with the child on birthday's how unfair and sad for the child, she will have no memories of her Dad being their on her birthday..heartbreaking.
    I'm

    [/B]

  13. #13
    Junior Member TWOBABYBEANS's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    646
    Rep Power
    55

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by NikkiJ View Post
    Well I dont see a problem with the Step Dad talking but he could be more of a mature adult about it. Sounds like he is being a bit ridiculous. It's awful they say no to having time with the child on birthday's how unfair and sad for the child, she will have no memories of her Dad being their on her birthday..heartbreaking.
    Isn't that so true?? The only one that suffers truly is the child. I am an adult - I can get over their immaturity. But to willingly keep a child from an involved biological parent= awful.

    I dislike my ex, but that is my opinion, not my children's. My DD's get to make their own choices and I think their biological father is a critical component of their well being as young girls. We alternate birthday's (a sleepover) but if it is not our sleepover turn we still have a 4 hour time slot to spend with them. The kicker is DSD's mom lives 5 minutes away!

    I think all access decisions should be made by biological parents (granted they have resolutions)- it is their child for heaven sake.

  14. #14
    Junior Member momma_bear<3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    london
    Posts
    636
    Rep Power
    46

    Default

    i make all the final decisions. but SO will step up if needs to be...my kids father isn't a part of there life really.

  15. #15
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    397
    Rep Power
    40

    Default

    It sounds like Step Dad doesn't understand his position in his DSD life. We had this conversation with my lawyer. My ex isn't father of the year and my DH has to take on the father role. Step parents have a legal responsibility to care and provide for step children. As far a legal parental desicison such as access, medical care, schooling those are left up to the bio parents (step parent should still be given a voice but has no legal right to make these decisions)

    If your husbands ex is refusing him access on birthdays he should go back to court for birthday access. He will win and she may even agree to it. But be Specific ie he wants her from 4-6 on her birthday.



Similar Threads

  1. the father, the gf and the ex
    By lil.k in forum Step-parenting
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: 12-19-2009, 07:01 PM
  2. The father has no lawyer
    By momof1plus2 in forum Single Parenting
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 04-26-2007, 04:01 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •