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  1. #1
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    Default Non-custodial parent visiting the child at school?

    Is this allowed? I'm not sure whether to go to the school and talk to the principal. J lives with us fulltime. He goes to his Mom's every other weekend. Twice in the last month she has gone to the school (she lives 40 min away) and asked to see Jerrith, he's been pulled out of class so she can visit with him for a few minutes.
    Today J said she came so she could give Timbits to the office and brought a coffee for the principal. But then stayed to visit with him before leaving.
    She talks to him on the phone every single night.

    Am I wrong to think it's inappropriate to keep doing this? I have a feeling it's going to happen a lot more and a lot more often.

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    Does the school know the court order? I know at DS' school, I had to give them a copy of it, or as they told me, they wouldn't be able to stop his father from coming and taking him.


    I don't know the legalities, but since she has part time custody, maybe the school sees no problem with letting her visit for a few moments. But if you are sensing something not right about it, I would definitely talk to the principal, just to make sure she is never to take him off school grounds and that the visits don't become too frequent kinda thing. Never hurts to go over boundaries regarding senstive issues such as this, to make sure everyone is on the same boat kinda thing.

    If she did not have any custody at all, I would be super pissed that the school was allowing this. Take my thoughts as a grain of salt though, as I don't know your personal situation.

    I hope it works out, *hugs*
    Last edited by Entreaquiyahi; 06-27-2011 at 11:42 PM.

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    Most likely you can put a stop to it.

    I know when dumper had access it said “every other weekend but not limited to“ D's stupid daycare tried to say cause of that they could let idiot in to see her my lawyer had a great time explaining hell no that all but not limited meant was IF I chose to give him more access not a guarantee of it.

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    Not knowing what her rights are given the custody agreement I would think she is allowed at the school. We just went thru this with my brother in law and as long as they are allowed to have access for “educational (or medical) purposes“ and that the child is comfortable with her being there it was o.k.
    OR is this more the fact that you don't feel comfortable with her being there? In this case talk to your hubby and perhaps get something down in writing from the courts.
    Good Luck!

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    Yes, schools and child care facilities will not deny a parent access to their child unless they have an official court order in their hands.

    I dont know the background on the relationship but is she wanting to involve herself in the school? Is it something that would possibly benefit him? Just wondering if maybe something can be arranged to compromise?

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    If he's being pulled from class, he's not learning. I'd make a stink about it with the principal.
    Proud mom of 3 wonderful children


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    I had to give a copy of my court order and a most recent picture of my ex to the school. So if he showed up to take the kids (without my consent) they would know to call the police. I don't even have my ex as a parent to contact, he lives a hour away, there was no reason to use him.

    She should not be going to the school and pulling him from class for a visit, your court order states every other weekend, I'm assuming this is without you guys consent, so I would be getting my lawyer on that for sure. She is going against your court order, judges don't take kindly to that
    Last edited by hockeymomof3; 06-28-2011 at 06:44 AM.

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    The court order says every other weekend. No time in between at all.
    It does say she has access to the school records and school meetings.
    We have never shown up at the school to visit him. I think it's disruptive. He needs his routine and gets very upset if anything is changed. Her showing up would be a change that he doesn't deal well with.
    They don't have the most recent court order, but they do have the last one, which says the same stuff.
    We don't care if she is involved with the school stuff, but this isn't being involved with school, I think she thinks she figured out a way to visit when she wants to and it will only get worse and more frequent. Before the last court order was put in place in March, there was nothing about phone calls in it (now it's every single night). We've never denied phone calls, but she kept telling J that if he wanted to call her, he just has to go to the office during school and ask to call her.
    I think I am going to stop by the school today and talk to the principal and bring the most recent court order.

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    My DH visits his girls at the school sometimes. If he has to go pick up papers, or is there for a field trip for one of them - he will always go to see the other two girls to say hello to them. He goes to their classroom and quickly says hi.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DMC2008 View Post
    My DH visits his girls at the school sometimes. If he has to go pick up papers, or is there for a field trip for one of them - he will always go to see the other two girls to say hello to them. He goes to their classroom and quickly says hi.
    I think this is appropriate - he is there for another reason, not just to stop by and say 'hi' randomly.
    I think Kaisa is worried about J's ability to cope with these random visits and I get the impression that the mom is trying to manipulate things. I think there is a lot more to this situation that could cause stress to the child. Kaisa - talk to the principal about your concerns.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaisa View Post
    We've never denied phone calls, but she kept telling J that if he wanted to call her, he just has to go to the office during school and ask to call her.
    I think I am going to stop by the school today and talk to the principal and bring the most recent court order.
    I definitely see it as strange. I would talk to the school and explain that they do not have to allow her and that you would prefer that she not be allowed to pull him out of class or let him call her.
    Normally, if a parent (the legal guardian) keeps showing up at the school to pick child up early or to visit during class hours they will tell the parent it is disruptive to both that student and the whole class and will limit it.

    School phones are not there for kids to just call home to talk (although i've seen where jk/sk kids who are scared during the first few months of school can call mom if they need to - if mom agrees). They are for students to call if they forget lunch or to ask to stay for basketball practice or the secretaries to call for absent kids - they are quick phone calls not conversations usually. I would explain to him that mom is mistaken and you can't use the school phone just to call her or anyone else.

    And luckily its the end of school so you won't have to worry about it for the summer.

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    I think that if it is disrupting his day then it needs to stop.

    I agree with going into the office to talk to someone.


    I know at our school we are encouraged to not disrupt the kids day by popping our head in the door ,even if we are there for another reason.

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    I had asked about this and they told me that unless the court order says no contact, they have to allow parent to visit supervised. I was like WTF. So whats the point in bringing in anything...sigh. Let me know if anyone is told differentlym just out of curiousity.
    Mom to DS - 9.5 years old
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jacobsmom View Post
    I had asked about this and they told me that unless the court order says no contact, they have to allow parent to visit supervised. I was like WTF. So whats the point in bringing in anything...sigh. Let me know if anyone is told differentlym just out of curiousity.

    I was told somethign similar recently with a friend going through issues - you actually need a court order that specifically says no school contact or no contact during said time - it needs to be very specific. Then speak to the principal about your concerns. If they are going to continue to allow her to visit at school maybe it can be just during lunch or something - not pulled from class

    if in doubt call the principal or the board and ask specifically what you need to ensure she is not disturbing him at class

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    My school enforces my court order, and it says every other weekend visitation. The principal said because it states Friday 5:30pm till Sunday 8pm, there is no reason for my ex to be at the school seeing the children when it isn't his visitation times. My ex won't even step foot on the school property until at 5:30pm on our annual BBQ that I invite him to.

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