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  1. #1
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    Default Not sure how to deal with this

    I have a new DCK that started a month ago. He is fulltime. The parents were sending him to a center and the mom told me that there was behavioral issues at the center, that he was picking up bad habits from there and that she felt that it would be better for him to be in a home daycare since he would be getting more one on one attention etc. I agreed and it makes sense.

    Here is the problem. The kid bites. He has biten everyone here at least once. I told the dad and he said, he never bites anyone more than once so ya'll are ok now. What?!

    He also said that maybe we should do an outing this week so that DCK can be around the children outside of the house. He said we should go to the pool or something.Again, what?! I am not his nanny.

    They stick around forever in the morning, playing with the child, it is stated in our contract that I find it easier on everyone if the goodbyes are left to a minimum. 30 -45 min. is a bit much.

    I need advice from you wonderful ladies here

  2. #2
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    Oh no... doesn't sound like a good fit... have you just gone ahead with your program and such... like they are not there??? Maybe that would give them a HINT!

    hmmm could you politely ask them to make drop off time quicker.
    ~ Annie ~
    Mom to 4 (B24, G23, G19, G9)

    My Blog: It's just my life...
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    No advice here but sounds like a pickle!

    Good luck!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Annie View Post
    Oh no... doesn't sound like a good fit... have you just gone ahead with your program and such... like they are not there??? Maybe that would give them a HINT!

    hmmm could you politely ask them to make drop off time quicker.
    That's what I do but they just sit there and listen or start playing with the kids..

    I haven't worked up the nerves to say something..

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    Wow, I just see so many things wrong in your post that you have to fix as soon as possible.

    1) Biting and other behaviour issues have to be dealt with immediately. I tell parents at the interview stage that I will work with them on all issues as long as they understand that we have to do the same things at home and at daycare to be consistent to help the child. If the parents don't work with me then I have to terminate care. If the parents and I both work hard to help the child I will keep trying and trying. If these parents don't come up with solutions that you can both work on, you will be forced to give them a warning or you will lose your mind!

    2) The Dad is dictating your daycare routines? I don't think so! However, I do hope you have outings because I find that if we can get outside every morning that the children have their exercise time which makes happier little ones.

    3) You let goodbyes last for 30 minutes? I find it is best to keep it to more like 5 minutes maximum. Any longer and the parent is just feeding into the child's manipulation.

    Little ones are very, very intelligent and know how to wrap their parents around their fingers. I have a little boy who turns into a whining, crying, dramatic child that I don't even recognize when his Mom walks in the door and I'm trying to tell her all the time that he never behaves that way for me. But I can only do my very best!

    Can you check at the library or Childreach about books for toddler discipline? Do some googling, especially on the 'Today's Parent' website because they send me educational emails all the time. I wish you good luck in dealing with this family and keep the faith, because we all learn from our experiences and our mistakes in this business.

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    Oh I feel for you. When I worked at a centre we would see this. The parent places blame and says “well we are going to a home care then“ and I aways wonder how that works out. Some parents think that they can “control“ the homecare easier than those at a centre. It is really rude and unfair.

    How old is the child? biting could be from teething, thirst, a form of communication or control. I would talk to the parent. It might be hard but you might loose the ones in you care that you had before. Maybe suggest that a group setting may not be a good fit for his personality and maybe he would progress better with a nanny.

    Good luck!

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    Wow, sticky situation. I would be firm on the quick good byes at the door and off the parents go. They are not to stay any longer. 2nd as for dad dictating your business again I would be firm and tell him this is what your program consists of and stay firm on it. 3rd so this little boy is known for biting so what are the parents doing about it at home. You can't have him biting everyone and the excuse of he only bites once is bull. Consitancy is everything and the parents have to do their job as parents and help with this behavour as much as you. Best of luck.
    Last edited by sabb6canada; 04-18-2011 at 08:20 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mom4Ever View Post
    Wow, I just see so many things wrong in your post that you have to fix as soon as possible.

    1) Biting and other behaviour issues have to be dealt with immediately. I tell parents at the interview stage that I will work with them on all issues as long as they understand that we have to do the same things at home and at daycare to be consistent to help the child. If the parents don't work with me then I have to terminate care. If the parents and I both work hard to help the child I will keep trying and trying. If these parents don't come up with solutions that you can both work on, you will be forced to give them a warning or you will lose your mind!

    2) The Dad is dictating your daycare routines? I don't think so! However, I do hope you have outings because I find that if we can get outside every morning that the children have their exercise time which makes happier little ones.

    3) You let goodbyes last for 30 minutes? I find it is best to keep it to more like 5 minutes maximum. Any longer and the parent is just feeding into the child's manipulation.

    Little ones are very, very intelligent and know how to wrap their parents around their fingers. I have a little boy who turns into a whining, crying, dramatic child that I don't even recognize when his Mom walks in the door and I'm trying to tell her all the time that he never behaves that way for me. But I can only do my very best!

    Can you check at the library or Childreach about books for toddler discipline? Do some googling, especially on the 'Today's Parent' website because they send me educational emails all the time. I wish you good luck in dealing with this family and keep the faith, because we all learn from our experiences and our mistakes in this business.

    That's the thing, I am completely willing to work on it with the parents and as long as they make an effort,I will do too but to be told not too worry now because he never bites the same person twice?? What kind of response is that ?
    We go out every single day, go for walks, parks, library whatever I have scheduled for the day, I do not know where he thinks he can tell me that maybe we should all go to the public pool or the museum.
    And no I do not LET them in for 30 minutes, they invite themselves in and make themselves at home..
    I will make an effort to speak up tomorrow
    Thank you so much for your advice

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    Quote Originally Posted by million$fam View Post
    Oh I feel for you. When I worked at a centre we would see this. The parent places blame and says “well we are going to a home care then“ and I aways wonder how that works out. Some parents think that they can “control“ the homecare easier than those at a centre. It is really rude and unfair.

    How old is the child? biting could be from teething, thirst, a form of communication or control. I would talk to the parent. It might be hard but you might loose the ones in you care that you had before. Maybe suggest that a group setting may not be a good fit for his personality and maybe he would progress better with a nanny.

    Good luck!
    he turns 3 next month

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    Have you talked to the parents to find out why he is biting? Is he able to verbally tell you how he feels or does he just bite?? Does he bite randomly or just at certain times like someone took his toy or he doesn't get his way? If you could figure out what is triggering the biting that might make it easier to get the biting to stop?? I am not sure, I have not ever had a biter, but it sure does make things harder and more stressful on you. Hang in there!!
    Mommy to DS1 - 7 yrs and DS2 - 5 yrs
    The Ranch Home Daycare

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    At 3 this would be odd. Hopefully it will change with age but I would talk to the parents and say that it is your responsibility to make sure EVERYONE is safe at your childcare. And that you would like to discuss a plan of action and a time line to see how its going. THis might put the presure on to change the behaviour too. Photocopy some literature so that you have something to back yourself up with.

    Good luck! let us know how it goes

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by theranch View Post
    Have you talked to the parents to find out why he is biting? Is he able to verbally tell you how he feels or does he just bite?? Does he bite randomly or just at certain times like someone took his toy or he doesn't get his way? If you could figure out what is triggering the biting that might make it easier to get the biting to stop?? I am not sure, I have not ever had a biter, but it sure does make things harder and more stressful on you. Hang in there!!
    The dad told me that he asked hiim why he is biting and he said “because i want to“. He bites when someone is bothering him.

    Drop off was a lot quicker today and 20 minutes before I open for the day and an hr earlier than normal so i am not ready whatsoever. He then asked me if a 5:30 pick up is okay. he normally gets picked up an hr earlier..No prroblem but it's 5$ per 15 min.

    He then said that DKC cries before coming here and that he wants me and then kids to hang out with them and the child outside of daycare settings so he can get used to us more.. I have no problem at all treating these little ones as my own, but he needs to understand that this is my business, i am not doing this for the cash, i do have rules, this is really starting to bother me.
    They come in this morning and he says to me, he wants breakfast, just give him a piece of bread or something.
    first off, you are not even supposed to be here, I have nothing ready for you, I am running around, getting my kids ready for school, then you say he cries now when he gets here ( he's been here for a little over a month ) so we might have to look somewhere else. Keep in mind that they moved to London in Nov. and I am their 3rd provider..

    not a great way to start the day..

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    Oh no, a lightbulb just clicked in my head after reading your last post. This Dad was interviewing at a lot of daycares and we were all warning each other against taking on this family because he was so demanding and a little over the top. Sweetie, you have to put your foot down NOW! He's going to push you and push you over and over until you go crazy. Don't let him do it to you since he snuck in there looking normal but his true colours are showing now. This will be a real learning experience for you, but don't let it go too far.

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    3 yr old biting doesn't always mean parents aren't doing their job, just an fyi (altho in this case it may be) but my 2.5 yr old bites. He does it because he's sensory seeking. And no, he can't verbalize the why he does it. He has low muscle tone in his mouth/jaw/face and his speech is delayed because of this.

    Just wanted to throw that out there..

    to the OP, I hope you can get this sorted out Doesn't sound like a pleasant situation to be in!

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    He bit again this morning. One on DS3's leg and once on the penis. Enough to leave teeth marks and thank goodness for cloth bums. and I also caught him mouth wide open looking for somewhere to bite DS2... I can't shadow him constantly or am I supposed to ? I am afraid to turn around from him because of it.

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