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  1. #1
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    Default Where is the old me and how do I get her back?

    Hi ladies,

    Don't get me wrong I LOVE being a mom more than I could ever have imagined, but some days I wonder what has happened to "ME" I had all these grand ideas that after my DD was born I would get back in shape and start running again so that I still had "me" time but it just does not seems to be working out that way. DD is now 15 mnths and I manage to run a couple of times a week but I am not where I hoped I would be fitness or weight wise.


    So I guess I am looking for suggestions on how to make more "me" time and should I just be more realistic and move the expectations of who and what I am now that I am a mom.

    It makes me sound like a selfish b#**h and a bad mom, and I am really not that, I would spend every waking moment with my DD and DH if I thought that was the answer but I really don't think it is.

    Any suggestions (I think I am just having a VERY bad day today!)

  2. #2
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    You don't sound like a selfish ***** at all! You sound like a normal mom who is still trying to balance her new role of mother with her old self. That takes time. And I, for one, am impressed that you're getting out running several times a week - good for you!

    My only suggestion would be to give yourself a break and congratulate yourself on how well you ARE doing. How could you have known when your DD was born how hard it would be taking care of a toddler and fitting in all your other daily responsibilities? So you aren't getting out as much as you thought you would. Let those concerns go! You're doing way more than most tired moms!

    As for being a bad mom, I'd say just the opposite. By taking care of ourselves, we become better moms and partners. You're setting a fantastic example for your daughter. You should be very proud!

  3. #3
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom! Mommy2Cuties's Avatar
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    I dont really have any suggestions (or I might depends on where my brain wave is going hehe) but I cant totally understand how you feel. Even though I working (not by choice) I feel like I have lost myself and am wondering if this is really what I want with my life, ya know?

    I think its normal... as women, and moreso as mothers, we tend to put family and stuff before us. We will go without a shower if the kids need to have a bath, or go without sleep if they have nightmares... we sacrifice and in return it seems like we dont get much. Bad examples I know but you know what I mean.

    As far as taking time out for you... why not tell your DH that you need a few hours to read a book, soak in the tub, or go for a run. Go out with friends or something once a week or something (hmm I should take my own advice).

    Remember: A healthy mommy is a happy mommy. We need to remember to take care of ourselves. Being a mom is only PART of who we are....
    I stole Turtle's Lollipop! xoxo

    Nicole, mama to Miss A (April 2005), Miss K (Sept 2007), Angel Baby (August 2008), and Baby A (June 2009)


  4. #4
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    When I left work to have my first baby, I had big plans too...eight years later, my "plans" are sitting in boxes! lol You really do have a lot less time than you figured on, eh?
    I agree you need to find the time wherever you can, and don't be afraid to talk to dh about it as I think men think the way we did before we had kids: that we have lots of down time during the day. Let him know that it is not that way at all.
    I should really heed my own advice! lol
    Please always show kindness in your posts as the person receiving it may need it more than you will ever know.

    SAHM to two boys, 13 and 7.

  5. #5
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    I think there's a secret oath between parents NOT to tell 'non-parents' about how much your life changes after having a baby. They tell you things like lack of sleep, etc. but not that your entire life changes and that there is a great risk of losing your identity and needing to create a new one. On the other hand, they might tell you, but you really don't 'get' it until it happens For me, it's SO comforting to know that other people have the same kinds of feelings and for some of the moms who have lived it longer, to give advice on creating that new identity. Vent away!
    Mum to Alyssa (born April 30, 2005)

  6. #6
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    I think the best thing to do is to figure out what time is easiest for you to workout. I only jog once both my children are in bed for the night. I think it's also important to try to get into a routine. Like aiming for three jogs a week, or something reasonable. And really try and stick to it because I find once I fall off one week, it starts a bad pattern for me. I have never been able to get my fitness level up to what it was before kids, but I'm okay with that. My husband and I would sometimes jog for an hour, six times a week when I was in University. That seems crazy to me now! I aim for three half hour jogs a week. Hope you find something that works for you.

  7. #7
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    No, it's not just you, and you are not a B*tch...that is something that i am struggling with big time..have been for about 7 1/2 yrs now!! I think we all have this trouble, as being a mommy is a BIG deal! And mommy time always seems to get set on the back burner, as we're always trying to make sure that everyone else is happy and healthy...Good luck! And let us know when you find something that works!!!

  8. #8
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    Thanks everyone, good to know I am not the only one who struggles with this. I hear you reese's mom, I was doing really well running home from work but christmas and the cold weather put pay to that (I always used to run in any weather) and now I am stuck in a rut ...... Next week is a new week so maybe I will TRY to get back on track!

    Thanks for all the support and advise.

  9. #9
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    I SO hear you! Before DD #1 I used to weigh 117 pounds at 5“8 and model for a lingerie store. I got honours in two university degrees and was considered a “fun girl“. Now, 2 kids and 5 years later, I am 175 pounds, have a life that revolves around when the Wiggles are on TV and ***** about not having any time to shower. I guess you could say that priorities changed but when I consider which life was most rewarding, its easy to see that the “new“ me is for the better! Now if only I had some time to ....

  10. #10
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
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    .....
    Last edited by lacuna; 08-05-2009 at 07:42 AM.

  11. #11
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
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    oh wow, thread from 2008

    neva mind!!!!!!!!

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