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  1. #1
    Junior Member ShannonRN's Avatar
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    Default When do you stop "missing" your "old life?&qu

    Every now and then I long for the days before Jake was born - being 100% free to do whatever I wanted on my days off, spending a day on the couch if I wanted, going out late at night and not worrying about having to get up early the next morning... stuff like that. I feel so guilty for thinking that way, but I can't help it! There are so many things that I now feel I took for granted. Do these feelings every stop?? They're driving me crazy! :?

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    Expert Forum User Horvyboysmom's Avatar
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    Personally they haven't yet for me. Don't get me wrong I love my children and wouldn't change it for the world but, do miss those days. So have one. You are allowed. I am having one Sat night. Going to a friends birthday party and spending the night. NO KIDS. Hubby's sister and cousin are watching the kids and I can't even remember the last time we did anything like this when we have had kids. We have been out overnight, but usually with at least one child in tow.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Horvyboysmom
    Personally they haven't yet for me. Don't get me wrong I love my children and wouldn't change it for the world but, do miss those days.
    Same with me. It would be nice to go out without them but oddly enough I miss them when they aren't with me.

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    I'm starting to feel like I have my old life back now...it took two years, but there's a sense of normalcy here now. Joelle's totally old enough to be left on her own with a babysitter so we CAN just go out.

    I feel as though we're getting on with our lives now and that we've gotten accustomed to the new addition....

    You'll get there.

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    For me I would say that even when Reese isn't around, the things I used to do are nowhere near how they used to be. When my husband and I go out to dinner without Reese, we always end up talking about her. And when I go shopping with my girlfriends or my mom, I always think about her and even most of my shopping money is spent on her!
    But I would definately say that you probably miss your old life more right now because your child is so young and needy. I am sure things will get better as he gets older....of course then you may decide to have another one!

  6. #6
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    I get those days too, but I think I'm lucky in that I have been able to preserve a lot of my 'old life.' My DH works long hours, but he is home at nights, so I can go work out, meet up with friends, etc. (when I have the energy ). Most of my girlfriends are single and none have babies, so I'm a novelty to them. They have been great in making sure that we all have a 'sober girls night' every now and again so I can spend some time with them - go out for dinner, come over here after DD goes to bed (and when I was prego) and rent movies and all that. They LOVE seeing DD, so they come visit me on weekends (their places aren't baby-safe). I also still go out some weekends - I know that's taboo with some people - but I make sure DH is home or she goes to Grandma's overnight... It also helps immensely that she has 3 doting grandparents who love to babysit evenings and weekends - I'm really lucky that way.

    I guess you just have to find someone you trust to babysit her and take advantage of that time. Dont wait until you have something to do - get someone to watch her while you veg on the couch!

    The thing that I find the strangest is that although I CRAVE time when I don't have to think about anyone except myself, whenever that time does happen, all I do is think about her and when I can come back home!

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    My son is 3 and I still feel that way. and unlike the others, I don't miss him or think about him or spend money on him when I am away. man, I must be a real *****. DD is 6 months old and we have two great sitters so we are trying to get out once a week or maybe every two weeks. The rule on dates is no talking about kids after the first hour.

    I need do have time alone and time with hubby or i will go insane and become a horrific mom.
    K
    Mom of two sweeties

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    Junior Member ShannonRN's Avatar
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    Thanks for the replies... it's just so odd to be completely torn between loving DS and wanting nothing to do with him for a few hours!

    And when I do get the opportunity (this coming Saturday, Jake will be sleeping over at my parents' place so DH and I can have a Valentine's Day :P ) I feel 100% guilty, and even go as far as to consider canceling or just having them come over here and hang out after Jake's in bed, just til we get home. Grr.

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    I find myself thinking about my life before having Cooper more now than ever. I love him to bits and am very excited about having another one but there is something to be said about waking up on a Saturday morning and not actually having to get out of bed to do anything. I find that it's just moving slower in the morning and having only myself to get ready that I miss. That and sleep. I already can't wait until that age where your kids sleep until noon because than I can do it again too. As for going out. We don't hesitate to go out and bring Cooper along if were going out to friends with kids as well. That's the good thing about growing up. All of our friends are in the same boat so it's not like we have friends that are still bar hoping and were wishing we could do it too. Plus I always hated the bar so I'm exactly where I want to be, renting a movie on a Saturday night with a bag of chips.

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    Junior Member miasmom's Avatar
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    The first time I actually felt this way, was this past weekend. My best friend is planning her b-day bash and they are all going to Alabama and then onto New Orleans. I was so upset I wanted to cry because I can't go and be one of the girls. I wasn't even invited ( and I know she didn't ask because she knows I would just say no, because I will still be BF Mia) But it still drove me nuts...made me want to go back in time...but I would miss my LO way too much, I can't even handle leaving her for 3 hours.





  11. #11
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    My old life kinda blew, so I can't say I really miss it. What's to miss about getting hammered and dancing on tables at GTs? Not much, heh. And I'd have to work if I didn't have kids, and how much would that suck? LOL.

    The only thing I kind of miss is days I could read for hours and/or sleep copious amounts. Yesterday I managed to have a nap (2&3 napped at the same time!), so I have brief glimpses of life before kids.




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    I don't so much miss my old life as wish I had done more with it! All those missed opportunities to go out, or see a movie, or have a vacation. And instead we were doing "mature" things like saving to buy a house or gardening!
    Alison

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    I think that there is this whole lengthy drawn out dilusion while pregnant that it's going to be wonderful and our lives won't change too much. For instance all of my friends said they wanted to babysit, and wanted to visit all the time, they love babies and just couldn't wait till my baby arrived. Only one has kept her promise! I still love the others too, but it hurts a bit. Don't forget that you started changing your life before the baby even arrives, for myself that means the last time I had an uninhibited night out with no consequences...sleep in all day and eat junk food, get up and drink again, kind of weekend was summer 2005! I'd be surprised if some of my friends even recognize me! It just might be that particular weekend however that put me here on the London mom's website at 9pm on a tuesday...looking for info on sleeping thru the night. I wouldn't change it for the world, but one night out with the girls would be nice now and again! It isn't wrong to miss freedom! It's human nature.
    Motherhood Rocks!

    Baby Alice, May 15/06

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    I can definitely relate to everything that has been said so far. I am extremely grateful for my twins but not only has it been a big adjustment but it has also been hard to adjust to the maternity leave that I thought I would have but have not experienced because of having twins. I see other friends on maternity leave being able to get out almost daily. I try to do this but I am restricted to wheelchair friendly locations as I depend on the double stroller to get around, thank goodness almost everywhere is wheelchair accessible as I didn't realize what a struggle it must be for people in a wheelchair until I was dependent on having access to areas that I cannot go without a stroller.

    I was really hoping to do the "mom and babies" swim but I cannot do this with twins as I need another person with me so that each baby has a parent/caregiver. My dh and I are looking into weekend classes so that I can still experience this but again it means that we are constantly strategizing to see how I can make my first maternity leave like other first-time moms.

    I had planned to visit my cousin in Ottawa for a week but this was much easier to do with one baby (I was planning to take the train but with two this again will require some more strategizing).

    As well we have been lucky to have family help out but it is ironic that "all of the babysitters come in twos", not many brave souls willing to go two babies - one adult.

    Also I deal with guilt constantly that I am not giving each baby enough individual attention. I always joke with friends that nobody tells you about the enormous amount of guilt that a mother has about everything and anything.

    I also long for the day that they both sleep through the night which I am guessing does not make me that different from any other mother but most of all I have to keep telling myself not to wish this time away or get too anxious for the next stage because the baby stage is so short lived.

    Sorry so long...guess I didn't realize how much I had been thinking about all of this.

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    Junior Member Owen's Mommy's Avatar
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    I can totally relate to everyone so far.... there are times that I wish it was just me again... to do anything I want for just a few hours!! But then I look at the kids and think that I would be lost without them.

    My story is a little harder now as I am doing this all on my own (long story that I may share some other time) but I manage... and my best friend is great about taking the kids for a few hours a night to let me get out for coffee or dinner without the kids. It's been a rough road, but I'm managing and am greatful for the life I have now, regardless of my situation... my kids are my life and I guess your only young once.... now we get to look forward to the kids growing old so we can have our time alone again!!

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