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  1. #1
    Senior Member Tami&amber's Avatar
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    Unhappy my heart still wants you

    To my baby girl,

    It was a year ago...there abouts, when I heard your heart for the first time.
    Let alone did I know it would be my last.
    I worried for you then as I felt something was wrong,
    but that sound of your heart meant everything to me.
    Then I learned a short time later, your little life was gone.
    I cried for weeks as i do today, life wasn't fair on that very black day.
    There is a place in my heart for your little face, your bright eyes, and your smile a spot no one can fill.
    I think of you daily still and a lit a candle for you.
    I am not sure where you are, but my love is wrapping you up, holding you, and keeping you warm.
    love mom
    xo

    The future is uncertain... but this uncertainty is at the very heart of human creativity

  2. #2
    Expert Forum User Tannaleigh's Avatar
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    Love it Tami....
    It really never does go away does it?

    my eyes well up on a daily basis for what I am missing.

    I am glad though to know its stops being all encompassing and I can smile once again, without feeling guilty!

    Hugs!!
    Yale 4yr old
    Kane 1yr old
    and baby makes 3!!! Errr... 4!


  3. #3
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!

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    I have never been through a miscarriage, stillbirth, death of a child. I cannot relate to what it must feel like. I just want you ladies to know how very sorry I am that you have been through such a tragedy though Sitting here reading your posts has brought tears to my eyes it makes me so very sad to know what it must feel like to go through something so awful. So sorry, that's really all I can say Your babies are looking down upon you from heaven and wanting you to know how much they love and miss you too.

  4. #4
    Expert Forum User Horvyboysmom's Avatar
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    That was beautiful. It will always hurt a little and you will always remember, but it does get easier. I promise.

  5. #5
    Expert Forum User Hame's Avatar
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    do ya think all of our little ones are somewhere playing????


  6. #6
    Senior Member Tami&amber's Avatar
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    i would hate to think they are alone.
    I am not a religious person
    but i would like to believe something in this case

    The future is uncertain... but this uncertainty is at the very heart of human creativity

  7. #7
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    I like to think that they are all playing up there somewhere. Hugs to you Tami&amber.
    Zachary ^i^ Aug 9/01
    Caleb & Benjamin July 13/02
    Jackson February 13/07

  8. #8
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    Aww Tami, I'm a little choked up. It's beautiful.

  9. #9
    Expert Forum User Tannaleigh's Avatar
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    I personally think my boys are with me all the time....

    as someone pointed out about my x-mas belly pictures... and I noticed too... there are ALWAYS two orbs. I know, I know....probably just dust, but I am a believer.

    I think I will try to document when this little one is young and growing whether he notices anything around us. I think they were sent to prepare me for this path, and to protect Yale.
    Yale 4yr old
    Kane 1yr old
    and baby makes 3!!! Errr... 4!


  10. #10
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    I read the threads in this section very seldom as it brings me back to a very sad time for me and my dh but I took a peek yesterday and I'm glad I did.

    Hame, when you asked "do ya think all of our little ones are somewhere playing???? " it really brought me bittersweet memories picturing the possibility of all our little babies playing happily together. We had a stillborn baby girl in 2004 and it's comforting to think she may be playing with all of your little ones.

    Thank you for making me smile and cry(happy tears) with such a wonderful thought.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Tami&amber's Avatar
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    laurynsmom, i am so sorry for your experience.
    It is a fantastic thought and image our children playing happily....
    Tanna i know it is silly but have you watched montel?
    -on Wednesdays that silva browne lady?
    It is interesting the things she says about orbes.
    Although for the life of me can't gather the thoughts, just getting more and more emotional as the day nears....

    Anger to sadness theres momments where it is still here in the present and as it passes and I hold Timothy I feel that peace, joy and pleasure we all feel when our babes were born or as Tanna knows about to be.
    Such an exciting time and I can't wait to hear about Yale as he grows....it does make a difference....and it isn't guilt Tanna your right....I'm not sure maybe longing??

    The future is uncertain... but this uncertainty is at the very heart of human creativity

  12. #12
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!

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    Tami, ((((HUGS)))) I know it can still hit somedays pretty hard. You don't need to wonder where your little girl is, I'm not religious either but I know these babies stay with us. Your little girl is with you too. Sometimes you can just feel them, when you see a butterfly that lingers(for me) or hear kids laughing and you just feel their presence. I swear sometimes I'm brought right back to feeling the weight of her in my arms and kissing her cheek. It's not sad but so comforting that I don't care if it sounds crazy. I hope you can find that sort of peace sometimes.
    I love the idea of them playing together too.

    My current pregnancy and stillbirth will be very much on the same time line as your little girl and Timothy. Not alot of time to mourn before getting pregnant again can be very difficult. I've been warned that the birth of your new baby can cause some unresolved grief to surface for the little one you lost. If you need to talk, I'm here just pm.
    Cole is 8 years old! January, 2005
    Nate is 5 years old! January, 2008
    Judah is 2 years old! October, 2010
    Avery Grace born & passed Feb 4, 2007.

    "Why did I not know that birth is the pinnacle where women discover the courage to become mothers?"
    Anita Diamant (The Red Tent)

  13. #13
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!

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    Oh wanted to add also. I know your day is coming up and it must be getting hard as you prepare yourself for it. I've noticed that the build up to anything like that be it a service etc, is always worse than the actual day itself, I hope it is that way for you too Tami and it goes smoothly. Do you have any plans? On a support board I went to in the begining of this preganancy I heard quite a few different things that people have done. Some spend it quietly and don't wish to do anything, others light a candle, balloon release, donation of a child's gift to charity/hospital, I even heard of a birthday cake which is not for me but if it works for them. Anyway just some thoughts of what might help you through in a few weeks.
    Cole is 8 years old! January, 2005
    Nate is 5 years old! January, 2008
    Judah is 2 years old! October, 2010
    Avery Grace born & passed Feb 4, 2007.

    "Why did I not know that birth is the pinnacle where women discover the courage to become mothers?"
    Anita Diamant (The Red Tent)

  14. #14
    Senior Member Tami&amber's Avatar
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    i know when we buy our house that i will be planting a tree and getting a plaque, as we never plan to move again. But as for this coming Dec 22.....cry, light a candle, hold onto my boy.....when he looks at me it melts my heart theres a special something about him...not that the girls aren't

    The future is uncertain... but this uncertainty is at the very heart of human creativity

  15. #15
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!

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    I like the idea of a tree, especially since you'll stay in that house, that's nice. I love to hear that theres something special about your son, I hope I feel that too.
    Cole is 8 years old! January, 2005
    Nate is 5 years old! January, 2008
    Judah is 2 years old! October, 2010
    Avery Grace born & passed Feb 4, 2007.

    "Why did I not know that birth is the pinnacle where women discover the courage to become mothers?"
    Anita Diamant (The Red Tent)

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