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  1. #1
    New Member Mommyoftwo's Avatar
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    Unhappy What should I do now

    I've just recently separated from my husband (Oct 16). We did this because we both weren't happy. We were constantly at each others throat. I wanted him to be more of a dad and he just wanted to do whatever he wanted and not help out with the girls. He would watch t.v. in the basement almost all day long except for when he would come up to refill his coffee. Then I was expected to make him supper at a certain time so then he could commense to the basement again! I was basically already a SM. It just didn'tseem that he was interested in being a regular dad. Some people would ask me if he was depressed but I know he wasn't. We currently have a aggrement on visitations. He takes one of the girls every other week. This is because we do not necessarily want to become enemies. Is this a good idea? I really think it might be in the best interest for the girls, but at the same time I am afraid he might not return them. What should I do now? I do not to get involved with court issues as I can't afford it and I don't think it would benefit the girls if we did that.

    Feeling tied! Help!


  2. #2
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
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    if you have no legal written agreement that is filed in the courts( a piece of paper you both signed does not count ) then he can legally take your kids and not return them.

    I understand not wanting court but its needed and saves arguements etc in the future.

    honestly filing and doing it all your self is very easy more so if you already have an agreement.

  3. #3
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom! mamabear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mommyoftwo View Post
    I really think it might be in the best interest for the girls, but at the same time I am afraid he might not return them. What should I do now? I do not to get involved with court issues as I can't afford it and I don't think it would benefit the girls if we did that.

    Feeling tied! Help!

    Please check out the Family Law Information Center in the courthouse downtown.
    80 Dundas Street (519) 660-3001
    You can talk to a lawyer for free, although you do have to wait around there a bit - admittedly, not easy with kids. Tell the lawyer you are concerned about your ex not returning the children and ask for advice. If you can't afford a lawyer, you may qualify for legal aid, and if not, you can get duty counsel (I'm sure other moms will have more advice on this if you need it). Getting a lawyer does NOT mean you have to go to court! If you are comfortable with the current arrangements (visitation-wise) and you know your ex's income (to figure out child support), you can have your lawyer draw something up and get your ex to sign it. It shouldn't be that different from what is currently going on, so he hopefully shouldn't have a problem agreeing to it. If he does, he can get a lawyer and they can negotiate, and you can attend mediation. If you still can't agree, THEN you would go to court, but it wouldn't be your fault. Getting something signed about custody and visitation is totally necessary - it's not an option, and it's not you being a ***** - it's what you have to do to protect yourself and your family, even if you don't think he is someone you need protection from. And, even if you do have to go to court, the 2 of you can still be friendly and reasonable about it. It can be one of those things that you 2 just don't agree on and need an unbiased knowledgeable third party to decide for you. If you choose to be reasonable about it and he does not, that isn't your fault. You can only be responsible for yourself. Beyond that, all you can do is talk to your ex and keep things friendly. He is responsible for the rest.

    I'm sorry your ex was so unwilling to be the father your kids need, and I'm sorry you're having to go through the stress of separation and being a single mom. Stay strong. Good luck.

  4. #4
    Charmaine
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    Hi, I was a single mom for 5 years. I had my son's father ask me to agree out of court. I didn't do it because I knew he would never pay me. (He rolled my car and never helped out to buy a new one, thats how I knew) So I took him to court. I decided to do this because he never came to visit his son and I never knew where he was. Once I knew he was back at his parents house I served him the papers. I filled them out with the help of a lawyer. I had to book a time at the court to have the lawyer help me fill it out but this was free. Once that was underway, I had to wait for a court date. I applied for legal aid and was denied. I had the option to write a letter as to why I thought I shouldn't have been denied and I was granted Legal aid. (thank God!) The whole process took a very long time and it was so hard to go through. However~ I now have full custody and am SUPPOSED to be getting support payments. Your ex husband seems to be more liable to work things out in a nice manner with you. I couldn't trust my ex to bring our son back if he was visiting. Apply for legal aid and see if you can work it out amongst the three of you. I wish you the best of luck. For the sake of your children and your own sanity, at least have it so that you are the custodial parent. That way he must return your girls to you.
    Also, I wanted to mention that when dad's see their kids, I think they try really hard to make the kids visit extra fun and then you have the joy of trying to get them to come home without crying. You have them most of the time, so its easy for the dad to just have fun with them when he doesnt have them for long. Don't feel bad. I think the suggestion someone had to have ice cream and goodies or something fun for when they get home was an excellent idea. Maybe let the girls know what you have planned for them before they leave to daddy's.
    Wishing you happy holidays. Be brave!!

  5. #5
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    I agree with Charmaine. I was a single mom for 2 yrs. I also got denied for legal aid and wrote a letter pleading my case and won! We did do some of our agreements for support(as my son got older) without court only using duty counsel(free). 1 thing I did do, since we lived in a border city, (and had threatened to take him far away) was have supervised visits until he was old enough to tell me what was going on at Daddy's house. There is no way I would have let him take my son without a legal agreement as that is what it takes for the police to get involved and bring the children back.
    We still deal with Daddy's house being fun and mine not...ie McDonalds and movies, chips all the time...we have Sundaes on Sundays so he knows what to expect when he come back.
    A couple of times he has gone on and on about how it is more fun at Dad's house...I said go live there then if you think it is so much fun because then when you come to see me my house will be fun!

    I can now have a civil almost nice conversation with my ex now after 9 yrs and my ds(11) goes there every other weekend.

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