So mad I could spit.

[tansie]

Originally Posted by tansie

NAME... thanks for your email. I do believe that you feel badly about offending me, and I do believe you are a good person, but I honestly don't feel that you fully understand how or why you did offend me since last time I looked, you still have the statement on your profile. That action on it's own speaks louder than any of the words you have written in your email. So, let's leave it at that.

What do you think?

Yup. Still on her profile, so to me the rest of her email is just patronizing crap to make herself feel better about offending someone. I'll be sending this to her later today. Then, I will take a deep breath and let it go.

As for BFF, if she can live with a friend like that, all the power to her, but I don't EVER want to hear her mention it and I will say something to her if she does.

Thanks again for everyone's support in this.

[Tanya-Mae]

must admit that I haven't read all the previous posts but I will comment that the word “retard“ is one that I do take very personally. My daughter has a friend (12 yrs old) who used it often as a slang without any understanding of what it means. When I hear her using it in my presence I tell her that we do not use that word around here and ask her if she really knew what it means. I explained that is a medical term but society uses it as a negative word. I simply tell her that by definition a “retard“ is what Daegan is... that really sparked enlightenment in her... she apologized profusely and does not use the word anymore.

[barkingboys]

It does sound like a back handed response to me too Tansie. I'm not sure if I would respond or just let it be. It sounds like she is over reacting to your messages (how many responses you've sent)...might spur her on more to get a response. If I were you, I would likely say something to BFF if she does bring it up again. Don't think I'd want her watching over DS either with that kind of attitude.

[tansie]

Originally Posted by tansie

1. Liking that quote was in poor judgment. it is not a reflection of who I am or what I believe in.

2. I had hoped my original response to your email would clarify this. I sincerely regret my actions as I obviously upset you. I must say that I am a bit surprised at the amount of emails I have received from you regarding this I liked the quote on a whim and feel I am unfairly being targeted in your emails.

3. I removed you from FB not because I am upset with you but because FB is a casual and fun forum for me AND my friends and i simply didn't want to takie the chance of offending you again.

4. I apologize again and want you to know that I RECOGNIZE the importance of your message. You have indeed challenged my use of this word as well as the use of FB and in general.

Originally Posted by barkingboys

It does sound like a back handed response to me too Tansie. I'm not sure if I would respond or just let it be. It sounds like she is over reacting to your messages (how many responses you've sent)...might spur her on more to get a response. If I were you, I would likely say something to BFF if she does bring it up again. Don't think I'd want her watching over DS either with that kind of attitude.

Obviously, this is still a bit of a burr! Just wanted to respond again to a couple things, more for myself than anything... and I may end up copying a lot of my replies and emailing them to her! LOL

1. Are the things we like NOT a reflection of who we are?

2. The only things I ever said in the four emails (one was a P.S.) was that I didn't think she was like that, thought she was a good person, and was shocked when I saw it. Not sure how I targeted her at all!

3. Hmmm, so fb must be a place she wants to make fun of things with her friends, that aren't appropriate for her “public“ self to portray. Fine. But don't say it's because you don't wan to offend me again. She still has the saying on her profile. If she was truly sorry she offended me and a gajillion other people, I would think she would have removed it by now.

4. Hmmm, she RECOGNIZES the importance of my message. Guess she just doesn't agree with it!

And, BB... she has never - and now never will - looked after DS!

[tansie]

So, this is what I sent as a reply to her email. I am now done with this. Thansk again for all of your support. If BFF says anything about it, I will tell her I am done discussing it unless she can also tell S how she is feeling. And, perhaps it would hold more weight coming from her. I won't like that BFF won't say anything, but she will have to live with knowing she didn't, not me.

The email I sent...

Thanks for your email.

I do believe that you feel badly about offending me, and I do believe you are a good person, but I honestly don't feel that you fully understand how or why you did offend me since the last time I looked, you still have the statement using “retard in tin foil“ as a like on your profile. That action on its own speaks louder than any of the words you have written in your email.

I have so much more that I wish to say in response to the other things that you have written, but unfortunately, I feel that it is falling on deaf ears. I have discussed this with several friends, and feel justified in the feelings I have. So, I will leave it at that.

Best wishes to you.
C

[barkingboys]

It sounds like a very diplomatic email. You have so many points you could have made, but as you said it wasn't going to get you anywhere.

[tansie]

Originally Posted by barkingboys

It sounds like a very diplomatic email. You have so many points you could have made, but as you said it wasn't going to get you anywhere.

Exactly!

[Mamarazzi]

Originally Posted by tansie

3. Hmmm, so fb must be a place she wants to make fun of things with her friends, that aren't appropriate for her “public“ self to portray. Fine. But don't say it's because you don't wan to offend me again. She still has the saying on her profile. If she was truly sorry she offended me and a gajillion other people, I would think she would have removed it by now.

This is what I got out of it - very two faced sounding.

That was a good reply! Breathe, exhale, move on.

[tansie]

Originally Posted by Mamarazzi

This is what I got out of it - very two faced sounding.

That was a good reply! Breathe, exhale, move on.

Yup.

Done.

[Jenuwyn]

You know what bothers me so much....the use the “F“ word is so taboo, however when people use the “R“ word, there are people that think nothing of it....Personally I think the “R“ word is just as bad as using the “N“ word....I would never ever think of using those two words....I have on occasion used the “F“ word though....to me it's no different than the word 'shit'.

[tansie]

Well. Don't I feel Like a fcking idiot. I sent bff a message asking “doesn't it bother you that she still has that on her profile?“
her response? Not really. I have better things to worry about. Nice. Excuse me while I crawl out from under the bus under which you threw me. Supports me all the way in saying stuff, as long as it is just between us.
I will post later the message I sent her. I'm on my iPod and too hard to copy and paste. Let's just say I am not making any new friends this week!

[/wasn't me/]

sorry ignore this if you want. I don't think anybody threw you anywhere. You don't liek the word. I think its a bad word. but really you let her know that you are unhappy and that is the most you can do. being upset about it for 3 days now is not helping anybody. and you bff has her own things to worry about and maybe to her its just a word. maybe their friendship is more valuable to her then this other person's use of words. what is this grade school where we all had to go to the bathroom in twos? you made your opinion known, I don't see a reason to now be upset at your friend. its her choice whether she is upset or not. its your choice who you remain friends with.

[tansie]

Originally Posted by /wasn't me/

sorry ignore this if you want. I don't think anybody threw you anywhere. You don't liek the word. I think its a bad word. but really you let her know that you are unhappy and that is the most you can do. being upset about it for 3 days now is not helping anybody. and you bff has her own things to worry about and maybe to her its just a word. maybe their friendship is more valuable to her then this other person's use of words. what is this grade school where we all had to go to the bathroom in twos? you made your opinion known, I don't see a reason to now be upset at your friend. its her choice whether she is upset or not. its your choice who you remain friends with.

Umm, ok. You obviously missed where I posted that all along bff has also been saying WTF and I can't believe she posted that. Didn't think it had to be spelled out in black and white, but all along bff has been encouraging me to say something to this other person, so yes, I do feel thrown under the bus by her. If the other persons reaction had been more positive, shed be all over sharing responsibility in educating her. So, yah, I am pissed off.

[girlsrule]

I think she threw you under the bus too. I can`t stand people who won`t stand up for what they believe. Probably helps explain why I like you so much

[sittingpretty]

shit Im sorry tansie I dont know what to say honestly. hope you can knock some sense into her I would be pretty damned pissed to