London Moms Home

Jenuwyn · 08-05-2010, 09:23 AM

OMG I saw the exact same status thing too on one of my friend's profiles and I feel bad because I did nothing.....some days I just don't feel like having a huge argument about it because that's exactly what it always turns out to be.

Hugs to you, and if that person blocked you and defriended you then they weren't a good friend to have.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

SweetyPi · 08-05-2010, 09:31 AM

Maybe your friend hasn't experienced the fallout yet? I was once spineless but Miss A taught me that if I dont speak up for myself and my kids, no one will. I'm perturbed with her little defense myself. What a jerk. I have yet to see any of my friends use that status... and if I do, I will have a lot worse things to say to them. Inconsiderate jerks. I have learned so much from parents who've been there with their special little people, and I would hope that everyone would want to learn those lessons too. But I guess she just proved me wrong. That sucks. I hope your BFF can grow a backbone if she feels that strongly.

Tan5kids · 08-05-2010, 09:40 AM

OMGosh, Tansie, I've seen that status recently and I can't remember whose status it was on.

I feel horrible that I didn't speak up. I know that word needs to stop being used

I do know better but it seems to still slip in and sometimes I don't notice until later.

I will start speaking up Tansie, I love that you bring attention to this. keep advocating and speaking up.
I did once and I tell ya' it sure can stop a group of people from talking when you mention that it is not 'OK' to use that word.

I'm sorry your BFF isn't supporting you.

JeWill · 08-05-2010, 10:11 AM

Big hugs girl!

I am a bit shocked too though I do not know S.W. that well, from what I know of her would not have thought that of her. As for BFF I am not surprised that she will not stand up to SW but am disappointed. Crap if we cannot stand up for our own kids, to whomever it is (even a really close friend or family member) then what good are we!

barkingboys · 08-05-2010, 05:37 PM

That sucks! It sounds to me like she over reacted to what you had said. As others have posted, she probably wasn't worth it to have as a friend listing.

CaitnChloesMum · 08-05-2010, 06:19 PM

All I can say is how “sad“ that people are so ignorant. Keep standing up for what you believe, thats what people love about you! Hope I'll have you in my corner if I need you. <hugs>

tansie · 08-05-2010, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaitnChloesMum

All I can say is how “sad“ that people are so ignorant. Keep standing up for what you believe, thats what people love about you! Hope I'll have you in my corner if I need you. <hugs>

Absolutely! Right behind you... or in front if that's what you need!

BTW, just saw your DH and DDs out for a bike ride. Figured you were working. We still need our bottle of wine date!

L&AMOM · 08-05-2010, 07:26 PM

I have seen that status in 3 of my FB friends status's and wasnt true impressed with that either ... sorry Tansie

tansie · 08-05-2010, 08:24 PM

Ok, so I received an email back from her... which I was really surprised about considering the original response. I have put my thoughts in bold.

Liking that quote was in poor judgment. off to a good start it is not a reflection of who I am or what I believe in. I had hoped my original response to your email would clarify this. her original response was only “i really think you have taken it the wrong way and I am sorry that you think this of me.“ nothing more until now! I don't really see that as a response! I sincerely regret my actions as I obviously upset you. I must say that I am a bit surprised at the amount of emails I have received from you regarding this since I would think my commitment to children's learning and development for the past 19 years and my additional involvements with you in the past would speak volumes about who really am. I sent the original message, one more to reply to her one line response, and then one more when she did the defriend/block. I liked the quote on a whim and feel I am unfairly being targeted in your emails.
I removed you from FB not because I am upset with you but because FB is a casual and fun forum for me AND my friends and i simply didn't want to takie the chance of offending you again. and yet the LIKE is still on her profile
I apologize again and want you to know that I RECOGNIZE the importance of your message. You have indeed challenged my use of this word as well as the use of FB and in general.

I really just want to tell her to go blow. Perhaps I should just say nothing and link her to this thread... am I wrong in reading this as a "justified, full of air apology?" because all I see is contradiction after contradiction in the sorry I offended you, but I like it! Le sigh.

eversoclever · 08-05-2010, 08:50 PM

I'm sorry, tansie. It sounds like she feels badly but she's also laying it on you, like she secretly thinks you're overreacting and being ridiculous.

It's good that you fight for what you believe in, but you have to know that this kind of response is going to pop up every now and again. It's not fair and it's not pretty, but just keep your chin up and don't let the anger consume you. She knows she was wrong, but it's a difficult thing to admit that you slurred people with special needs, yk? Try to give her some time to come to terms with that. Or just write her off and move on. The good news is that I doubt she ever says it again without remembering your interaction!

Reese'smom · 08-05-2010, 09:04 PM

I think that is great that you pointed that out to her so she could take a step back and see how offensive it is. Confrontation like that can be really awkward and uncomfortable for people so perhaps that why she didn't give you the apology you wanted originally.
I don't really think there is much else you can do though. If you two don't see eye to eye, I think I'd just move on, as you've had the chance to make your point and hopefully she will reflect on that.

JeWill · 08-05-2010, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tansie

Ok, so I received an email back from her... which I was really surprised about considering the original response. I have put my thoughts in bold.

Liking that quote was in poor judgment. off to a good start it is not a reflection of who I am or what I believe in. I had hoped my original response to your email would clarify this. her original response was only “i really think you have taken it the wrong way and I am sorry that you think this of me.“ nothing more until now! I don't really see that as a response! I sincerely regret my actions as I obviously upset you. I must say that I am a bit surprised at the amount of emails I have received from you regarding this since I would think my commitment to children's learning and development for the past 19 years and my additional involvements with you in the past would speak volumes about who really am. I sent the original message, one more to reply to her one line response, and then one more when she did the defriend/block. I liked the quote on a whim and feel I am unfairly being targeted in your emails.
I removed you from FB not because I am upset with you but because FB is a casual and fun forum for me AND my friends and i simply didn't want to takie the chance of offending you again. and yet the LIKE is still on her profile
I apologize again and want you to know that I RECOGNIZE the importance of your message. You have indeed challenged my use of this word as well as the use of FB and in general.

I really just want to tell her to go blow. Perhaps I should just say nothing and link her to this thread... am I wrong in reading this as a “justified, full of air apology?“ because all I see is contradiction after contradiction in the sorry I offended you, but I like it! Le sigh.

ummmm.....wow.....not sure what to say, so I will just go onto another topic - can I join you and C for the wine party??? Of course I won't be drinking wine but I am sure I can find something else to drink!

SweetyPi · 08-05-2010, 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tansie

Liking that quote was in poor judgment. it is not a reflection of who I am or what I believe in. I had hoped my original response to your email would clarify this. I sincerely regret my actions as I obviously upset you. I must say that I am a bit surprised at the amount of emails I have received from you regarding this since I would think my commitment to children's learning and development for the past 19 years and my additional involvements with you in the past would speak volumes about who really am. I liked the quote on a whim and feel I am unfairly being targeted in your emails.
I removed you from FB not because I am upset with you but because FB is a casual and fun forum for me AND my friends and i simply didn't want to takie the chance of offending you again.
I apologize again and want you to know that I RECOGNIZE the importance of your message. You have indeed challenged my use of this word as well as the use of FB and in general.

I removed your bold because I had to read the message in context... the last 19 YEARS this person has worked with kids and she still thinks that 'retarded' in the offensive use is acceptable?! Eff you. It sounds nothing but a whole pat on the back whine because I don't see this as a problem bs answer. I'm furious and I don't know this woman! I'd just reply with a link to the FB group to end the word. Then ask her to defend her stance to them. Grr.

sabb6canada · 08-05-2010, 09:21 PM

{{hugs}} I still don't understand why people just don't get it. Even when you point it out to them in a polite manner that the “R“ word is just plain hurtful, offensive and degrading in every way. Good for you for standing in what you believe in and I am right there beside you in the battle of making people aware.

tansie · 08-06-2010, 12:08 AM

Thank you to all of you. I've stated time and time again that if i think I will be met with ignorance, I don't bother trying to educate... and that's why this caught me so off guard. And, I agree that I think she does feel badly, but thinks it's MY problem that I feel that way. At this point I am trying to decide whether to respond, or to just ignore her last email and let her (maybe, but I doubt it) stew on the fact she gets no response from me.

The other thing I thought of saying was something along the following...

NAME... thanks for your email. I do believe that you feel badly about offending me, and I do believe you are a good person, but I honestly don't feel that you fully understand how or why you did offend me since last time I looked, you still have the statement on your profile. That action on it's own speaks louder than any of the words you have written in your email. So, let's leave it at that.

What do you think?