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  1. #1
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    Default Why is it assumed working moms don't want to raise their children?

    I know opening a bag here, but its bugging me. I've heard that comment time and time again and especially right now when I am a SAHM for the summer its irking me.

    For me personally its not that I don't WANT to raise my own children. Its that financially its not an option.

    When I work, yes my kids are raised elsewhere, but I bring in the funds to take them for fun weekends away or dinners out and movies now and than. Not to mention have the money to buy groceries and clothing they need. Obviously that can still work in one income homes if its high enough, just my DH also doesn't bring in alot.

    Right now with no work, no income my kids are already bored of library activities a week into summer. We have no spare funds to take a daytrip somewhere fun and its depressing.

    Give me tonights winning Lottomax ticket and I'll stay home with the kids till their 40...but please don't comment that because I'm working it means I don't want to raise them.
    A by the book mama to a completley healthy DD Dec.2002 and doing it all different, BWng, CDing, BLWing, crunchy mama to an equally healthy DS Nov.2008 apparently a cosleeping mama DS Aug. 2011

  2. #2
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    I've actually never heard that comment - but maybe I'm just not paying attention .

    I work because financially I HAVE to (although on mat leave currently). Try to ignore 'those' people as best as you can. At least you have your summer off, most don't have that!

  3. #3
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    I've never had that comment, but I get the opposite from my mom, she doesn't understand why I liked being home with them. Course I've discovered when it comes to parenting she and I are total opposites!
    Mommy to three adorable kids!

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    “I“ am raising my child regardless of where she stays during the day.
    And not working is not an option.
    Last edited by lacuna; 07-09-2010 at 08:05 AM.

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    I'm glad no one has said that to me...'cause quite frankly I'd probably freak out on them. There is nothing I'd rather do than be able to stay at home with my kids, and not have to pay someone else to do it. It actually pains me to do so, but it is just not possible financially for us for me to be a SAHM and for us to have a good quality of life. If we want to eat, there has to be money coming in from my end, and not just a little bit either. It's quite a sore spot for me so I usually don't talk about it.
    Last edited by MrsKK; 07-09-2010 at 08:03 AM.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by lacuna View Post
    “I“ am raising my child regardless of where she stays during the day.
    And not working is not an option.
    ITA!

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    The only people who say that are useless jerks.

    I am a sahm, not because of ideology, but because it makes financial sense for us. I want to work even though I don't have to, and have in the past, and will again in the future I am sure.

  8. #8
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    If people say that to you, just respond “I would love to stay home with my kids, thanks very much! I take cash or money order, you can make that out to mommymanda.“
    The poster formerly known as Geomamma

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    I have a friend - single mom - who was venting about this. It seems no matter what your choice is you're going to get people saying dumb things. Like if you work, you are allowing someone else to raise your kids. If you stay home, you're lazy. So youre damned if you do and damned if you dont.

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    I'm not a working mom but I think even if you decided you wanted to work but didn't have to it is fine. There's nothing wrong with saying I work because I enjoy it. Nothing wrong with not wanting to be a sahm anymore than there is with wanting to stay home.
    Cole is 8 years old! January, 2005
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    "Why did I not know that birth is the pinnacle where women discover the courage to become mothers?"
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  11. #11
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    I think that unfortunately you can not win when it comes to being home or working. If you work you get comments like you mentioned. Which are hurtful and question your very being as a mother .. or at least that is how it felt when I got those questions Like I was not putting my child first or was not “mom“ eneough to care for her at all times.

    The flip side is now I am a SAHM and i get the “oh you don't work?“ ... “well what do you really do with your days?“ or the one that pissed me off the most “well you do not contribute financially to your household then so really it is DH who is repsonsible for the WHOLE family. That does not seem fair“. Pissed me off! SAHM are often viewed as lazy couch potatoes that sit around and eat bon bons while watching soaps.

    I can honestly say I have done both and I feel for you. It is hard when you are not able to do the one that you want. Ignore the jerks and know you are doing what you need to for your family and they are well taken care of
    Help my Kaitlyn reach her goal of selling 100 boxes of Chocolate Mint Girl Guide cookies. $5 each and we dliver. PM me


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  12. #12
    Junior Member alisonx2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mamarazzi View Post
    So youre damned if you do and damned if you dont.
    Before kids, I used to think this too. I now think that instead of there being no right choice/answer - I think there is no wrong choice/answer.

    You do what you gotta do.

  13. #13
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    I think women who go back to work early may suffer a judgement like that but I don't believe for one minute that a working mom doesn't want to raise her kids. I don't know where you heard such a thing (perhaps from someone older?), but the reality is that women have to work.


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  14. #14
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    You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.

    And you know? Some women actually *choose* to work even if they don't need to. One of my good friends chose to go back to work, she's a director of libraries at a University out west, and she was not going to give up her career. She is an excellent mom, dedicated, really into family, loves her little ones to pieces... I would NEVER assume she didn't want to raise her children. And even sometimes, the green-eyed monster rears its head and I think, “I'm such a failure in my career“ when I look at her.

    Women get the shaft in this society, dude. We can't freakin' win.
    "Show me your horse and I will tell you who you are." -- Old English Saying

  15. #15
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    Some people just suck.

    I get asked a lot of questions on why I'm not working and have the kids in daycare full time.

    For us, it makes sense. We have tons and tons of appointments, and it's easier to have scheduled childcare, than trying to find someone constantly.
    This way, whoever has an appointment stays home with mom, goes to their appointment and life goes on. The other two are tended to.
    No need to call and harrass everyone we know to find someone available.

    It makes appointments much nicer and calmer, because you can focus on the child and their specific issue, and actually hear what the other person is saying.

    Plus, it'll be a huge bonus once the new baby is born. The kids get to play all day and have fun, and mommy and baby will get to sort out nursing etc.

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