extension to my "it feels so wrong" thread

[Tanya-Mae]

Alright, still trying to look at all the angles of placing Daegan in a DevEd classroom. The way I'm seeing it, there are two potential problems with a DevEd placement for him.

(1) social implications. He will be bussed out-of-district. My daughter already goes out-of-district (for french immersion). I have seen first hand the added "stuff" that comes along with that. Plus, I want him to have all the "normal" social opportunities... playdates, birthday parties, neighbourhood friends, etc. I've questioned the teacher at the room I think could work about the socializing outside of school hours. The answer was not reassuring. Daegan has been to about 6 birthday parties this year. I do not believe could happen in this classroom for a variety of reasons. Yet on the flip side, I know things will become more difficult for him socially as he gets older and his peer group in a regular classroom continues to develop at a much faster rate than him. My poor boy is damned either way.

(2) if I place him in a DevEd room the chances become slim to none that he will ever earn a highschool diploma. I honestly do not know if he will ever achieve this in inclusion but my point is that I simply do not want to close any doors on him.

Currently he has just repeated grade one. He is IPRC'd and fully IEP'd. This year he had 50% EA assistance. Monday I discuss the forseeable resources he can expect to recieve next year in a fully inclusive grade 2 class placement. I already know he will be getting less. Previous to this past year he was receiving 100% EA assistance.

According to his IEP this year, english, math, social studies and science/technology are modified. Visual arts, gym, and music are accommodated. First term independence & advocacy skills were alternative. Second term was a total wipe-out due to some severe behavioural issues that are now much improved with ADHD med trials (started March). Third term is "catch-up" from term two losses.

Annual programming goals for the year were: achieve 75-100% of the reading; 75% of the writing; and 25% of the oral language expectations at the kindergarten level.

He has and continues to make gains but always at his own pace. The teacher he had this year was awesome. She has told me that she firmly believes that Daegan would have progressed even further if he has more one-on-one. He needs to constant presence to give him direction and prompts to stay on task. He needs a ton of opportunity for repetition. I agree with her assessment. I firmly believe that he is a smart kid. How smart, who knows, but there is definitely alot more in there than is coming out. I finally got a date for a psyc assessment. He goes to Sick Kids on July 9th for this. My big goal/priority for him this last year has been speech. I have sacrificed and worked by butt off hugely to tap into and cooridinate all possible speech services available to him. His receptive, expressive, and language delays are impacting everything. It is coming together. My private SLP has actually volunteered the info to me that she believes there is no reason why Daegan cannot have perfectly clear speech one day. It will be a long, hard battle but it can (and will) be done. He will be attending one, maybe two weeks of intensive speech camp in July. This wil depend on the results of my application to President's Choice Children's Charities. As you can imagine, camp is not cheap... $500 per week. I don't work and Daegan's father never contributes anything. Working on that though with family lawyer #4.

All of Daegan's "issues" are believed to be genetic in etiology. He has a spontaneous micro deletion of genetic material. This was investigated to confirm his diagnosis of cleidocranial dysplasia which is an extremely rare form of dwarfism. Not that having this diagnosis is rare enough... it being caused by a deltetion is rather than by a genetic mutation is even rarer.. then to factor in the point that this deletion he has also encompasses the neighbouring regions of genetic material... simply unheard of! Point being.. my kid has been investigated to a crazy extent and there is absolutely no one else anywhere to compare my kid with. We have nothing to base predictions on. Anytime someone has made a prediction it failed miserably (thank goodness)!!!!

I am at a roadblock here with no clear idea as to what to do. I've seen two DevEd placements. The first one was not even a consideration. The second I think has potential. There is no chance of seeing anymore rooms nor do I honestly want to see any more at this time as I am really undecided. I must make a decision.

Any suggestions, points of view, insight into experiences with your own kids would be greatly appreciated as I do value that experiences from those who have BTDT. My experiences only go so far as my two kids.

[laurensmom]

Tanya-Mae, I do not envy your decision, it IS a tough one. I am sure that you will make the best decision for your child, which ever route you decide to go.

The only experiece I can offer is what I have seen at our school. I am sure that I have posted before about the awesome DevEd classroom which is across the hall from my own. I have had students (2) move from my room into that room the following year, and seen wonderful changes in them. They both thrived in that atmosphere whereas they were struggling and frustrated in a regular classroom with insufficient supports and assistance. Both boys blossomed in their confidence and social interactions with others in the room. Both had previously been retained in grade 1 and were moved to that classroom for what should have been their grade 3 year. Not knowing your child, I cannot speculate on wether he would benefit in the same way.

Additionally, there was one boy who DID move from the dev ed classroom into a regular grade 7 classroom in my experiece there. He had made significant progress, and was integrated into the regular room for certain subjects in grade 6. In grade 7 they decided to place him back in a regular room with some supports and an IEP in place. His is currently in HS now.....soooo I don't think you are permanently closing doors if you decide to try out the dev ed room this year.

Good luck to your son.

[barkingboys]

I was wondering about some of what Laurensmom mentioned too. If you move him now, can you not move him back again? I did not know that those in a dev class don't get the option to go to high school. As for social implecations, couldn't he meet those with team mates from his hockey or something else like that?

[Tan5kids]

I have things to say, but I'm heading to bed right now. I'll chime in tomorrow

[Tanya-Mae]

Laurensmon: thank you so much for your words of wisdom. It does mean alot! Really, it is the ratio that I am really seeking. It is just a sad reality that what you often need to do to get it IMO.

Barkingboys: sure, I could always move him back.. I can do whatever I want... but with how much effort? I personally have zero faith in my school board and even less in the consultant I must deal with. Also, I do not want to be transferring Daegan from school to school needlessly, and having to scramble to get resources at his home school if the DevEd placement did not work out. Just to clarify: those in a DevEd classroom do get to go to highschool. They are just working towards a different goal... a highschool certificate rather than a diploma. Sure, he could make friends with teamates, I have him heavily scheduled in sports. He currently plays blastball, running, soccer, group swimming lessons and private swimming lessons; but I also want him to be connecting with the “normal“ population... quite honestly want it all with my kids.

Tan5kids: I look forward to what you have to say.. I know you are one of the ones who has been-there-done-that with your little man with success.

[Geomamma]

I haven't been there, done that. I just wanted to wish you luck. I just wanted to say one thing - since I pulled my daughter and began homeschooling her, one of my biggest worries has been her reduced peer group. As the months have gone by, I have seen that she is not really lacking. Her social deficiencies mean that her social world is more likely to be smaller anyway because she can't really function in a big group, and the fact that she has a handful of true friends (instead of 18 or 25 classmates) is fine for her. I don't think she could handle having a lot of kids around. I find at most, she can handle 2 or 3 friends, and so as time goes on, I find comfort in the fact that she really has what she needs with a few playmates.

We were talking about this very issue with Dr Nicolson last week and he said that a lot of parents overestimate how many friends a child needs. He said that if you ask the average adult, they probably only have a handful of real, true friends, so why do we expect our kids to have 25 friends? I just thought it was an interesting point, and it has given me comfort.

Good luck. xo

[*allie*]

I don't know anything about your son's diagnosis, him, or how it must feel to make this choice. But one thing jumped out at me - that you fear if you put him in this classroom, he may never get a high school diploma.
Do you think he will one day be capable of any kind of job in the workforce?
The reason I ask is that I have a brother who dropped out of highschool and did the last two years of high school as work. He went to work in a garage every day, and the hours counted as high school. He had to do some tests at some point, but believe me it wasn't a really 'academic' oriented testing thing or he would not have bothered with it. He had some special considerations in place, such as people wrote for him and he dictated his answers...
Point is, he got his diploma without going to class the last two years.
So perhaps there are programs out there that would help your son? If he could handle any job someday, it can help towards his diploma, maybe?

And if he can't handle a job one day, then the diploma is realy just a piece of paper and not much use...and many awesome people live life without one (my mom for example). *hugs*.

Is he able to voice what he thinks of his current classroom, or of switching? Has he toured the new one?
As for kids living near him for his social life - are there kids on your street? Sometimes I found that if the kids nearby knew the kid from school, then whatever rep they had at school haunted them everywhere. Where as if a kid was from a different school and kids only knew him from the street, they were more accepted...because they were there, convenient, and isn't that what kids' friendships are mostly based on in the early years.

Just a thought because if he does struggle more and more in the current situation as time goes on, it could leak into his social life anyway. Where as if he had kind of two worlds, school and neighbourhood/social stuff, it might help?