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  1. #1
    Expert Forum User Horvyboysmom's Avatar
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    Default Only what you can handle?

    Do you believe that? I was sitting here tonight wondering if I do. Are you only given in live what you can physically or emotionally or spiritually able to handle? I have a wonderful marriage, healthy children and the best friends a girl could ever ask for, but honestly the rest of my life well....sucks. My step father passed away, I lost my job, my hubby can't get stable work, my father passed away, my mom is a walking time bomb, my hubby is in school, I have no time, I have no sitter I can't recall the last time I spent quality time with my husband and if it wasn't for a great marriage to begin with, I am sure it wouldn't survive this. My kids beg me not to go out the door because since loosing my job I have found 2 but the orientation for both is pretty much full time and so I work bacially every day and now, my husbands aunt is palliative and I am not sure how much more I can handle.
    I know this will pass, but when? I know it will seem trivial to some, who deal with their special needs children on top of everything else, but do you believe we are only given what we can handle? How to you find the positive in the negative? Help me find my light at the end of the tunnel...or help me create a light with what I have.

    Sorry it turned into such a long post. Thanks for reading....

  2. #2
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    I think that saying is a load of crap. After watching friends of ours lose their LO to a brain tumor, I think it's total crap. Yes, we muddle through, but you have to. Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. You do what you can and time just marches by, if you're handling it or not. And with time, it gets better.
    Sorry you're having a rough time...that doesn't sound easy. Is there any way that you could call a relative, friend or neighbor to watch the kiddos while you & DH go for a walk/picnic?
    This too shall pass. Keep your chin up and you'll see the light...(((hugs))).
    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pumpkinery-Creations/220912411314225

  3. #3
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    Whenever I feel stressed about what life is throwing me (which is more often than not), I will say (even out loud), “Someone thinks I'm a lot stronger than I do!“ and then get on with the next step. I find if I think about the positives that are going just right while sipping a hot coffee, it helps deal with the 'hard stuff' when it surfaces back.

    Hope you day goes great and you are re-energized for another round.

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    Sometimes I believe it, sometimes I don't. When I'm having a really, really, really crappy day, I will get out my old pictures of those that mean the world to me that have passed and have a good cry. Then I will take out a newer set of pictures to see just what I have accomplished thus far in my life. We are going through some huge struggles right now here too and I'm often thinking “why me, why now“ but I keep on truckin' and I know that things will sort themselves out, just with my guidance/input.

    Life has it's bumps, bruises and scrapes, I think how we handle them is what counts, do we ice them, tend to them, bandage them, or do we leave them to try to heal themselves (sorry for the awkward analogy, I hope it makes sense)

  5. #5
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!

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    I don't believe that saying. I think that many people around me have been given more than they can handle, at the detriment of thier mairage, family, job or life. I know that I often feel like my life is more than I can handle......for many of the reasons you list in your post I get through it, and things get better eventually, but I often wonder why I am given so much crap, so often, that I really feel unable to enjoy my kids, my DH and my life in general in the way I want. I often seems very unfair........

  6. #6
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    I think that saying is b.s. to be honest. First of all, who is the 'giver' in that? Is it God? If so, does that mean God figures since you can handle suffering you might as well suffer more than the guy next to you? Seems pretty unfair to me. And if people are only given as much as they can handle, how would that explain suicides, breakdowns etc....God miscalculated?Uh...so much for all knowing.

    I think for one thing, it's the problem of the more you have to lose, the more vulnerable you are. The more people you love, the more likely you will experience some kind of suffering from them: if they get ill; if they are out of work; if they die. But it's like that saying “Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?“
    Of course we still want people in our lives. Of course we still have loved ones. It just means we have more to lose, the more we love...y'know?

    I'm sorry you have so much going on in your life right now
    That sounds so difficult. I don't think there's any big mean God going “Here Horvoyboysmom, you're strong...I'll punish you for that by making this person sick and giving you long hours and making your kids cry.“
    I think life is just hard sometimes.
    *hugs*
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    Baby Elaina born October 28th, 2011. Making every single day that much more special.
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  7. #7
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    I don't believe in that saying either b/c obviously some people were “given“ more than they could handle (mental breakdowns, suicide etc)

    I hope things get better for you soon (((HUGS)))

    Formerly Jacksmommy
    Becky ~ Mom to two busy boys, Jack & Ben


    ~Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind~
    ~Dr. Seuss~

  8. #8
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    I don't actually buy that saying so much.

    I think we deal with what we are given because as Mothers. What other choice do we have.

    We trudge through all the BS and each and every sad, horrible, devastating experience makes us that much happier for the good we do have.

    My 1999 was my crap year
    My Dad died in January, my Mom in March, my car in April, Diagnosed with MS December, stove and microwave on Christmas day

    Seriously I was so happy to see the tail end of 1999.

    Hold on to the GREAT in your life Jenn.

  9. #9
    Expert Forum User Tannaleigh's Avatar
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    I think its true. I think we are only given what we can handle. andeven if you don't like it or understand why. Its true.

    My personal experiences tell me yes. And I've witnessed women going through things that you just think God is being cruel. But even to these women at some point get it!

    I think it often takes hard times to appreciated the good. To see where you once were to where you are now and say Ah Ha. I get it.

    It took me forever to think I wasn't being punished when the twins were born so early. Then I got it, when I was put in the position to fight for a life, instead of just watch it slip away with nothing to do to stop it!

    I hope things gets better for you!
    Yale 4yr old
    Kane 1yr old
    and baby makes 3!!! Errr... 4!


  10. #10
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    I think it's something we're told or say to give us hope that we'll get through. It's not always true. Hardships are one of those things that you don't know if you'll survive until you're through. And what does 'handle' mean, really? That it won't make you feel like shit for a long time or change who you are forever? Not likely.

    I was told this a lot in the past year. In truth, it made me feel like I was being punished for being who I am. Made me want to just crumple up and go to bed to show everyone I *couldn't* handle it... then maybe it would go away.

    Sorry things have been hard. When the big things are bringing me down, I look for the little things to be happy about. Like nudie bums and baby bedhead and kids giving you spontaneous hugs from behind while you``re on your computer

  11. #11
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    I don't think I believe that. I do think we do what we can to find ways to handle what we're given and when we can't handle it we need to be willing to accept help or seek out help if it's not right there in front of us.

    I've had a rather crappy year but I think actively looking for the positives among the negatives and trying to focus on one or two of them a day helps in the moment... and in time things change and become easier to handle.

    I try to remember the saying if we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's we'd quickly take back our own... I think that's usually true.

    So sorry things aren't going well for you right now. I hope they start to look up soon. (hugs)

  12. #12
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    I don't know how I feel about that saying, really. I do believe, however, that you always have a choice in how you react to the things that life throws at you. One of my pet peeves is when people use unfortunate situations as a crutch through their entire lives...
    I'm sorry to hear that there is so much on your plate right now. Continue to stay as positive as you can and keep the important things in focus...



  13. #13
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom! eversoclever's Avatar
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    I think of it in a more empowering way. Like, God has placed you where you are today. He has equipped you and He has made you capable.

    And sometimes I believe it. Other times I crumble. I'm sorry you're stretched so thin right now.
    Last edited by eversoclever; 06-12-2010 at 12:45 PM.

  14. #14
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!

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    I think we live in an imperfect world and that sometimes bad things happen as a result. I don't think we will ever understand why certain things happen.

    Sorry to hear about all you have been going/gone through.

    Can you switch childcare with someone? sometimes me and my sister do that so we can get out. even if you just get a couple hours with your hubby, it sounds like it's much needed. *hugs*

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    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!

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    I think the saying is too general. When your given something you cannot handle I think you at some point need to make a conscious choice to decide how it will affect you and what you will make that experience. What I'm trying to say is that I think people are given more than they can handle but then they can grow and learn to manage it. Sort of what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger.
    I hope things get better.
    Cole is 8 years old! January, 2005
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    "Why did I not know that birth is the pinnacle where women discover the courage to become mothers?"
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