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Indigo74 · 06-10-2010, 03:55 PM

I know I'm a broken record with this stuff, but I just can't seem to get enough of a break with some SILENCE to work this out in my mind.

DS isn't 'constipated' anymore, IMO. I'm sure his colon is still not back to normal size yet, but he's starting to go every day.

He goes several times a day. Does not typically allow for one complete BM--he lets it out in small amounts, several times.

Here's my issue: I don't want to add more pressure or shame, but at the same time, I DO think it's reasonable to start adding some expectations.

For the longest time, he wouldn't even move once he felt a BM coming. We started talking to him about needing to do it privately and for awhile he was REALLY good about running to the bathroom to go (Even though it was still in a pullup)

Well, he's getting lazy about that part now. And sneaky. He will avoid running to the washroom b/c he's interested in what he's doing or doesn't want to bother with the inconvenience. I may not know that he's done this for awhile.

I don't want to punish. But I do want to make it more inconvenient for him when he chooses not to go into the washroom. Likewise, he is still coming home from school with some small amounts in his pullup--I believe he's afraid to ask the teacher to call me even though we've talked about it.

I don't know what is reasonable in terms of expectations, I guess. He loses interest in incentives VERY quickly.

If this was someone else, I think I could approach it very easily. For some reason I can't get perspective on this

*allie* · 06-10-2010, 08:56 PM

I'd be worried about shame and embarrassement too.
Depending on your son - could you talk to him about it? Explain why it took him longer to learn than other kids - his bowel problem you mentioned etc. Tell him how it's a really good thing that he is going everyday now, that means his body is working again -
and now it's time for the next step in being a big kid.
Doing it on the toilet.
I would not punish for not going, but would try rewarding for when he does go on the toilet or at least, in the bathroom.

Perhaps, something like one checkmark or sticker for going in the bathroom and three for doing it on the toilet? After he gets 25, he gets (whatever you think he'd like). Something like that?
Hmmm.
Or what if he could earn time chips. Like, everytime you go ON the toilet and NOT in the pullup, you get a 15 minute time chip to play DS or wii, anytime you want

Something like that???

I'd be as lost as you I think. I'd be so worried I'd cause shame or something lol. I already worry that with dd and she's only three.
eta: I'd tell him how proud I am when he does do it 'right', but I would basically say very little and just matter of factly clean and change him when he does it in a pullup. No guilt etc, but no extra attentino for it either kwim? Just business.

Indigo74 · 06-11-2010, 01:01 AM

thank you allie, so much

i feel sick to my stomach about it every time i think about it because i KNOW that for a long time we pushed it too much and probably did impose guilt. i don't know what i was thinking

and even now, when there are times that he doesn't leave his activity to go INTO the washroom, I get really frustrated with him sometimes, depending on the day. And that's not right...talk about performance anxiety

I know the cardinal rule is to be neutral about it, and yet I let my own frustration show through and I shouldn't. I let emotion show----I knew he just didn't want to leave his activity. And I should be able to address it neutrally. I'm so impatient with this stuff sometimes.

*allie* · 06-11-2010, 11:36 AM

OH hey I didn't even think of this.
DS used to do this sometimes, even recently, where he would wait til the last second to go to the washroom, and then have a smear in his underwear or pee a bit in them.
So I would talk to him about how we can't leave it til the last second - what if someone else is in there? And its' not good for your body etc.
If he did it again, I would talk to him and explain that I'm going to help him remember not to leave it til the last second. So for example before we leave the house, soon as we get home, or before/after meals I'd start mentioning “Do you need to use the washroom?“ to kinda prompt him.
I only did it for a few days to get him back into not waiting til the last second.
You could try a sort of modified version of that?
Like if he had a digital watch that could beep every half hour or something and he is to go in and try, and if he ignores the beep sorry - tv goes off, or game system goes off, or whatever. (Instead of just pausing it like a kid would do kwim?)