I've posted about this before :(

[Tan5kids]

Went to c&J's birthday party

the kids all got a goody bag from party packagers. Well Braxton all the way home is telling Andrew and Noah, i don't have to share its mine... blah blah blah.

This is becoming a big issue around our house. Braxton NEVER ever wants to share. Unless it is someone elses toy. If he comes home from school with a car from his teacher he immediately runs into his room so he can play with it by himself.

He is really MEAN to the other kids, especially Noah, We have talked about it to him so many times and he will give all the right answers. He has seen it modeled many times. Everyone here shares. Its always more fun when you have someone to play with.

So we get home and the kids start to open the loot bags and Braxton sat and watched everyone else, even played with some of Noah and Andrew's things... and then he grabs his bag and heads for his room.

DH took it away and told him if he doesn't share he doesn't get it


What can I do. This is creating BIG stress here at my house. It isn't okay that he doesn't share his things. EVER


please help.


we are headed out to the splash pad to cool the kids off. it would be awesome to come back with an answer or a few

[*allie*]

How old is he? Is he your son who has special needs?

Hmm.
Have you tried giving him a taste of his own medicine - if he's capable of understanding that and not just getting upset with no lesson involved kwim?
Basically, what I'd try (if he can grasp it ok) is next time he's not sharing or being boasty like that, I'd follow him around. Everytime he goes to reach for something, I'd say “oh! No sorry, that's Noah's. You can't play with that. Oops, nope, that's dad's. Can't use that.“ for a few minutes and then sit him down and explain that it sucks, right? That's how you act to everyone else.
Doesn't feel so good does it?

Or what about something that is useless without other parts? Like...give a gift of something that if they don't work together sharing, is no fun at all. Like for example croquet : give him the hoops. Noah the balls. Brooklynn the mallets, etc. If one wants to play they all have to share - or it's not fun. ???

[sittingpretty]

Tan welcome to the world of FASD just keep doing what you do and pray that some day it clicks I am sorry I know its not what you want to hear but its the truth honey xoxox

I dont have advice becasue I only have D but when she pulls the its mine stuff on me and tries to lay claim to things I just take them away Im not sure how that can work in your home though.

Is it feasible to allow him to be greedy and also make sure the other kids know they dont have to share with him unless he is sharing? or maybe he does not own anything that everything he gets is the houses like even gifts are addressed B and family? there fore he can not lay claim to things?

I did that with D for a very long time she owned nothing it was always the house

[PancakeMom]

Sounds like SP is right, if that is what he suffers from it will be difficult to overcome. I found this that seems to support it-

➤ Inability to generalize information
Difficulty forming links and associations, unable to
apply a learned rule in a new setting; learns to not
take Johnny’s bike, but then takes Mary’s bike.
➤ Communication challenges
Appears to understand instructions, nod and agree,
but is unable to comprehend. Often repeats rules
verbatim, then fails to apply the rules — “talks the
talk” but doesn’t “walk the walk.”

Taken from http://www.accel-capea.ca/pdf/FASDToolKit.pdf

(hugs mama)

[Tan5kids]

it looks like it is unfixable. My older kids get it. But Noah doesn't

[sittingpretty]

Originally Posted by Tan5kids

it looks like it is unfixable. My older kids get it. But Noah doesn't

((hugs)) i know its hard but dont necessarily give up there have been a ton of things I thought D would never get and after over 1000 times she clicked and got it and I know its frustrating pm me here or fb anytime sweety I get it I really do.

[Tan5kids]

it drives me nutso. He would rather keep his toy in his room and not let anyone touch it. I keep showing him we all do. Its more fun when you have people to play with.\\thanks so much SP |PM and Allie it helps to know it is normal in some ways.. kwim

[MrsSunshine]

im just curious. don't shoot me for it.. did all your kids get a loot bag. like his. or all the kids at the party.. including N. and he doesn't want to share his. and the others do share their stuff.. or they all received one and are willing to share and he did too but doesn't want to share his... did that make sense.. ykiwm.. im just wondering if all your kids received the same thing or similar things why he has to share.. i understand the point of sharing (esp if your the only one who received it) as well as sharing in general. but if its causing such a problem.. can he just not share without being punished. ykwim.. don't hate me for asking. maybe i just dont' understand the sitch

[sittingpretty]

Oh tan I get it I do and you are normal lol its beyond annoying and hard esp when they “look“ so normal its hard some says and people really dont get it all the time unless they have lived it or at least spent time with kids who have the disorder.

((hugs))

[Tan5kids]

everyone got an age appropriate loot bag. so everyone had some new little $ store type toys. Braxton was very eager to dig into everyones loot bags and help them all open theirs and use the crayons and paper that Noah got/ Noah put a hand on Braxtons mini ball and Braxton grabbed all of his toys and took them to his room. Then came up to share more of his siblings toys.

He doesn't mind sharing when it belongs to someone else. As long as it isn't his... all is well.

I don't understand why or how it can possibly be more fun to go play by yourself with toys then sharing with your siblings.

He has always been like this and has and does break other people''s new toys if he gets jealous. we keep a pretty close eye on new toys the other kids get.

[MrsSunshine]

i totally understand your frustration Tan.. I do. our kids are sometimes like that.. they get something new or different and just want to be alone to enjoy it. without being bugged. will he ever outgrow this stage..??

[one ordinary girl]

I'm sorry Tan I dont have any advice. Hugs hun

[barkingboys]

No advise, but hopefully as SP mentioned if you continue to model it for him it will one day click. It sounds terribly frustrating!

[Tan5kids]

We have made progress

I told Braxton that he didn't have to share his toys but no one else in the house had to share with him either.

I told him if he wants to play with Noah and Noah's toys, he needed to bring up a couple of his toys to share.

It is working. Sometimes Braxton will decide he doesn't want to play and take his toys and go . I've told him he has to play for atleast 1/2 an hour and I set a timer.

The reason I set a timer is because Braxton was playing for 5 minutes and then taking off to his room and it was driving Noah nuts!!

Thanks for all the suggestions ladies

[MrsSunshine]

always the brilliant thinking momma you are. nice work!