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  1. #1
    Senior Member 2girlsmom's Avatar
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    Default Help, my 8 year old is being a brat!

    My 8 year is being very sassy and talking back. I have tried time outs, taking away privliges ect. I do not know what else to do, she has started to tell me that she hates me because she does not get everything she wants. Some days she has good days but others like last night almost send me into tears. I know she feels left out, I run a home daycare and she is getting tired of sharing me all the time. I am wondering if I am alone in this situation? Any suggestions? Thanks in advance.
    Loving mom to DD '99 and DD '01
    Proud foster mom to #4 and counting




  2. #2
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
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    This reminds me of the post *I* put up about my 8-yr-old daughter a while back. It does get better. Be firm, ignore the rudeness, and find some time to spend alone with her (my daughter loves going to the grocery store with me so we can talk). Hang in there. Personally, I hate the even years...

  3. #3
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    time outs for attitudes dont work ignoring it does.

    My 7 regualrly tells me she ahtes, why she wants to push me I tell that if she hates me it means I am doing a good job.

    Ignore the attiude and dont respond at all, if she insists on having everything she wants like my dd trys tell her the difference between a right and a privilidge ie: its a right to have clothing ( 7 outfits to be exact) but its a prividlge to have nice matching ones. I know for my DD this threat didnt work untill I actually sent her to school in the most god awful unmatching outfit (and yes I know its mean) it stopped the attidue fast and now all I need to do is ask which clothing she prefers the ones she has a right to or ones that are a privilidge

  4. #4
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    My son is 7 and he would be considered a highly sensitive child. This translates to him being VERY emotional about many things. So, his frustration usually turns to anger and then he lashes out verbally.

    Once, he told me he hated me and wished he didn't have a mom like me. So, I calmly took his hand, walked him to the front door. Asked him to put on his shoes. I put on his hat. I took his hand and walked him to the side walk and said "good-bye". He asked 'why?'

    I told him that if he hated me and wanted a new mom then he obviously couldn't live here as I do and I wasn't leaving. I told him I loved him and he was free to find a new mom as I just wanted him to be happy. Then I went inside.

    A few minutes later he came back and apologized and told me he really doesn't hate me but was just frustrated with the situation. I think my being calm helped him to realize that when we are hurt or angry or frustrated it does not warrant verbal abuse toward another.

    When he tries to argue with me I do not tolerate it . I simply send him to his room. One weekend when I first started this approach he went to his room probably 20 times. But, he got the hint and stopped arguing for a while. Now everytime he starts to slide again I send him back to his room. And, my rule is that when he gets to come back down from his room he is NOT allowed to bring up whatever he was attempting to argue about or he goes back to his room. Seems to work for the most part.

  5. #5
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    Unhappy

    Oh gosh, it's apparently "that" age I guess. My daughter is turning 7 this month, and we've just started having MAJOR attitude issues with her....but i know it stems from me and my hubby being home during the day with her little sister while she's at school. (i'm a sahm, and hubby works nights/weekends).
    I'm definitely going to keep watching this thread as i have no idea what i'm doing either!!!

  6. #6
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    DD is 10 and we are "battling" constantly.....it's really hard to know how to handle these situations...I am considering a parenting course run by the Health Unit.....It's the back talk and attitude.....I don't have any advice for you because I need some as well.....Some days, she is my "angel"....other days....I want to run away...and yes, tears have been shed. I am chalking alot up to puberty given her age....not looking forward to the next couple of years that's for sure.....We need a "pre-teen" girl support group...or lots of wine!!!!
    I am working alot lately so I don't know if that is contributing to the problems....it's hard to know what causes the "drama".....
    I hope it all works out for and if you come up with a suggestion or solution.....Let Me Know!!!!

  7. #7
    Senior Member 2girlsmom's Avatar
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    I have to say since the blow up the other night, she was very good last night. No problems getting her into the bath, or bed, no yelling screaming ect. I did remind her that she is now not bowling on Saturday and that it might affect her chances of getting into some tournaments coming up, that really made her think, she loves bowling and I have threatened to take it away before, but I am really going to do it this time and she knows it. I hope with a couple of days off this weekend she will be better. Maybe we can get out and do something just the two of us. It is very hard because DH works nights and I am alone with the girls everynight.
    Loving mom to DD '99 and DD '01
    Proud foster mom to #4 and counting




  8. #8
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
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    I know how hard it is to devote time one-on-one (we work off-setting shifts in this household as well). Maybe you can ask someone to watch the sibling(s) while you have some alone time with your 8-yr-old? She will really appreciate it.

  9. #9
    Senior Member 2girlsmom's Avatar
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    Well I have to say that the last week has been pretty good, only the occasional disagreements. I hope that the big one set everyone in the right path and we go along smoothly for a while. We are headed out of town just after halloween and then a couple of weekends later. The second time we will be staying in a hotel over night and she is really looking forward to that.
    Loving mom to DD '99 and DD '01
    Proud foster mom to #4 and counting




  10. #10
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
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    glad to hear things are going well again!!

  11. #11
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    2girls mom is the bowling/tournements stuff just a fun night out or a team thingy?

    my dd's prinipal made it clear to me taking her off hockey for her attitude is the worst possible thing to do that it would make the attitude worse (i know it sounds screwy but I trust him with my life)
    he told me to find other things that I can take so I took of all things her favorite lamp (it worked for a while) the reminder of rights verus priviiges also works.

    my dd has started this "new" thing of if she cant sleep neither can mommy so its been a fun week when one night she sleeps 12 hours and the next 6

  12. #12
    Senior Member 2girlsmom's Avatar
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    The bowling is a team event, they bowl each Saturday and go into tournaments and earn scholarship money, trophies ect. I really try not to take it away from her as she really enjoyes it. We have gone over the rights and priviliges thing so many times, she gets that part.

    Mine is going through the whole I can not sleep thing too, must be the change in the weather, she is fine if daddy is not home but when he is, she puts up a stink not to go to sleep. Not that she wants to be with us, she is content to play quietly in her room, or watch tv upstairs. Hope this passes quickly too.
    Loving mom to DD '99 and DD '01
    Proud foster mom to #4 and counting




  13. #13
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    I know its the change in weather one night its so f***ing hot and the next freezing I dont think anybody is exactly centered these days but in my home I only allow so much leeway and sometimes that backfires. Example my dd knows if she cant sleep its ok to go on her account on the pc watch tv etc she is choosing to keep me awake and make me suffer becasue if she cant do something she doesnt want anybody too.

    I would rethink the bowling thing though becasue its not just her who suffers from loosing it its her team too suffering. DD has been in toruble on hockey days and I just make it clear that after will no picinic and she doesnt get her usual Mc'Ds after as her punsihment.

    Today she got in toruble at school again and I am fed up and told her so I told her I no longer know what to do and that Im sick of it, I told her she is to only leave her room to pee and thats it I will serve her meals in there and she can stay there she took it pretty well other than a few tears of "im sorry" which I told her that Im sorry but I dont belive you becasue you say that everytime and never change. I think her seeing my frustration and the fact I didnt even get mad this round made it really sink in that Im tired and sick of it.
    I told her that got her way and she can do what ever she wants and she will be the sole person to suffer the consequences. I told her that I will not ask her to do anything or for anything that everything will now on be my way and my way only (she doesnt like my way of doing things) simply put my goal is to stop the fighting me, I hope when she sees (again) that Im 100% serious and that hey becasue my mom is asking me for stuff and doing it all I get zero extra time with her it will kick in but this round its up to her to see it and not have me point it out.

    I also told her EA's that Im sorry we have given enough leeway due to weather and circumstances (missing the absuive sperm donor) but enough is enough and she is try to take advantage of it we are all going to clamp down hard on her with ZERO extras that she so loves.

    I know at least with my kid talking to her about exactly how her behaviors out of my sight and in my sight effect me bother her becasue she hates the idea of hurting me so I do make it worse than it seems to her and i will turn on the tears to do it. I know she is only 7 but I also know that right now with how self aware and smart my kid she is choosing to do the wrong things and she is choosing to try to get away with it

  14. #14
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    It is definitely the age! I remember telling my mom I hated her when I was around 8 or 9 a lot...now i apologize to her constantly since I know how I made her feel! She always used to say, "I hope when you grow up you get a child that is just like you", and I did...boy, did I ever!!

    I think remaining calm is very important. If (s)he yells, and you yell back, (s)he is just going to yell even louder...but you will never hear each other that way no matter how loud you yell.
    Please always show kindness in your posts as the person receiving it may need it more than you will ever know.

    SAHM to two boys, 13 and 7.

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    I just had to remind my daughter that everything she does, I will find out. And she's been testing limits with the babysitter. I don't appreciate it, and she's been told as such. What makes them think they can be one way in front of you, and that it's ok to try to get away with it with someone else? I said too bad, so sad, she's going to get in trouble for it whether I witness it or hear about it. Grrrr...

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