School Anxieties

[Liisa]

My 8 y/o doesn't seem to be doing so well in school this year. We are getting notes from the teacher that he's not concentrating on his work, he's complaining that he hates school and today he refused to go complaining of sore legs and a stomach ache. Once I let him stay home, the sore legs and tummy problems vanished, so I'm pretty sure it's anxiety. We've talked about bullying, and that doesn't seem to be a problem, and I've spoken to his teacher and she says he's just daydreaming a lot during class. He's a smart boy - I know he can do the work. We did have some similar issues last year, but we just moved here half-way thru the year so I put it up to adjustment issues. But with returning to the same school, same friends, I wasn't expecting it to continue. Any thoughts??

Anyone know a good child psychologist? Not that I can afford that!

[amyunicorn]

Talk to your family physician, if you need to take him to a child psychologist, maybe you can get it covered through a referral. I don't really know what to suggest, because I haven't had this issue. I hope you can find what your son needs in order to enjoy school again.

[mum_of_four]

Is it possible that he's bored? Maybe he needs some more challenging work to regain his interest?

[amyunicorn]

I read somewhere not to call it "bored" but to call it... frustrated? with the speed or pace of the work? Bored makes it sound like it's the teacher's fault.

Oh! I got it here, on Ask Moxie: http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2007....html#comments

In the comments, "hedra" says: "Most (teachers) don't know that frustration with the pace (NEVER EVER SAY BOREDOM!) and depth of the materials causes huge behavior problems, or if they've been told they forgot or don't beleive it. Oh, and reiterating the boredom issue - the class is never BORING (no matter how that expresses) - the underlying issue is frustration. Boredom, like anger (and hate), is a secondary feeling, which follows a primary one, usually fear, loneliness, embarassment, confusion, or so forth. Feeling frustrated by the pace or depth of materials, that is something that can be solved by the teacher, and gives the impression that she can create joy for the child with a few small changes. Feeling bored is just insulting to the teacher, and tends to create resistance to trying to resolve the problem (the 'yeah, well bite me' reaction). But get them clear on the issue being level, depth, pace, and they have a box to put it in."

[Jasmin]

What about talking to his teacher and arrange it so he can go and talk to the School Support Counselor/Social Worker. Especially if you make it clear he is having some anxiety issues that are affecting his ability to concentrate in school already. He may be having some problems and he needs someone he can go to confidentially and feel safe talking about it with. If he is being bullied or threatened in anyway (hope not) he may not be comfortable discussing it at home. The girls in the schools tend to really open up to the SSC/SW and some boys too. It's just a suggestion. Hope it all works out soon for you both.

[Liisa]

Me again. It's exactly one week to the day of my OP and here we go again! Yesterday, ds came home with a note in his agenda stating he had shown "poor use of time" in class. He didn't have a huge amount of homework, though, and completed it without too much trouble (that's not to say he didn't stall and whine and complain about doing it!). But this morning he was complaining about the stomach ache and leg pain and wouldn't go to school.

I have an appointment with his ped for Friday, and will call the school in a few mins. to let them know what's going on and ask about the school councellor.

Personally, I don't think it's bullying. When I asked him about that issue, he was quick to say there are a few 'mean' kids who push and knock down backpacks in the hall, but he says they do it to everyone. He's a sensitive kid, and I think these 'mean' kids are just rough and careless and not singling him out.

As for the issue of being 'bored' in class, he has said this. But the teacher says he is often distracted and not completing his work. If he can't complete the work assigned, how can she give him more challenging stuff??

I am also putting my lo in a preschool class next month so I can go to the school and try to see for myself what is going on.