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Tanya-Mae · 03-05-2010, 04:07 PM

I'm not allowed to call his residence... his gf made that extremely clear and he has never stood up to counter that.. even when I make a direct reference to this fact... giving him the opportunity to correct this. He is supporting it with his silence. The only method of communication is email. We actually agreed that this would be our method years ago... long before issues with the gf. He is constantly reminded that he has free access to all methods of communication to contact us so the whole no pc excuse does not hold any strength what-so-ever with me... despite him trying to use it in the past. I just can't continue like this... way too much on my plate right now and I don't know how to get a grip on it all anymore!!!!!

Tanya-Mae · 03-08-2010, 12:06 PM

Well.. all hell is about to break loose (again). I just finished sending him an email. I told him that I cannot wait any longer. I have people waiting to hear back from me with regards to planning.. this is not fair to them, the kids, or me. It has already cost me SS@H funding (March Break funding) and I will not allow it to cost me anything else. The children will be staying in Kitchener. I told him he was more than welcome to come see the kids whenever he wishes in Kitchener. I also reminded him about Daegan's hockey games and Sick Kids apointments (things he had already been notified of... but I expect he forgot). I also explained that Taylor's personal trainer had been on stand-by, wondering if we needed to reschedule her weekly sessions. Today was the deadline to cancel. She has training Tuesday and Thursday evening... this will go on as orginially scheduled months ago. I ended this topic by re-iterating that he was more than welcome to see the kids but it will be in Kitchener.

The message ended off with the typical updates pertaining to the the children (endocrinology appointment scheduled July 6th, and that Daegan started his 1st trial of ADHD meds this weekend) and suggestions to when the kids are available over the summer for a visit with a reminder that I need to be notified ASAP when he gets his time booked so that the children are not double-booked or miss-out on anything.

He will not be happy!!!!!

Tanya-Mae · 03-11-2010, 10:44 AM

Well just as expected.. he is exploding and verbally lashing out at me again via email! Same ol' crap, new visitation. How the hell do I get myself out of this cycle? The only way I see him coming around is if I play dorrmat and alllow him anything and everything he wants on his own terms... not going to happen.

I do not think it is unreasonable to be told where and with whom the children will be staying and have the ability to contact that residence if needed. I also do not think it is unreasonable to expect an apology when I have been wronged, and to establish roles each that each of the adults play... parenting is the responsibility of the parents, and any communication regarding the children should remain between the parents... the gf has zero involvedment in that. Yes, she can stipulate household rules because this is her home, but that is it!

Please tell me.. am I being unreasonable here?

Stepher · 03-11-2010, 11:01 AM

The verbal lahings should stop and so should not knowing where when and how visits will happen. Unless you can prove the ppl your ex hangs out with are dangerous the who really is his choice, I believe you can stipulate that he always be present tho. I'm sure youd rather another solution but it seems to me you should get a court order regarding visits with specific dates etc and then do exchanges through someone else. Sad but it might reduce the stress on you and then he can no longer blame you for any of it.

As for the gf, while I am the gf and I think its a whole nother thread. The role the gf plays should depend on the relationship her and your ex have + the relationship you and your ex have + how your kids and dad and the gf relate, its a whole ton of variables. And frustrating from every side I'm sure.

Tanya-Mae · 03-13-2010, 10:59 PM

Well to make a long story short.. The kids will be seeing their dad.

I offered sending the kids up for the whole week provided I knew where and whom they would be staying and had access to contact that residence. I asked that we get working on resolving the other issues.

His response... kids will be staying with him at his mothers.. because that is the only way he can see them (so he says). He initially stated Saturday, 2pm to Thursday, 2pm visit. I said he had the option of meeting us at Daegan's game on Saturday (Brampton) or we meet at the usual spot (Port Severn) when I could get there after the game... this quickly changed his pick-up date to Sunday at 2pm. I told him I'd make sure he had all the info he needed for Daegan's 10:30am Thursady Sick Kicks appointment and I would meet him at the hospital at 2pm.... this quickly changed to a Wednsday return.. because he did not want Daegan to miss his dr appointment. Yeah, I know!

This whole ordeal was just so predictable... full of the verbal lashing and fault throwing. Now I just hope he gives Daegan his meds (one week into his 1st trial of ADHD meds). I then have the whole “de-programming“ to do when the kids return....but at least I don't have to go through this all that often right.. next visit most likely won't be until summer holidays.