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  1. #1
    Senior Member momof3cuteboys's Avatar
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    Default Does ex need to inform you ?

    Is your ex supposed to inform you if he moves ? And if your child tells you that theres no bedroom for him there, that he either sleeps on the couch or in his dad's gf's bed with him and his dad's gf sleeps on the floor or couch ? Is there anything I can do in regards to him moving so much ? In the last 4yrs his dad has moved 5 times, each time he gets a gf he ends up moving in with her and her parents (somehow his gf's he gets are still living at home), and then once they split he moves back in with his mom, then gets his own place for a lil bit then gets another gf moves in with her, just goes on and on. Like this is not good for a child.






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    Isnt there some sort of law/guideline that says that the father/parent is supposed to have adequate sleeping conditions for the child???
    As a child of divorce myself, I thought there was?
    Either way... I def. would be creating a stink about all that!!!! If need be, maybe he should not be allowed to have the child alone at his “place“ until he gets his crap in order?
    A friend of mine's ex has to have visitation with their little girl at his parents house ONLY. When he picks her up, he has to spend the weekend at his parents.
    If I were you, I would be looking into your child's rights... I think it is TOTALLY unhealthy to be sleeping with his dad in THEIR bed while she sleeps on the floor! Weird!!

  3. #3
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    I don't think the frequent moving is that horrible (lol but I'm biased) but I do think you're right some consistency should be in order, as well as the child should have their own bed, and feel well....welcomed, as in prepared for and expected and thought of.Having too few beds so someone is stuck on the floor is not really preplanned eh.

    I'd look into getting his visitation either to be not overnights, or somewhere consistent like his mom's or someone's.
    Also I'd be worried more about the people coming into and out of his life, ie the gf's, than I would the location of the visits. How welll can he know these people if he's changing them so often? How well do you know the groups of friends that probably go along with the new gf's and life?
    Not to mention kids get attachd easily. I remember some rough times as a kid, when an older sibling would break up with someone and suddenly they were just gone from our life. No more football in the backyard, or watching tv together, or their face at the dinner table night after night. Just, gone.
    It was tough, sure you survive, no big deal...but it's hard at the time.
    Can't imagine it's any easier when it's your dad's gf's!

    Perhaps he'd be less likely to get them so involved with every gf if the visits happend at gramma's or someplace.Maybe gramma would even be willing to say no, gf is not staying the weekends that you have visits - she can visit, but she's not here 24/7. It's about bonding with your kid those times. Not with your gf.
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    Nope unless you have a clause in your order he does not have to tell you if he moves or his address

    as for sleeping arrangements nope he is not breaking any laws or rules

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    Senior Member momof3cuteboys's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sittingpretty View Post
    Nope unless you have a clause in your order he does not have to tell you if he moves or his address

    as for sleeping arrangements nope he is not breaking any laws or rules
    Even when the ex moves from his own place where he had a bedroom for DS, to move in with his gf' and her parents where he doesnt have a bed or bedroom for the child ? And it's not he can't afford the place he had either, he's on ODSP and I'm bettin that he's not gonna inform them that he's moved or that he's got a gf and living with her parents either.
    He's never had the childs best interest in mind, it's always to make sure he's gettin a peice or that he doesn't have to pay so much for rent and grocerys, this is the 2nd gf's parents place he's moved into. Does stop and think that oh I have my own place, with a bdrm for my kid lets stay here and not move somewhere where he won't have one.






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    Quote Originally Posted by momof3cuteboys View Post
    Even when the ex moves from his own place where he had a bedroom for DS, to move in with his gf' and her parents where he doesnt have a bed or bedroom for the child ? And it's not he can't afford the place he had either, he's on ODSP and I'm bettin that he's not gonna inform them that he's moved or that he's got a gf and living with her parents either.
    He's never had the childs best interest in mind, it's always to make sure he's gettin a peice or that he doesn't have to pay so much for rent and grocerys, this is the 2nd gf's parents place he's moved into. Does stop and think that oh I have my own place, with a bdrm for my kid lets stay here and not move somewhere where he won't have one.
    heck my ex had a clause not to share a bed with my kid and the courts still did nothing when he did, your not allowed to use him being on ODSP against him.

    I know it sucks but the courts really dont care

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    Since it is only visitation, he does not have to provide a room for your child. If he lived with him for a summer, then yes he would.

    He has to provide you with an address, as you don't know where your child is if he doesn't tell you. And you are allowed to know where your child is staying.

    He does not have to tell you who his gf or friends are and you cannot stop him from taking your child around these people, unless you have proof that they are doing criminal things around your child.

    The system sucks, believe me I know. My ex takes my kids around very shady characters, drug dealers even, and I can't stop it, I have tried. He even took my son on a drug run, and my son told CAS this, but cause my ex says it was a bag of cat nip, they believe him.

    As for changing the gf's, you can't do much about it, my ex has have 5 gf's in 3 years, and my DD gets so upset after she gets attached, breaks my heart, but he don't care.

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    Unfortunately there is nothing you can do. Yep, it sucks for sure but your ex hasnt done anything wrong (in the eyes of the law or the courts)

    If you REALLY dont like what is going on, file with the courts and have a claus put in whatever agreement you may have now. If you dont have one, I would suggest getting one.

    My ex was doing some shady things - I hauled his arse to court and he was assigned supervised visits. (this was 3 or 4 years ago) ......

    If you have any further questions PM me.....been on both sides of the fence here.....

    Its heart breaking when you know there are things going on that you cant control. As parents all we can do is reassure them things are okay, dont pressure them for information and just show them they have a safe home with you. Good luck, its hard, esp. when the kids are young. *Hugs*

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    We went through this with DH's ex. She was living in a one bedroom apartment with both boys with just one bed. Our lawyers words were “Being poor doesn't make you a bad parent“.

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    Senior Member momof3cuteboys's Avatar
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    Should I contact ODSP and see if they are informed of all his change's ?






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    Quote Originally Posted by momof3cuteboys View Post
    Should I contact ODSP and see if they are informed of all his change's ?

    sure you can. But really what does that accomplish?

  12. #12
    Senior Member momof3cuteboys's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leigh View Post
    sure you can. But really what does that accomplish?
    Well in all honesty because he had a stupid Dr note sayin he couldn't work and went on OW, his Dr note said he couldnt work due to back problems - well his back musta hurt bad enough that rides dirt bikes and quads at his brothers all the time, and tractors at his gf's parents place, if my back hurt as bad as his that I couldnt work I sure the hell wouldn't be doing that stuff. So he's been able to get away with coning them and then was able to get ODSP, but like others tell me tho back probs is one of the things ppl go for for tryin to get on there, cuz its the hardest thing to prove that if you do or dont have it.
    And all thru court he got his way most the time cuz my lawyer was an idiot and wouldnt fight for what I wanted, but I was on legal aid then and really didn't have another choice for a lawyer.
    Im just fed up with him gettin his way, when he friggin cons ppl, lives off of ppl, only looks out for himself.
    I am almost certain that I could get it that he had to take a compensy (sp?) test that he would very much fail.






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    as much as I think that the inconsistency in this situation certainly isn't ideal for the child - I don't see the bed issue... as really an issue. Sure it would be better for him to have his own bed - but like Kaisa's lawyer said - being poor doesn't make you a bad parent.

    To me it says something that this GF is willing to sleep on the floor so that your child can have a bed - at least they're not making him sleep on the floor.

    There are lots of people who choose to co-sleep, where the child is sleeping in their bed with them - they're not bad parents yk?
    and I'm not sure what your ex's visitation is, but it can be really expensive to buy/rent a house with an additional bedroom that is only used every once in a while yk?

    It certainly sounds like there are more issues with this guy though, and he needs to make his child priority that's for sure, and not drag him along as an accessory to his life.

    I just don't see the moving a lot and bed sharing as major issues.



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    Ditto foxi. I remember my dad having a one bedroom place and my brother and I going to see him. Air mattress and couch, no biggie. The in and out women I would be more concerned about.
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    what is ODSP gonna do? you don't know he is not being honest about his moves etc all him getting cut off is gonna do is hurt your kids when they are there.


    I am not siding with ur ex at all but it does sound like you are looking at every little thing and nitpicking it I think you need to step and remember that your kid is not starving, they have a roof when there and they are not being beaten becasue in the end the courts will not change anything based on what you have here

    oh and just a note no he does not have to give you an address my ex moved in the middle of court proceedings I still had to send my kid as my lawyer said once they are in the other parents hands what happens is that parents buisness not mine and that anything I find out from my kid is great but my ex had NO responsibility to tell me squat unless it was in the order to do so

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