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  1. #1
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    Unhappy 6 year old says she hates herself

    My 6 yr old has been on an emotional rollercoaster lately. She is quick to anger and has been striking out emotionally a lot at her sister, and at both her dad and I. We go through this every once in a while and it often corresponds to a development shift that she is going through.

    Today she said she hated herself and it broke my heart When I probed further she said she didn't know why, she just did. At this point she had just been angry with all of us but then turned the anger on herself. Tonight I came home to put her to bed to talk to her while she was calm and I asked her about what she said. She said she still didn't like herself but she didn't know why.

    Help me understand what is going on with her. I don't want to make a big deal out of this for her, but I also don't want to dismiss such a huge thing. Generally she is a very happy girl and both DH and I agree that her everyday behaviour doesn't indicate self-hatred.

    Has anyone else gone through this?
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  2. #2
    Moderator The Ultimate London Mom!
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    ((hugs)) I don't have any advice I haven't gone through that. Hopefully someone here can shed some light!
    Your life is a result of the choices you make, if you don't like your life it's time to start making better choices.

  3. #3
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    Sounds to me like something is bothering her & she's not ready to talk yet. Is she having troubles with friends at school?
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  4. #4
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    She is homeschooled. She has been having problems with her sister and today she was upset after her friend left because she said they didn't get to do enough of what she wanted.
    Mom of 2 girls, unschooler, feminist, runner and just general lover of life.

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  5. #5
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    Gosh, it is nice to hear someone else is in my shoes. Let's chalk it up to being 6. Mine gets soooo moody and miserable. Happy and hyper one minute and the next complaining about everything Sorry i can't help..you aren't alone though...I really think its just a stage of a developing self identity.
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    Quote Originally Posted by casevc5 View Post
    Gosh, it is nice to hear someone else is in my shoes. Let's chalk it up to being 6. Mine gets soooo moody and miserable. Happy and hyper one minute and the next complaining about everything Sorry i can't help..you aren't alone though...I really think its just a stage of a developing self identity.
    Really? Has your 6yr old said this? Because that would be a relief to me. My instinct is telling me it is developmental and to just listen to her and not try to change how she feels, but I also don't want to ignore it if it is something bigger.
    Mom of 2 girls, unschooler, feminist, runner and just general lover of life.

    Need a doula or prenatal classes? www.babeezeinarms.com

    "Me thinks that the moment my legs began to move, my thoughts began to flow."
    - Henry David Thoreau

    "
    Children are not our own art products to be turned out well, but their own life work in continual process. -Jan Fortune Wood"

  7. #7
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    Hmm I don't know. I think they can go thru this kind of stuff, and it's really distressing for parents. If it were me I would keep comforting her when she brings it up, kinda watching and seeing, and see if she needs to talk about it...

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    She goes through stages. One day she hates her curly hair and wants it straight and then thinks she loves it just the way it is. She has commented that her friends are prettier than she is and is becoming very interested in the way that she looks which breaks my heart. My mother assures me this is a stage so let's touch base when they are 7 or 8 lol.
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  9. #9
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    I haven't been through it, but my first thoughts were either she is being picked on by someone, or she has done something she feels guilty about. Possibility of either?

  10. #10
    Zoo
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    oh man. I wish I had advice. My dd is a hormonal maniac, worse than PMS Zoo sometimes, for real. I'll be watching this thread.

  11. #11
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    how old Zoo?
    Vanessa Case RHN
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    Any comments made on this forum are expressed as a personal opinion and comment. A full professional assessment is necessary to make proper recommendations specific to YOUR needs.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Lauren's mom's Avatar
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    Is she jealous of her sister? Did her sister get more attention recently and she did not? Man, why do girls have to be so emotional? I'm starting to see it with my 3.5 yr old.

  13. #13
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    The other kid I know who says he hates himself periodically is a boy, fwiw. I think sometimes they go thru that.

  14. #14
    Zoo
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    Quote Originally Posted by casevc5 View Post
    how old Zoo?
    sorry, 6, same as doulamom's dd.

  15. #15
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    Default This only applies to my wonky view of the world.

    Sounds like you have an Amiable.

    Sure they are all slow paced feeling based people who like to get along with everyone, but they have one crappy character flaw that they have to get over. That being what I refer to as stamps.

    Now, these Amiable types are good at keeping score. Typically they don't get mad... they get even. They collect stamps in their mental/emotional notebook for all of eternity. For things that happen, for events in their lives, for wrongs and rights done to them by others and the universe. For every event there is a stamp placed into that area.

    Now, the flaw part is that whenever they put a little stamp for somebody else, they also place a stamp for themselves. Which you can imagine is a lot of them. The rough part about this is when there is some event that an amiable personality type can't deal with, and that is they unload all of their stamps faster then they can control.

    The worst part is all of those stamps that they gave themselves also comes out too. Sometimes without realization... mostly because they don't know that they exist... a lot of this happens on the sub-conscious level.

    For you amiables reading this... you might understand this... for the rest if you... it is not going to make any sense... as that is not the way you do things.


    I don't know the situation... I don't know the child... I do know the self punishment when things get stressful. Again, only offered as a big winded theory... and no hard and fast facts are involved in this post at all. There is more to this theory... but that might explain the desire to target the self.

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