Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 16
  1. #1
    Junior Member Maisie's mum's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    NE London
    Posts
    720
    Rep Power
    54

    Default Adultery & Polygamy

    I watch Big Love.....and I just watched Primetime about Polygamy.....and this got DH and I talking. For me I couldn't care less if someone wants to be in a polygamist relationship neither does DH...... IMO the book of mormon does not condone Ploygamy at all so I think it's a load of crap when polygamist use their "doctrine" as a reason to have many wives.......It's a way of life that (most) of them grew up in..... thats why they do it....anyhow going off the topic I wanted to focus on lol...... Why is it against the law for men to "marry" many woman and have loads of children and support them but it's not against the law for someones husband to go around having affairs (and possibley children) with other woman and not supporting them????

  2. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Here, not getting work done
    Posts
    665
    Rep Power
    52

    Default

    I think it is much worse to commit adultery - the lies and hurt involved. At least polygomy is consensual. I do have a problem however with the polygomy situations involving young girls, who I do not feel should be involved in a situation like that, no matter how much they think it is what they want.
    Barbi, mommy to
    Jack and Seth

  3. #3
    Expert Forum User
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    North East
    Posts
    3,029
    Rep Power
    146

    Default

    Is it really always consentual or are these women pressured into doing what they are supposed to do? I don't know... but I find it diffcult to understand why a woman would choose that option. However, people do lots of things I don't understand!

  4. #4
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    12,503
    Rep Power
    525

    Default

    It may not be illegal to commit adultery, but it is definately grounds for divorce, and chances are custody will not be in the adulterer's favour if there are children.

    I think polygamy is illegal because our system (societal, legal) is based upon christianity. I don't enjoy the thought of polygamy, but I have never been exposed to it/been a part of it and I have a very narrow view of it (my own). Part of my mind says, wait, isn't polygamy basically a form of what "we" consider adultery, whether it's consensual or not (most affairs are between two consenting adults); a man sleeping with a bunch of women?

    Honestly, I'm not trying to say that in a bad way, trying to make a parallel between the two (and therefore reinforcing the original question). But as you know, nothing in our society is cut & dry, or necessarily fair - look how far we've come to broaden that narrow-christianity-minded view of marraige to include gays and lesbians, as it should be (but wow what a struggle!). I would guess even in polygamy there are hurt feelings (isn't there a struggle between who gets to be "first wife" or the "favoured wife" sometimes... I heard or read somewhere so I could be wrong).

  5. #5
    Expert Forum User Siana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    At a computer :p
    Posts
    3,536
    Rep Power
    169

    Default

    A friend of a friend has several partners, and all of them know about each other, and they are all comfortable with the set-up. It just works for them, and I can respect that. Affairs involve deceit -- that I can't stand.

    I was thinking the other day that just about all female mammals mate with multiple partners to conceive. It's interesting that some human male sperm are genetically programmed to only attack sperm of competing males. It seems from this that inherently sex with multiple partners is normal for our species (taboo is our society, but I'm unsure how this works in human cultures in general). I'm definitely interested in finding out more anthropological perspectives on this subject.
    Last edited by Siana; 08-16-2007 at 09:08 AM.
    Mama to two
    Etsy store: Merry Medley

  6. #6
    Expert Forum User
    momx2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    4,359
    Rep Power
    247

    Default

    The animal aspect is a very interesting way to look at things, and I think a important view. In the animal kindom, often times there are an alpha male, this male gets to procreate with the many females hence insuring his offspring. Survival of the fitest. I could see this instinct in human behaviour aswell. Maybe men are driven sexually because of this, perhaps why they think of sex every so many minutes (or seconds...whatever it is ...lol)

    Back to polygamy. Really, if i'ts not hurting anyone else why make such a big stink? I don't think the women raised in this environment should have to follow the footsteps of their mothers. They should beable to make their own decision. Having been raised there though, may want them to have that kind of relationship. Maybe they turn to the other mothersfor guidance and support and like having it available by many different places. A "sisterhood".

    We already have something like this I think in our seociety, I think. Look at all the people who are remarried, there's alot of step brothers and sisters. They all make a family too. There seems to be a lot of men who have children from more than one person, and they are married to no one. That's the same thing, if not less responsible than the other....and as far as I know legal. If polygammy was legal though, I wonder what would happen with their insurance?

    I also think there are more people than we probably know of who have "open" relationships, were they sleep with other people. It works fine for them, and legal. So it's just illegal if you are married, or is adultry even illegal and it's just a reason for divorce? What right does the government have to make something like that illegal? It all comes down to the religious aspect of our laws, which is little behind today, where we can adapt any religion we want.... or not have any at all.

    Personally though, polygamy would not be my thing. I like to try to live a pretty relaxed, stress-free life. I don't think having other wives to ***** to/about would fit in....lol I'm also have to admit that I've always been a little jealous, and my personality would not be good in a situation like that. I like to have my stud all to myself !!!

  7. #7
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    12,503
    Rep Power
    525

    Default

    I think it would be the jealousy factor that many of us would have to get over. But maybe being raised in a polygamist upbringing, this wouldn't even be an issue.

    Have you ever noticed how segregated a society we all live in? I think we live more apart than ever. Why do you think there is a need for so many support centers (for pregnancy, childbirth, parenting). What happened to the "Takes a village to raise a child"? We sit (no offense), in front of a computer screen, desperately reaching out to each other. And how many posts start off with something to the lines of "Am I the only one that feels this way?" and the responses are "NO! You're not alone! I feel that way too!" but we just never know it, because we are shut away behind our own doors and behind our own barriers.

    Where's the pride in suffering in silence? I agree with the wholistic "approach" to a polygamist ideal, in the sense that having that many women sharing the responsibilities of child-rearing and housekeeping would be amazing. It's the jealous streak in "My man is MY man" that would get in the way.

    No, I think I mentioned that adultery is not illegal; it's not punishable by law. But it is used for grounds for immediate divorce. It's a crime against marraige, not "law".

  8. #8
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom! mamabear's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    15,629
    Rep Power
    654

    Default

    For the record, it is illegal for a man to go around having sex and then not paying for the children that he produces. He legally has to pay child support for his offspring.

    I think the concern about polygamy is how it is so often practiced. Girls are married off to old men at a very young age, and leaving or refusing to enter into a polygamist marriage would mean being completely rejected by pretty much everyone they've ever met. It's understandable that the government would not want to condone this by legalizing polygamy.

    Obviously this isn't always the case, but in our culture this is pretty much the only contact we have with polygamy. And, realistically, how often do you think it happens the way it did in Big Love?

    I agree with the wholistic "approach" to a polygamist ideal, in the sense that having that many women sharing the responsibilities of child-rearing and housekeeping would be amazing. It's the jealous streak in "My man is MY man" that would get in the way.
    I disagree with this. Wouldn't it be nice if many mothers could work together and share the responsibilities of housekeeping and child-rearing? Of course. It's sad that this is something that is so lacking in our society. However, why not live with your sister or your best friend or your cousin and her children? What about your mother, or your aunt? There are far more practical ways to accomplish a more communal lifestyle than having one man married to many women. I also don't think the reason this doesn't exist in our culture is jealousy or selfishness as you implied. I think it's seriously impractical for a person to have more than one spouse in our society financially and time-wise.

    I was thinking the other day that just about all female mammals mate with multiple partners to conceive. It's interesting that some human male sperm are genetically programmed to only attack sperm of competing males. It seems from this that inherently sex with multiple partners is normal for our species (taboo is our society, but I'm unsure how this works in human cultures in general). I'm definitely interested in finding out more anthropological perspectives on this subject.
    This is also interesting because most of the time polygamy involves a man having multiple wives, not a woman having multiple husbands.

  9. #9
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Beautiful Collingwood
    Posts
    15,422
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mamabear View Post
    However, why not live with your sister or your best friend or your cousin and her children? What about your mother, or your aunt?
    That would only work if you have those things in your life. My mum lives with my dad, and frankly I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than live with them again, and the rest of the things you list...I just don't have in my life. But yes, it would be fantastic to share the burden!

  10. #10
    Expert Forum User
    momx2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    4,359
    Rep Power
    247

    Default

    I it's a nice idea, a community of women raising children. I often think that this is how it must have been for Indian tribe....s or any tribes. The men go off to hunt while all the women and children were together all day.

  11. #11
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
    AuntPetunia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    #4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey
    Posts
    28,007
    Rep Power
    2378

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by momx2 View Post
    I it's a nice idea, a community of women raising children. I often think that this is how it must have been for Indian tribe....s or any tribes. The men go off to hunt while all the women and children were together all day.

    Reminds me of the book The Red Tent! Or Charles Manson's 'family' depending on how you look at it...

    I agree, this kind of lifestyle would be very cool and supportive. But I totally agree with the jealousy getting in the way! I'd rather be on my own with my husband than share him with a bunch of women who would be helping me out. JMO.
    I know a lot of couples have open relationships or swing and stuff, but realistically - do you think the majority of them are in happy, successful relationships that will last a lifetime? I'm going to guess that very few of them will see old age together.

    Anyway, all that being said - I see the hypocrisy of what you're saying Maisie's Mom. Maybe the government should just get out of people's beds for good. Just allow marriage of whatever kind - as long as both parties are 1. human 2. of legal age 3. okay with it.

  12. #12
    Expert Forum User

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    heading home and soon!
    Posts
    4,931
    Rep Power
    259

    Default

    I say to each their own.. and I just have to say... I love the show Big Love!!!!
    ~ Annie ~
    Mom to 4 (B24, G23, G19, G9)

    My Blog: It's just my life...
    Follow me on Twitter: @anniecannie

  13. #13
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    301
    Rep Power
    41

    Default

    Thanks Turtle! I was just about to recommend The Red Tent as a fantastic read in line with this topic.

  14. #14
    Expert Forum User
    momx2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    4,359
    Rep Power
    247

    Default

    off topic: I'm always looking for books to read and I add this boo,k "the red tent", to my list ...thankyou

  15. #15
    csl2063
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by momx2 View Post
    I it's a nice idea, a community of women raising children. I often think that this is how it must have been for Indian tribe....s or any tribes. The men go off to hunt while all the women and children were together all day.
    That's how elephants live. Aunts, grandmothers and friends all 'babysit', and the fathers live alone, separate from the herd. In mammals, as pp said, polygamy is the norm, with males often having many females. In order to get the strongest genes for their offspring, though, in some species the female will have sex with as many males as possible, when the 'alpha' male is out of the way!

    Interestingly, many species of bird mate for life and won't take another mate even if their first is killed. Just an observation

    I don't think it's possible to determine what the 'natural' way for humans is. Our evolution has been influenced by too many years of 'civilization'.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •