circumcising a 3 year old

[Thistle]

I posted this anon, but it's not showing up, so whatever, bring on the criticism

DS's father wants him circumcised. He always has since he was born. I've been against it from the beginning. He keeps bringing it up though. I mean, I would've thought that after almost 4 years, he would stop asking. Do doctors even do that to kids his age???

I don't know what I want out of posting this. I guess just to hear that I'm right? That it's not needed, and there's no good reason to do it, especially at this point.

His dad says he's at higher risk of infections/STD's if he's not circumcised, which is either not true or inconclusive from what I've read.
His dad also wants DS to be like him, who is circumcised. He says to me "who's going to teach him how to clean it?" I guess he just thinks that if he's different from him he won't know how to talk to him about it. But, IMO, that is no reason to do it.
He also thinks that DS will be different from his friends, although as far as I know, most boys in Canada are not being circumcised these days.
And he thinks he needs to be circed for religious reasons--which make absolutely no sense to me.

I've tried so many times to talk to him about this, to show him my reasons, etc. But he is stubborn and doesn't appear to be changing his mind at all.

What do I do?

[Tan5kids]

HAve him watch one of the you tube videos of a circumcision.

I think that almost 4 is way too old to go through that now. I can't imagine the recovery feels very nice.

FTR my 3 boys are all circ'd.

[bacon]

At three you will remember the pain.

[HKmom2SK]

Um... I think that's BS.. regarding STD's and stuff...
DH is NOT circumsized and he's FINE...
just tell him they won't do it at this age unless there is a medical reason to do it.

[a_bun_in_the_oven]

If he's nearly 4 now, I'd wait and let your son decide when it's older.

[koolnurse5]

HAve him watch one of the you tube videos of a circumcision.

I think that almost 4 is way too old to go through that now. I can't imagine the recovery feels very nice.

FTR my 3 boys are all circ'd.

I agree, 4 is too old as it now becomes an actual surgery I believe. Bring him to your next appt with the doc and have your doc explain how it is done to a 4 year old, he may change his mind.
My uncle was done when he was 42 and it wasnt a good experience...............

[mamabear]

You are totally right! None of those are good enough reasons. If it ain't broke, why fix - err, dismantle? - it?

Take him to DS's next checkup and let the doc tell him that it's unnecessary, too late, and no longer standard? (Might want to prescreen the doc though - some of the older ones can be pretty old-fashioned from what I've read here.)

[Jodie]

just tell him they won't do it at this age unless there is a medical reason to do it.

This is what I was going to say.

[HKmom2SK]

and.. as far as religious reasons.. I believe (i'm not 100% on this) that it was Jewish people who started circumsions and that was their “offering“ to God... At one point some 30 or 40 years ago.. it became a FAD.. probably because someone saw a porn and the guy was cut.. ANYWAY.. Is your DS' dad jewish?

[my2babies]

I wouldn't think the STD part would apply if he used a condom. I have heard the link, not seriously looked into it because I have 2 girls and to not circ. is just a no brainer for me, I have talked to ppl who have been and who have not, and the ones that aren't say that is the most sensitive in a good way part of their man parts (none plan to get it removed, one said it would probably be like removing a womans cliotoris(sp?) that was obviously said by a man who doesn't have one, but still makes me think it must bring tons of pleasure.... I do know my husband is and he thinks it sucks his parents took that on themselves to take away that part of him. Not that he dwells on it, but if he could have the choice he wouldn't have had it done.

So yeah I think your right, and cleaning it, is not a big issue...I mean it hasn't been till now, why would it be tommorrow or the next day etc you know?? I have not heard one guy say I am not but I wish I was because man I hate to cleam myself...bunk argument on his part IMO. then there's the it could get infected, well a circ could also get botched, you take a risk either way, I am sure any man who isn't would take the risk of an infection then saying good bye to something that feels so good.

I could go on but I should stop. I would be livid if my husband took it on himself to insist our son be done. No way, if we have a son he can make that choice for himself as a man, sure it may hurt more but I would rather deal with that then a son wishing I hadn't had it done to him(betting my money that he wouldn't get it done anyway). My husband luckly it's also a no brainer for him, if we have a son no way would he let me get it done if I wanted to. I don't think an uncirc'd man can say it isn't a big deal to get it done when he has no way of knowing what it feels like to have his forskin. I would tell him to come up with some safe sex material and the importance of getting every partner tested for your son then thinking this is the answer to STI prevention.

[newmum2]

My immediate thought was 'wow, WAY TOO old'. I also think his Dad's reasons as to why do it seem bunk- I especially hate the 'want him to look like me and his friends' reasoning.

I don't know what a Dr. would suggest at that age either.

[JeWill]

I believe in circs, but for infants!
That are a lot more complications as they get older - for one they do it under general anesthetic. From what I have been told, it is a lot trickier, more painful and a whole lot more expensive! Like instead of a few hundred, over a thousand. For those reasons alone I am sure his dad can research and teach his son the best way to care for it

[Kaisa]

I agree that none of those are good reasons.
A higher chance of STDs? I am pretty sure STDs depend on your partner, not your foreskin.
I don't even know if a doctor would do it at age 4 “just because“.
I would just tell him that was s decision you made 4 years ago, and it's not going to be changed now. I just would refuse to talk about it.
And you are right, I think the statistic is that more boys aren't circ'd now.

[2boysmom]

I have to be honest here when I admit I had both of my sons circd. Had I known then what I know now about it, not so sure we would have had it done but what's done is done kwim?
In my first house, I lived across the road from a guy in his 30's and he had to have it done then for whatever reason and he said it was not a pleasant experience at all and came with many side effects and pain, etc.
If I were you, I'd leave him alone at this point in time. Something else to note as well and you likely already knew this (not sure your son's father does though?) it costs big bucks to have the procedure done now. My oldest son cost $200 (hospital would only allow us to claim $100 of that) and my youngest son (who was done outside of hospital at about 2 or 3 weeks of age) cost us $300. I'm not sure what it costs today?
I think since the 2 of you are not on board with eachother on this issue is another good reason to not go ahead with having the procedure done. JMO.

[Thistle]

HAve him watch one of the you tube videos of a circumcision.

I was thinking about this. I will try to show him one. I don't know if it will help. He was seen some pretty brutal things in his life, not sure if that would faze him. But I'll try.

At three you will remember the pain.

Yeah I think so too. But he disagrees with me--says he won't remember it at all.

My uncle was done when he was 42 and it wasnt a good experience...............

This is also part of his reasoning. He knows a guy who was circed later in life because of infection (or something?) and he doesn't want DS to have to deal with that “shame“ later on. So it's sort of a preventative measure for him...

and.. as far as religious reasons.. I believe (i'm not 100% on this) that it was Jewish people who started circumsions and that was their “offering“ to God... At one point some 30 or 40 years ago.. it became a FAD.. probably because someone saw a porn and the guy was cut.. ANYWAY.. Is your DS' dad jewish?

No, he's not Jewish. He thinks Jesus wants DS to be circumcised so he can go to Heaven.



He has a friend who is a doctor (of some sort)....which is who he's getting all this information from. And apparently since this “doctor“ is telling him that DS should be circumcised, he doesn't feel the need to listen to any other doctors....he's very picky about who he listens to.