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Mommymanda · 11-22-2009, 05:42 PM

I need tips on how others make it through the holiday seasons with one kid home and another away.

DDs father and I have the agreement that she is at one house from christmas eve until christmas day, than we swap every other year.

This year my family dinner is Christmas day, DD is at her dads...I am going to feel like crap going to the dinner with DS and not her....but if I keep DS home he misses out on the dinner because of her. I don't have the option of switching anything.

How do others manage?

rubyslippers · 11-22-2009, 07:09 PM

We run into this too. I have a daughter from my first marriage, my DH has three daughters from his first marriage and we have one son together. So it's complicated. So every other year we have the girls for Christmas eve/morning, and the opposite years we don't, so there's always things the girls miss out on, or something.

I always try to host something at my house at a time I'm going to have all the kids, brunch, dinner, something. Then even if they miss the big dinner, or Christmas morning or whatever, there's been a holiday family gathering that I've planned around them that included as many people as possible (extended family). Because if you host, you get to decide where and when!

princess2808 · 11-22-2009, 09:45 PM

No family dinners are planned while others are going on. I'm this child in the situation - my grandma would NEVER plan a christmas when we were at our dads.

Kaisa · 11-22-2009, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princess2808

No family dinners are planned while others are going on. I'm this child in the situation - my grandma would NEVER plan a christmas when we were at our dads.

That's what my family does too. We plan our Christmas dinner around our boys.
BUT, DH's mom's side always does their's on Christmas Eve, and we would always go without the boys (we get them in the morning). Now we don't talk to that side, so problem solved... lol.
I would still go without your DD, we've done holiday dinners without the boys, we just don't tell them. Works now, won't work so well when they are older!

sweetsteps · 11-22-2009, 10:10 PM

Same with ours...our holidays are planned for when we have DSS...family knows when we have him and know they can call if they forget.

Niki · 08-24-2010, 04:51 PM

Our holidays are messed up too, with my SO parents divorced his brother is divorced and has three kids with two moms and one of his kids has another dad. My ex and I too split up christmas and christmas eve everyother year and I make it clear to my family a few months in advanced when we will be avalible and if my parents have a big christmas diner on the day my kids aren't avalible I make it up to the kids by having dinner at my place for new years day, so that they see everyone over the holidays. I hear youthough it breaks my heart waking up christmas morning without the kids..... LOTS of wine gets me through holidays.... you are not alone in this

Stepher · 08-24-2010, 05:12 PM

Not really an option for us to not do things until SS is there. We have too many families and I don't think it would be fair for our other two not to open anything on the years SS isn't here till Christmas afternoon. This is the first year we'll actually get some sort of evenly divided Christms so I can't give you any BTDT advice. My family is doing a cottage for a weekend in Dec, so we'll plan that around the weekends we have SS. We have some gathering on Christmas eve and Boxing day that never change so he'll miss Christams eve this year and boxing day next. But our close family has just always found a time when we have him to come visit and our other LOs just get reminded that they opened gifts already

Tanya-Mae · 08-28-2010, 04:17 PM

My family never has any important function unless my kids are with me. We simply plan things around the visitation schedule.

DMC2008 · 08-28-2010, 04:56 PM

My girls father doesn't see them so that part is simple.

My Dh and his ex have it worked out that we have the girls every Christmas Eve and “she“ has them every Christmas Day. His side does dinner on the Eve and “hers“ does it on the day of, so it works out. The actual date on the calender doesn't matter to us - we do something extra special when we have them for holidays.