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  1. #1
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    Default What would you do?

    So dh has been playing poker at a friend's neighbour's house for a couple of years now and she has a 4 year old grandson that she has custody of (he calls her Mommy). We've now gotten together for some playdates and bbq's. Like half a dozen times or so. Not sure what the issues are but she has custody of her little guy because her daughter has some mental health issues and I *think* she (the daughter) is only allowed supervised visition with this little guy and a daughter she has. Not sure what's up with the little guy's dad, but he's not in the picture either.

    This lady doesn't talk to anyone in her family and the discussion came around to guardian and trustee for the kids. I was saying how hard it is to find someone, we have a large family but the only options were either dh's aunt/uncle who are in their 60's, his single (partying) cousin or my single, never had kids sister.

    Well as we're discussing this she says, well I just want to put it out there, I don't have anyone else and if something happens to me I'm afraid xx would end up in foster care.

    Ummm, holy crap, I don't even know her last name and she wants us to be trustees and guardians of her grandson should she pass away! Now her daughter could constest it but not sure how that would go. So, dh and I are stunned and don't know what to say, we're kind of just not saying anything right now but its a huge responsibility. Specially as she thinks he may be ADD or ADHD, he hasn't been diagnosed but she has him on the Finegold diet and it has made a big difference in his behaviour and well we hardly know them!! But on the flip side I hate to think of this little guy in foster care if something happened.

    So what would you do? Would you say yes, or no?
    Mommy to three adorable kids!

  2. #2
    Zoo
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    Wow. I'd say that you must be a very special person for her to ask you that. It's a tough decision though, for sure.

  3. #3
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    that is a hard question you both will have to think about but I agree you must be great parents that she feels you would be her choice of guardians.

  4. #4
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    I think I would feel honoured, and you should take the time to consider it, if it's something you would consider doing. What a wonderful thing if she wants to consider you for it!!

  5. #5
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    well i don't know that we're that great on the parenthood part, more like her only choice, but we are thinking about it, we were pretty stunned though.
    Mommy to three adorable kids!

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    Truthfully, I would be concerned about having the other members of this boy's family involved. Not only would you be including the child in your life, but potentially the mother of the child and other family members that could be less-than-savoury.

    My DH's two youngest nieces were in foster care (and are now being adopted together!) - I have only seen them once. We briefly considered taking them in, but when it came down to it his half-sister has mental health and addiction issues... and her current fiancee is a many times convicted violent pedophile. If we took in the kids, we were afraid that mom and boyfriend would come knocking if they found out where the girls were staying... and we just couldn't endanger our own girls that way.

    So for me, it would depend a lot on the actual circumstances of the child's family.

  7. #7
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    I would always seriously consider it if someone asked.
    Mommy to DS Jan '06, DD July '09, DS Feb '11, DD Dec '12
    Wife to my wonderful DH of 8 years
    http://handsbetterfull.blogspot.com/

  8. #8
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    Wow! Big decision! Keep in mind, the people you have chosen for guardians for your own kids are just expecting your kids....what would they think if another was added? Maybe check with a lawyer what the ramifications are if her asking was serious.
    ~Cheryl~
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    I would consider it, but definitely get a lot more information before actually saying yes.

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