Results 1 to 12 of 12
  1. #1
    Expert Forum User
    hockeymomof3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Sarnia
    Posts
    9,044
    Rep Power
    551

    Default has anyone else had to deal with this?

    I am a "step mom" of a almost 14 year old. I have been in his life for just over 2 years, and living with his step father for 18 months now. (yes complicated, my so's step son). We have eow visitations, and he lived with us for 3 months, while his older brother was in jail.

    Well d's mom sent me a facebook message yesterday, asking if us 3 could sit down with d. I said sure, what's up? She stated that he is doing drugs, drinking (which she consented) and smoking (also consented and boughten by her). We don't put up with that behaviour and have not had a problem at our place with it.
    She also said he is failing all his classes, his highest mark is 20% and now is stealing from her and not coming home till after 11pm!
    So she came over with d, and we told her about d stealing from us, which she knew about but said it was my children not hers. D said "wasn't me", so we turned on the video camera to show we caught him stealing $50 out of my so's dresser.
    He still had the nerve to say "wasn't me!"
    My so was livid, as we have evidence, he is stealing cigarettes from his mother, money and food. And now she wants my so to deal with it! Her older son just got out of jail for armed robbery at age 15, and she says d is acting out cause I moved in. It has been 18 months!
    She doesn't think it is cause she moved in her now 17 year olds pregnant girlfriend, in a 1 bedroom house, so now d is sharing a room with 2 17 year olds whom sleep together in d's bedroom! (all 3 are sharing one bedroom) this is not a healthy environment, she refuses for d to move in with us! (she just wants him for the support)
    I was quiet through the conversation, and d was too, other when his mom said "if his behavior continues, he won't be allowed at our place", d started crying.
    I said our place is the only time he can have his "own" space, he shares a room with my 12 year old.
    But he doesn't have to listen to his mom talk about his brother and the girlfriend, and the new baby, which she is trying to figure out where to fit a crib in the one bedroom. D is feeling his space close in on him!
    Yes he needs help, I suggested councilling, but she said no, that if he steals again, she is calling the police, she said this with the older one too, but never did. She had to take her purse in the shower with her, or he would rip her off! Right into the shower, not on the counter, cause he would pick the lock, and she didn't find anything wrong with this!

    How do I get through to her, that d needs help. And how do we deal with d?

  2. #2
    Social Media Guru
    sweetsteps's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    London, ON
    Posts
    4,690
    Rep Power
    413

    Default

    Wow....I am so sorry you're going through all this, it sounds like there is a lot of isues going on. Does d want to live with you? It sounds like it and with his age, if you can prove that his mom's house is an unstable pace (which by the sounds of it would be easy) and if D wants to live with you, you would have a really good case.




  3. #3
    Expert Forum User
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    20 yards EOA
    Posts
    9,249
    Rep Power
    393

    Default

    CAS? Police? I'm sorry. I have no answers. That's seriously effed up. He needs a supportive, loving environment, not a toxic one. It sounds like his mother's place is the toxic environment. I'm not there, I'm sure there's more to it, but his story breaks my heart. I hope you find something to help you guys out. The poor kid. This is how good kids go bad.

  4. #4
    Expert Forum User
    Kari2217's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    5,504
    Rep Power
    335

    Default

    I would 2nd CAS... I don't think that's a suitable environment for a kid to live in...
    Do you want him to live with you full-time?? Is his dad in the picture?

  5. #5
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
    princess2808's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Wrapping in the Ghetto
    Posts
    22,299
    Rep Power
    1037

    Default

    I would agree with a trial to see if a change in living space helps at all. You could say it would “give her a chance to focus on the new baby without having to worry about teenagers“?
    Mommy to DS Jan '06, DD July '09, DS Feb '11, DD Dec '12
    Wife to my wonderful DH of 8 years
    http://handsbetterfull.blogspot.com/

  6. #6
    Expert Forum User
    hockeymomof3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Sarnia
    Posts
    9,044
    Rep Power
    551

    Default

    CAS is in mom's life, cause of the armed robbery, her oldest son is a violet offender, so someone called CAS when they found out his girlfriend was having his baby. CAS said since this is all she can afford, they 3 kids are allowed to share a room. D comes to our house next weekend, we are gonna talk to him about living with us, but he will have to follow our rules. Yes we want him to live with us, but we will not put up with the behaviours, that is why he moved back with his most last September. And no his bio dad is not in the picture, he left the mom when she found out she was pregnant. Hasn't heard a word since, my SO has been in his life since he was 10 months old.

  7. #7
    Senior Member katemom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    london
    Posts
    1,420
    Rep Power
    75

    Default

    sorry don't have a suggestion that hasn't been said...would hope that CAS would consider placement with you...but think you would have to have a commitment from him too that he will follow your rules...i have had my share of teenage problems...and know how they can turn a household upside down...puts a lot of stress on everyone...including other kids...we had to draw behaviour lines too...

  8. #8
    Expert Forum User
    strongmommy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Old North
    Posts
    2,557
    Rep Power
    187

    Default

    I'm sorry it's happening to your family but glad you're trying to help.

    I'm a step mom myself and was a step-kid on the EOW cycle my entire childhood. I was also a kid who by 12 was weekend drinking and smoking and not doing great at school - and I had great sets of parents and tons of advantages. Sometimes it's just what happens to 14 yr olds - and with what you describe at his Mom's house it doesn't seem surprising he's acting out this way.

    I know teenagers can be tough to connect with but your D sounds pretty fragile right now. I wonder if he feels un-connected and conditionally accepted?? Have you thought about some family counselling through your side? I'd just worry since he's now 14 - and will be subject to the court system for screw-ups which isn't likely to scare him straight on its own.

    I'm sorry - I'm rambling and guess I don't have any real advice except to say I was your D once upon a time. My parents admit it was the hardest and longest period of their lives and caused so much stress for everyone - but I'm SO greatful they kept trying and trying and trying and trying. It took years but I eventually came to realize I was worthy and that I didn't need to push them away to save my ego because they weren't going anywhere.
    Last edited by strongmommy; 10-30-2009 at 06:30 PM.

  9. #9
    Expert Forum User
    hockeymomof3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Sarnia
    Posts
    9,044
    Rep Power
    551

    Default

    We asked her about councilling, and she said no. My children are in councilling, because of their father, and I pushed for it, he finally admitted they needed it, but I had them in councilling since I left him. We only get him maybe one weekend a month (cause he can't drink and smoke here), he decides to stay at his mom's or he goes to a friend's house, always leaves a message on our machine stating his mom said it was ok. So councilling is out on our end. CAS is gonna be coming to talk to us this week, I called them, so we can try to help him, we are gonna suggest he live with us to CAS, that way we can get him help, without his mom being in the way and always saying no.

    We want him to see that he doesn't have to follow in his brother's footsteps, and you can have a decent life.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    rubyslippers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    West London
    Posts
    2,221
    Rep Power
    124

    Default

    I admire all you're doing to help this boy. I see kids all the time that don't have the parental support, or people to show them that there are alternatives to the negative choices they are making, so good on you. Good luck.

  11. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Bonaventure Area
    Posts
    2,300
    Rep Power
    112

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hockeymomof3 View Post
    CAS is in mom's life, cause of the armed robbery, her oldest son is a violet offender, so someone called CAS when they found out his girlfriend was having his baby. CAS said since this is all she can afford, they 3 kids are allowed to share a room. D comes to our house next weekend, we are gonna talk to him about living with us, but he will have to follow our rules. Yes we want him to live with us, but we will not put up with the behaviours, that is why he moved back with his most last September. And no his bio dad is not in the picture, he left the mom when she found out she was pregnant. Hasn't heard a word since, my SO has been in his life since he was 10 months old.
    i cant believe CAS would say that...there are co-op that are based on your income...sp there is no reason why the should be living there still.... I agree talk to CAS and see if you can get him to live with you guys.

  12. #12
    Expert Forum User
    hockeymomof3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Sarnia
    Posts
    9,044
    Rep Power
    551

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mommyof2 View Post
    i cant believe CAS would say that...there are co-op that are based on your income...sp there is no reason why the should be living there still.... I agree talk to CAS and see if you can get him to live with you guys.
    She owns the house, that is why they said she doesn't have to move.

    Update: Her 17 year old was put back in jail, and the pregnant 17 year old moved back with her parents. So it is just mom and SS now. Thinks have improved in the past 2 weeks alot!!!

Similar Threads

  1. How do you deal?
    By SweetyPi in forum Chit Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 02-10-2009, 03:24 PM
  2. how do i deal with this?
    By Jessica in forum General Support/Advice about the Kids!
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 01-30-2009, 08:11 AM
  3. here's the deal
    By JKPLJ in forum Home & Garden
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 07-13-2008, 08:07 PM
  4. how to deal?
    By JKPLJ in forum Chit Chat
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 04-25-2008, 11:07 PM
  5. What's the deal with VV?
    By myrrah in forum Natural Family Living
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 05-16-2007, 03:55 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •