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  1. #1
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    Default Daddy # 1 and Daddy # 2....

    So my DS has started calling his bio dad (who he is with EOW) Daddy # 2....to his face....in front of me.

    Rationale: My current SO is at my place 95% of the time despite not actually living here. It's been 1.5 years. I guess DS must see him as a parental figure, and rightly so. He's there almost all the time, and bio dad is not. He does not call SO "Daddy" by any means, but refers to him to others by "daddy # 1" or "daddy at home" sometimes.

    How do I stop this behaviour and where does it come from? I can just SEE my ex-DH's face redden up when he heard this.

    I just find it rude and disheartening for ex-DH to hear this

  2. #2
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    I would sit down with you DS and talk about what the name dad means to men, just like mom is to you and how he has hurt his dads feelings. Kids do not have a filter and have no idea about hurting others with words like that.

  3. #3
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
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    Could you ask him to call them “Daddy-name“ if he's comfortable with that? That's what we had the kids do for grandparents. It was Gramma Laurie, and Gramma Marj. Kwim?

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    I like amyunicorns idea... except I don't think that the bio dad should be daddy-name.. I think he should just be daddy.

    I tihnk it sounds great for your SO to be daddy/name if everyone is comfortable with that.

    I feel for you and the bio dad - that would be VERY hard to hear maybe remind him that it's not meant as hurtful, and that your ds doesn't really 'know' what he's saying. I'm sure the bio dad knows that, but it would be nice to be reaffirmed and hear it from you I'm sure.



  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by foximamma View Post
    I like amyunicorns idea... except I don't think that the bio dad should be daddy-name.. I think he should just be daddy.

    I tihnk it sounds great for your SO to be daddy/name if everyone is comfortable with that.

    I feel for you and the bio dad - that would be VERY hard to hear maybe remind him that it's not meant as hurtful, and that your ds doesn't really 'know' what he's saying. I'm sure the bio dad knows that, but it would be nice to be reaffirmed and hear it from you I'm sure.
    I'm going by the idea that he's calling these men this to differentiate them FOR other people, so by using their names, other people will know who he means.

  6. #6
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    Ouch that has to sting bio dads heart

    My Parents divorced when I was 3. We lived with my stepfather for 6 years and I never called him Dad. My Mom just explained to us that we have 1 Mom and 1 Dad and although others share rolls similar to a Mom/Dad role, that title is exclusive to Mom and Dad.

  7. #7
    Expert Forum User bacon's Avatar
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    180 point of view time.

    I have had the luxury of being in this spot more then once. So I've had some historical experience with it. So being in the Step Parent Role, I go out of my way to explain how I personally would like to be addressed. This happens mostly up front, if the kids are old enough to understand.

    Sometimes it's really easy at that time because usually I get asked, How do we talk to you?

    Most notably I say, I am simply bacon.

    If you start fuzzying up the roles, then you are going to run into complications.



    If you were looking to have this stopped, then have the fresh daddy explain what he would like to be called is what I would try first.

  8. #8
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    I like the DaddyT... idea and have DS call Daddy - “Daddy“
    “A mother's love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking,
    it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking”- Helen Rice

  9. #9
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    Unhappy

    He calls the new SO simply by his first name.....but once in a while sneaks in “Daddy at home“ or “Step daddy“. I really do not want to use “stepdad“ until we're married.

    When we're engaged/married, the children may call him whatever they and he and I are comfortable with. Bio dad will always be simply Daddy though.

    Why can't anything just be simple and traditional

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    Quote Originally Posted by L&AMOM View Post
    I like the DaddyT... idea and have DS call Daddy - “Daddy“
    haha I always joke it should be “TyDaddy“ and “Daddy“ to SO when we're married (whenever THAT will be, geesh haha)....but you know SO....so of course you like “DaddyT“ hehe

  11. #11
    Expert Forum User bacon's Avatar
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    They can't be simple and traditional due to having feelings involved... they are complicated and constantly in a state of change.

    ... sorry, but that is the rules

  12. #12
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    Unhappy

    NOTHING is traditional.......

    I haven't told you about “daddy # 3“......thank goodness that isn't close

  13. #13
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    I agree with Bacon. Daddy is Daddy - especially if he's still involved! Anyone after Daddy is _(fill in the blank)_.
    Definately talk to DS about it and hopefully he understands that its not the same, even if SO is AWESOME. Which he must be to get the honoured title of Daddy#1. Good Luck

  14. #14
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    O___O

    Quote Originally Posted by gr8mommy View Post
    NOTHING is traditional.......

    I haven't told you about “daddy # 3“......thank goodness that isn't close
    You don't have a Milk Man story for this too do ya? Because that is where my experience ends.

  15. #15
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    No milkman!!

    My entire story was on the OLD London Moms site.....lost forever in webland hopefully haha

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