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  1. #1
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!

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    Default feeling overwhelmed help!

    I just need to get this out, as talking and writing help relieve some of my tension and upset, so please bear with me here. I feel so extremely overhwelmed lately. Although never officially diagnosed by a Dr for anxiety (a counsellor told me she thought I had it and I think she is very right). I feel this anxiety kicking into overdrive. This whole back to school thing with my son (grade 1 so now going everyday full day), his major outburts in the morning and when he gets home from school and for the rest of the evening are getting so much to deal with. I know we need to do something about it and have him looked at because I have felt something was 'off' with him for a long time now, it's just bringing myself to actually do it. Maybe that has to do with the anxiety too?
    My youngest son will not stay in bed when he is put there and it is sometimes 10pm before he finally fallss asleep! He often goes into my oldest son's room and bugs him too and that excarbates the problems.
    Today the bus was supposed to be there at 4:12pm well it did not arrive until 4:45pm and all of us wiating at the stop were worried sick. I started having a panic attack while standing there waiting for him, thinking something terrible had happened. It had something to do with the bus not being allowed to be released until 1/2 hour later due to 2 grade 8 girls causing some sort of problems? I have no clue!
    I just feel very down these days. It's so much going on at once. I just don't seem to have enough hours in a day to get it all done, despite the fact I am home all day long with my youngest son. I had also been applying for jobs for a while now and had not heard anything back about any of them, until today that is. I had pretty much given up and a woman who is the owner of a place (won't say the name) would like my contact info so she can set up an interview with me. Thing is, it is just for casual work for the time being (the job ad I had come across was for FT work); I am not sure how that would work with a child who stays home with me fulltime, etc. I don't know what to say to her but at the same time, I am reaching the point where I am ready to re-enter the workforce but at same time, very nervous about it (it has been 9 years!). I have never left my youngest son with anyone else, etc.
    I just don't know what to do at this point but feeling so very lost in this whole shuffle. I really do not want to go on antidepressants, as I have been on those in the past and did not like the side effects, etc. Hoping this passes soon because it is feeling so awful
    Thanks for listening to me.

  2. #2
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    Aww, hugs! The first week of school is always the most difficult. Things should be better next week.
    You have so much on your plate you need a plan of attack for everything. Since your youngest is staying up too late it sounds like he's sleeping too much during the day. Shorten/cut out his naps and see if that helps. I've heard of people sitting outside the room and putting the child back to bed, over and over and over for weeks until he/she finally stays in his/her own room. I've also heard of putting child locks on the inside of the door or a bathroom doorknob on so the child can't get out. Probably not legal or safe but sometimes you gotta do what you've gotta do.
    Your oldest is probably worse because he's not getting enough sleep, do whatever it takes to keep his brother out of his room and put him to bed earlier. Also talk to his Dr and teacher about your concerns. Hopefully he'll act better once he adjusts to his new routine.
    Decide what you want for work. If you only want full-time decline the casual position.
    Start looking for a caregiver now. You can take the time to find someone you love before you're in a crunch with a new job starting ASAP. Hopefully the caregiver will be able to hold a spot until you need it.

    Life is always better with a plan. Figure yours out and write it down.

  3. #3
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!

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    Thanks for the suggestions. My youngest son stopped napping a long time ago. He still needs a nap but hje just will not go for one, so he does not have one. We put him into bed earlier but it takes him THAT long to fall asleep! So frustrating!
    It's just so much going on that's all. We have been dealing with these 'temper tantrums' in our almost 6 year old for a while but it's reaching the breaking point for us and we NEED to do something about it. I think that alone could be contributing to a rise in my anxiety levels these days.
    Not sure what I will do about that job just yet but I better get back to the woman. I think I may have to decline it for now. Finding everything else going on more than enough right now as it is.
    The bus issue....it was late yesterday as well, just not as late as today. Hoping it is more on time starting tomorrow because that is not fair to all of us standing at the bus stop who are expected to be there at a certain time and then the bus is 33 minutes late? A bit much IMO.

  4. #4
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    Ah, hugs to you! No wonder you are overwhelmed!

    Your older sons “tantrums,“ are they about anything specific? Happen at the same time or for the same reasons? Or do they seem random? We thought that with my DS, but we were able to narrow it down some. We then had intensive behaviour therapy (he's autistic), but I bet some of the strategies could work for you. I'd be happy to discuss them with you and see if it can help in some small way... we were “coached“ and had to participate in parts of the sessions, so I am pretty confident in ways that may help...
    www.southhilldesigns.com/carolwood
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  5. #5
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!

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    Tanise:
    Any advice you can offer me or methods would be very much appreciated at this point. His younger brother seems to be a HUGE stressor for him and always have been. The 2 of them do NOT get along at all. When we first brought our youngest home after he was born, oldest son would not speak to us for over a week! he did not say a word; he had a very angry look on his face and would glare at us and his bab y brother but he went completely silent. I am not sure how we got him talking again. His brother is now 3 and he still has not gotten over him coming into this world!
    Little things piss him off, like things that would not bother anyone else REALLY bother him. It can be anything! There is so much more I could tell too but won't get into full details.
    You are more than welcome to PM me with suggestions which you think I should try and which may work. He definitely needs to be seen.
    Something else about him is the fact we have signed him up for various things in the past and he wants no part of it. He seems all gung ho about these things until we get there and then he starts acting up, etc. He does not really like sports but loves and I mean loves art! He is very artistic and creative.
    He refused to learn to ride a bike when other kids his age were doing so, He just learned how to recently and he skipped the training wheels all togehter and went straight to the 2 wheels. He seems to operate this very way with so many things! We have tried so hard with him to get him to interact with other kids in the way a kid should but forcing him does not work.
    He seems unhappy a lot of the time and when you ask if he is, he snaps at us “I am not mad or sad etc“
    I can tell you more in a private message if you want. Thanks

  6. #6
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    I've PM'd you.
    www.southhilldesigns.com/carolwood
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    The devil on my left shoulder wants me to reply, but the angel on my right shoulder is screaming: filter.....FILTER! - unknown


  7. #7
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    You need to find time to focus on your needs separate from the family. As a wife, mother, daughter, sister..etc we tend to lose ourselves and thus lose the motivation to keep giving to others when we are never giving to ourselves. As for the anxiety you need to really think about and perhaps journal as to where it is all coming from and find coping strategies to change these patterns. Children are very intuitive and can “feel“ alot of what they can't necessarily see so on some level your anxiety could be feeding into his and vice versa. If you are on edge, it could set the stage for one of his “tantrums“ as he may be unable to deal with the emotional environment around him and this is his way of coping when verbally he doesn't have the skills to express it. And in return, his stress, continues to feed yours. Meditation can be really helpful as can guided imagery. The answers are there, you just need to allow yourself to tap into them. You don't have to live your life like this and deserve better. I hope that helps.
    Vanessa Case RHN
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