Advice sought re: older children and police

[tailbouncer]

This might be long so bear with me:::
Last year my then 12 yr olds bike was stolen from our driveway one night. I had him call the police and report it. Next day his bike showed up at the local pool. The manager of the pool held the bike and I called the police to say it was found. The child who arrived with the bike whipped my son with his wet towel leaving a welt. The cops came, took statements, released the bike to my son after he was able to identify it and went to visit the " thief's" home. Since then we found out that a friend of my son's dared this child to do it for $5, and have been told that the thief has been in the boys home and on probation for other things. Fast forward to this year. My son hangs at the pool every day, the thief has been causing him issues periodically and wanting to fight with him. I have talked with the lifeguards and the manager and explained the situation. So fast forward to today. I get a call from the pool manager telling me that she had to call the police on the " thief" child and another for fighting, that they were trying to provoke my child into a fight and she was concerned because my son was going to be walking home and the 2 kids had taken off when the police were called. I went and picked him up. Here is my query,,,, am I being overprotective? Should I just let my son fight this kid or keep telling him that he will solve nothing by fighting and until the kid throws a punch do nothing, he is just trying to get a rise out of you. Sidenote : the thief is pissed cause we called the cops on him, which makes me furious as he STOLE the bike and of course we would call the cops. I hate that my son is being the target of this kids anger and that his time at the pool is stressful. Any suggestions?????

[SweetyPi]

First, this sucks. My son has had many a run in with bullies over the last year especially. My husband's view on this is that I let whatever aggression happen and let him deal with it. He seems to think we've well equipped our son to be able to handle bullies. I don't think so. I don't think you're being over protective, especially since you have told him, until this child hits you, DO NOT hit him first. That's pretty open ended to a 12-13 year old. I can't tell you whether you're right or wrong here. I can tell you that my husband would be taking care of something like this because I would have reacted the same way you have. Don't know hun.. maybe not the answer you're looking for, but it's all I've got right now.

[bigmomma3]

Can you approach the parents of this child? Kids can be mean. I think your right telling your child what you have been about fighting.

[Donna]

I know I would have gone and picked up my son also and thanked the lifeguard for calling (both the police and you). This 'theif' sounds like a 'piece of work' (don't know what else to call him) and I doubt some how it would be a 'fair fight' (whatever that might me) anyhow. I'm just a mom and would protect my son.

[xojessica]

You did the right thing by picking him up. That is not being over protective at all. The lifeguard wouldn't have called you if she felt there was no need for concern. This has been going on for nearly a year now, so it seems and it sounds like the theif isn't going to let up. I would keep on doing what you're doing. Like pp's said, you've told your son not to hit unless he has been hit, there isn't much else you can do when you aren't around. But if you step in when you're able, then there is nothing wrong with that IMO.

I'm not sure what else to say but I do hope this situation gets resolved.

[MrsSunshine]

you are NOT overprotecting your son from this 'bully/thief' after just dealing with this same kind of crap the other day with a bully and a cop. basically he informed us that he warned the other kid to just stear clear and to tell my son basically the same. IF their is violence or assault involved they will come out however is overtone was try to resolve it yourself. ftr under 12 can't be charged. i HATE that rule, heck if they can do the crime... so as long as your child does NOT throw the first punch he's in the rightt. My Dh and I do NOT allow fighting in our house or as a way of resolving anything. be the bigger person if you can, defending yourself is a different situation though. thats the best i got.

[tailbouncer]

Thanks ladies. Son updated me a bit. Guess the kid is banned from the pool for the rest of the summer so that should help a bit. Cops found the kid and took him somewhere. I think he is over 12, not sure, so they are not just ignoring it, the kid has been in a bit of trouble in the past and is pretty well known to the police. I asked my son why he did not hit him when he was pushed into the fence today, and his smart arse answer was “ yeah so I get kicked out of the pool for fighting? He is so not worth it.“ Guess I should be proud.

[SweetyPi]

Good for him!! that shows some progressive thinking on his part. You should be proud. I know I am

[MrsSunshine]

you should be VERY proud. karma will catch up with this kid.

[KerryLee17]

Pat yourself on the back mommy, you have done a great job raising a very smart kid that knows a bully is not worth it.

I hope you keep it up with your daycare kiddies.


P.S. For those that don't know she is my HDC provider., and DS1 is an awesome kid!!!

[ToocuteMaddie'n'Josh]

What a great kid you have! And no, I don't think that you are being over-protective at all. It sounds so simple to say, “Let him fight his own battles“ as it sounds like your dh is saying. But that can EASILY lead to one wrong punch being thrown, or falling to the ground a certain way, and the results can be disastrous (if not deadly). It's not worth the risk. Sounds like you are doing everything right (and thank goodness the pool takes this as seriously as it deserves!).