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  1. #1
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
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    Default 8 year old going on 18 UPDATE

    Someone please help me. I am aware Paige is heading into early adolescence (She's 8 years old, but there are very apparent physical changes already, confirmed by Doctor). Is this what they call Tweens?? Does it have to come with the "MY LIFE IS SOOOO AWFUL!" side effect already?! She has the entire routine down to an art form. She throws down whatever she's holding (or shoves something aside), then throws herself onto the couch/bed/floor. She then says haughtily "Nothing EVER goes my way." or "Nothing ever works out for me." or "I never get ANYTHING I want." or the famous "It's SO not FAIR!" She's got the FACE! She drags her feet when she walks. How DARE I ask her to put away the cream cheese SHE left on the coffee table! HUFF!! Dragdragdrag. Don't quite bend over to SNATCH it up. Stompstompstomp. Toss into fridge.

    ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! I want to cry. Already? Wahhhh!!!

    It's literally taking ALL of my resolve not to get angry with her. I know that's not going to have an acceptable response/effect!! I don't want to butt heads with a rebellious NON-teen already! What to do?! Is it stress for the move (we're packing and moving in less than 9 days)? Will it go away if I ignore it? Is this not too early to be dealing with this? I do notice that if I can remember to ask/talk to her with an almost over-pleasant (forced at moments) voice, she's more receptive, but Sheesh! It's like trying to talk to a very small child again. Is this normal? This mom-shit is hard!

  2. #2
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    my dd just turned 7 and has been this way since she hit 6 its tweens for you.

    I tell her to suck it up and deal with it becasue it can be worse

    mind you now I know why my dad forced us all to watch those world vision shows as kids I may just do that with her to show her good she has it.

    I dont tolerate rude/disrespectful tone of voice and she knows that the minute she starts I tell her I cant hear her and I will listen when she can talk in a normal tone. I have a feeling its gonna be a tough few years.


    they do start early these days

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    How about 9 going on 19......everything you wrote I can totally agree with....right down to the body changes that are occuring.....Sometimes I wonder where these "outbursts" and "meltdowns" come from....it's going to be impossible to get through the next few years....We need our own support group.
    I too have tried talking to dd to see if anything is bothering her, something happen at school etc....she doesn't seem to open up about anything in particular. From what others have told me, this is totally normal behaviour..... :? :?

  4. #4
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
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    I SECOND a support group! It helps to know that my dd isn't a Freak starting this stuff at this age, but SHEESH how do *I* deal with it? Any moms out there that got THROUGH this have any advice?

    Here's the thing. Here's my Fear.

    THis is so hard for me to type (I'm tearing up).

    This was the stage where my mother and I lost each other (although I will admit I was at least a BIT OLDER!!!). She pushed me away, and I pushed her away. I moved out at 16 and she did very spiteful and hurtful things to me and those around me. To the point that we have hit a complete and utter dissolution of our relationship. She doesn't hear me, and I can't forgive her. The most difficult time of my life, when I needed her most, was when she hurt me the most.

    I am TERRIFIED of doing something like this with my daughter. I'm scared I'm going to lose her if I don't deal with this the Right Way.

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    Senior Member Madie&Logan's Mom's Avatar
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    Sorry, no advice.

    Glad you posted here!!!!
    ~Christine~

    Mom to Madison Anne (5) and Logan Douglas (2)

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    Junior Member chky0925's Avatar
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    I don't have a child that age yet but I think that because you are fully aware of what happened to you and your mom, you won't let it happen to you and your daughter. It'll be rough but you'll make it through. I know when i've said something to my son and I think "good lord, that's what my mom would have said", then I need to regroup and take a different approach. (Not always but sometimes) Anyhow good luck!!

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    I don't have a girl but all boys, and I know that they go thru tweens different, be very watchful, my friends niece use to be a little like that and they passed it off as growing and body changes, they tried to get her help at 17 when she still was being so negative, she hung herself at 17. So please, please watch her close as girls hormones are so different and it can be hard on them. Sorry not trying to scare you but children can have depression and some never know.




  8. #8
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    amyunicorn, you will fine becasue you now know what went wrong for you and your mom you know how to not go that way.

    With DD becasue of her needs I am very used to mood swings I tend to do alot "this too shall pass" and have learned really well to read her signals and know when to probe and when to let it go.

    if you have a had a good relationship up to now it is a great base for them as they get older, just make sure she knows you are always available to talk and listen.

    also something in my home too that we just started is rights verus privileges and I had sign an agreement that helped make , do I expect her to hold to it 100% no way but it helped us broach the topic and find sanswers together to what to do to help things get better.

    If it helps I got not only the tween right now but also hypo-mania added on which is so much fun if I get lucky she will sleep from 10 pm- 6 am and she is a child who NEEDS a good 10-12 hrs a night to function properly

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    I know for a fact that I suffer from depression and by nature am a pessimist. I wonder if she's inherited that innately, or I worry that she's picked up enough from me that she's heading this way. She tends to see the more unhappy points with each scenario, and it takes a bit to get her really excited about things.

    But I do want to point out that it's not like she's miserable ALL THE TIME or anything like that. She is an amazing social butterfly, has earned many priveledges (such as visiting friends after school etc.) and tells us she loves us daily. I know she's craving some mommy & me time.

    I will work on this.

  10. #10
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
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    Well! Interesting thing happened today. Took the kids to the store and they got candies in a bag (even split but one bag). They began to fight over who got to hold the bag, so I took it and began doling out the candies. Paige began her huff and puff and I told her ENOUGH. I told her that she must try to think happy, positive thoughts. She said when she gets hot she gets angry. I said that's fine to feel miserable because it's hot, but not to take it out on me and her little brother. I made her smile, and she then quickly forced herself to STOP SMILING.

    Tine, do you remember her doing this when she was TWO YEARS OLD?!?!?! She's doing it all.over.again

    SIGH.

    After we got home I sat her down and told her that I didn't appreciate when she was miserable around everyone, and moody about everything. I told her that she must express her emotions appropriately, and not make everything a Big Deal. I offered to help her write a journal (show her how and then let her carry on without my interference). She actually apologized. I genuinely think my poor girl is overwhelmed by her emotions. I hope I'm helping her the right way here.

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    I think that's a great idea to help her start writing a journal.

    Reassure her that you are always open to speaking with her about her feelings, and that regardless of everything she's your daughter and you love her unconditionally, and give the girl a big bear hug!
    I remember growing up sometimes all I wanted from my mom was a hug.
    Feelings and emotions can be very overwhelming for a young girl.

    Take it easy, best of luck with your daughter..

    Keep up the good work mom!

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    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom! mamabear's Avatar
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    Have you tried telling her that if she wants to start behaving like a teenager this early, she'll have to grow out of the teenager thing, oh... about 5 years early, at which point she'll be expected to behave like a responsible adult by the age of 14? :P

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by mamabear
    Have you tried telling her that if she wants to start behaving like a teenager this early, she'll have to grow out of the teenager thing, oh... about 5 years early, at which point she'll be expected to behave like a responsible adult by the age of 14? :P
    I don't think *I* can handle her behaving like a teenager early :P Plus I don't think the world needs two of me. I was a "responsible adult" by the time I was 16, living on my own. No one should have to grow up that fast.

    I don't think she even realizes she's acting pissy half the time, and she sure doesn't know how to get herself OUT of it. Unlike my ds who is smiling ALL the time.

    She has told me before that she felt like running away from home. I think that's what scares me most is that she felt it's so bad she doesn't know what to do but run away (what could be so bad that she'd have to run away? she can't even tell me...). I thought I had been open enough, and caring enough that she could approach me and I have never refused to talk to her or listen to her. I have explained that it's ok to be angry with me about something, that I would still love her. How do you promote an attitude change that I, myself, am only beginning to be able to do at MY age?

    It's extremely difficult to be optomistic and cheerful when your natural reaction is the opposite.

  14. #14
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    I opened this forum b/c I am going through this, too, only mine is a nearly-8-year-old boy. The mood swings, the defiance, the "I-hate-you-I-wish-you-weren't-my-mother" chants, the selective hearing, the "yeah, whatever" responses...

    On the plus side, I have been told that children who are difficult at this age are easier as teenagers...it was a school counsellor who told me this.

    I went through it early, too, around 11-13 were my worst years. I still got into trouble in highschool, but not as much as some of my friends. So maybe there's some truth to it....we can always hope!
    Please always show kindness in your posts as the person receiving it may need it more than you will ever know.

    SAHM to two boys, 13 and 7.

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    Oh wow I hope so! I know I was a very easy teenager. So I can only hope for the same from her. My best friend can attest to her behaviour over this past weekend. Oh the Huffing!!!

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