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  1. #1
    Expert Forum User foximamma's Avatar
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    Default How would you handle?

    so I'm going to take advantage of our new section and ask how you step-parents (or parents) deal with this.

    one of our rules (and sdd has like NONE while she is here) is that she takes out the dogs on occassion and is to CLEAN UP THEIR CRAP when she takes them out. This has been the topic of MANY MANY MANY a discussion, with all sorts of warnings etc.

    She will listen and apologize but then a few weekends later, or the next one even, she does it again. I already have to clean up after the dogs when DH takes them out - a whole nother ^%*&^%(*&^)&^ rant - and I think it is RIDICULOUS that I have to clean up after when she takes them out as well. She is DEFINITELY old enough to do it herself - (she'll be 14 in October)

    Like I said, this is her only chore she is expected to do here.

    Well I take the dogs for their walk, (one dog is OCD and has to go in the same spot - long story).. so he goes and what does he do - STEPS IN THE CRAP THAT SHE DIDN'T PICK UP! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so not only do I have to clean it up, I have to clean it off the dog. SUPER frustrated.

    I asked DH to call her and ask her where she put the poop bags that she 'cleaned' up or to talk to her about it (she is now back at her mom's) - we're annoyed with eachother today -separate issue - he just rolls his eyes.

    it is ridiculously hard to parent a child ONLY on weekends. (oh and there is a TONNE that is expected of her at her moms)
    Last edited by foximamma; 07-19-2009 at 07:33 PM.



  2. #2
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    Well my first thought is if daddy doesn't do it, what can you expect, yk?
    LondonMoms has really gone downhill, ever since they started chit chatting in the home and garden forum. There is a place for chit chat, people!!!

  3. #3
    Expert Forum User foximamma's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by myrrah View Post
    Well my first thought is if daddy doesn't do it, what can you expect, yk?
    ok, so what would be your suggestion to get them BOTH to do it?



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    Well personally I'd probably freak out on my SO about how I am not the pooper scooper and it is inconsiderate and demeaning to expect me to clean up all the dog crap even when he takes the dog out, I am infuriated and it needs to stop now, blahblah on and on. Not sure that's the best suggestion but it's what I would do.
    LondonMoms has really gone downhill, ever since they started chit chatting in the home and garden forum. There is a place for chit chat, people!!!

  5. #5
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    Sounds like a shitty situation...(lol).

    Maybe a sit down next time she comes and talking about consquences. Or if your SO and his ex get along maybe all the parents could agree on something so she knows that it'll last more then 2 days.

    Or what about changing her chore. From a child perspective I never wanted a dog growing up and really hated when I had to take care of him as he wasn't mine. I know chores are things to help out the whole family but maybe this one just rubs her wrong.
    ...and in that moment I swear we were infinite.

  6. #6
    Expert Forum User foximamma's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by myrrah View Post
    Well personally I'd probably freak out on my SO about how I am not the pooper scooper and it is inconsiderate and demeaning to expect me to clean up all the dog crap even when he takes the dog out, I am infuriated and it needs to stop now, blahblah on and on. Not sure that's the best suggestion but it's what I would do.

    *note: no one take offense to anything I say, Incase I sound sarcastic! I am in a rage- and I don't mean it!*


    yea the problem is, that argument gets OLD after about 100 times of saying it. Flat out stopping doing it doesn't help either as it will just sit there, and I don't find that acceptable for obvious reasons.
    *sigh* and when SO doesn't listen to the discussions, the letters I've written, the rages - it's really hard to find the next step of WTF to do - he said that he was just going to pay someone to do it finally. Well, we don't have the money to pay people to do ridiculous things like that - sure, can I have some money to pay someone to come and do the dishes too?

    ugh - this wasn't supposed to be a rant about him, but right now - it is hard for it not to become one.



  7. #7
    Expert Forum User foximamma's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stepher View Post
    Sounds like a shitty situation...(lol).

    Maybe a sit down next time she comes and talking about consquences. Or if your SO and his ex get along maybe all the parents could agree on something so she knows that it'll last more then 2 days.

    Or what about changing her chore. From a child perspective I never wanted a dog growing up and really hated when I had to take care of him as he wasn't mine. I know chores are things to help out the whole family but maybe this one just rubs her wrong.
    it's 'HER' DOG! she BEGGED FOR IT! and considering she only has OCCASSIONAL weekend duty.....


    here is our current disagreement. I asked DH if he called her and he said no and he wasn't going to. We can discuss it the next weekend she's here -which isn't this coming weekend as she's camping with her mom - but the weekend after.

    Personally I think that is too long to discuss something that happened today without even mentioning it. And it sets her next weekend off here - to a bad start having to discuss and deal with that right away.

    What I wanted to see what to call her, talk to her about not picking it up, and then say that over the next 2 weeks she can come up with a consquence to not listening/doing her chore, and we will discuss it when she gets here. Sets the expectation in advance - not a surprise “lets talk abotu what you did 2 weeks ago“ type deal. DH is in total disagreement.



  8. #8
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    it is definitaley hard to parent only on weekends. Is taking the dog out something she likes to do? If so i would explain to her how it is part of taking the dog out, and she has to pick it up as other people wouldnt be too happy stepping in it. When we got my stepsons for visits we didnt have a dog, but they were expected to clean up after themselves and help out a bit with dinner and such, we didnt ask much of them at the time because we didnt really see them all that much. With her listening and apologizing it seems as though she does care, so i would just keep reminding her if that is something you want her to keep doing. My 15 year old cant stand picking it up and is disgusted by it, so i get why she wouldnt want to do it at that age...

  9. #9
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    everything about parenting is harder when the parents arnt getting along, and hes not only just not getting along with you hes doing somethingthat your 'fighting' w a 14 yr old to do so go ahead and vent, you deserve it.
    ...and in that moment I swear we were infinite.

  10. #10
    Expert Forum User foximamma's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noahsmom View Post
    it is definitaley hard to parent only on weekends. Is taking the dog out something she likes to do? If so i would explain to her how it is part of taking the dog out, and she has to pick it up as other people wouldnt be too happy stepping in it. When we got my stepsons for visits we didnt have a dog, but they were expected to clean up after themselves and help out a bit with dinner and such, we didnt ask much of them at the time because we didnt really see them all that much. With her listening and apologizing it seems as though she does care, so i would just keep reminding her if that is something you want her to keep doing. My 15 year old cant stand picking it up and is disgusted by it, so i get why she wouldnt want to do it at that age...
    I sure as hell don't like it or find it any less disgusting!!!!!!!

    the problem - well not a problem- but I hope you know what I mean is that she is always in 100% agreement. No talking back, says that she gets why she has to do it all of that, which is great- on the surface - but then she just continues to not do it.

    I think I'm just learning that this is teenage/child behaviour to have to repeat things a thousand times?



  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by foximamma View Post
    I sure as hell don't like it or find it any less disgusting!!!!!!!

    I think I'm just learning that this is teenage/child behaviour to have to repeat things a thousand times?
    i completely agree... i dont think anyone could really like it... it shouldnt be u stepping in it in the first place.

    I completely agree with the repeating....it is definately teenage child behaviour...i can say eventually it will be like second nature but we havent got there yet
    ETA Both my stepsons have chores that involve our pets and are the same every week and every week we have to tell them to do it...

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by foximamma View Post
    it's 'HER' DOG! she BEGGED FOR IT! and considering she only has OCCASSIONAL weekend duty.....


    here is our current disagreement. I asked DH if he called her and he said no and he wasn't going to. We can discuss it the next weekend she's here -which isn't this coming weekend as she's camping with her mom - but the weekend after.

    Personally I think that is too long to discuss something that happened today without even mentioning it. And it sets her next weekend off here - to a bad start having to discuss and deal with that right away.

    What I wanted to see what to call her, talk to her about not picking it up, and then say that over the next 2 weeks she can come up with a consquence to not listening/doing her chore, and we will discuss it when she gets here. Sets the expectation in advance - not a surprise “lets talk abotu what you did 2 weeks ago“ type deal. DH is in total disagreement.
    I think what you wanted to happen was very appropriate and a great 'solution'. Sadly it seems like right now (form what I'm reading on this thread) that SO is kinda the problem with finding a solution.
    ...and in that moment I swear we were infinite.

  13. #13
    Expert Forum User foximamma's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stepher View Post
    everything about parenting is harder when the parents arnt getting along, and hes not only just not getting along with you hes doing somethingthat your 'fighting' w a 14 yr old to do so go ahead and vent, you deserve it.

    with him I gave up that argument a long time ago. He wanted to pay someone to do it, I said absolutely not bc we can't afford him to pay for something bc he's lazy. So the 'compromise' (since I didn't really have a choice) was that I was taking money that would have been spent on that for myself.

    I've done it like 2x in over a year, but it's hard to take money for myself when there isn't any there.



  14. #14
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    wanted to add if it was me, once she got in from the walk i would asked her if she picked it up and if she didnt i would send her back out to get it... i am sure eventually she would get tired of going back out to get it...

  15. #15
    Expert Forum User foximamma's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stepher View Post
    I think what you wanted to happen was very appropriate and a great 'solution'. Sadly it seems like right now (form what I'm reading on this thread) that SO is kinda the problem with finding a solution.

    yea, I'm seeing that now. Truthfully - we were sort of annoyed with eachother all day, and after trying to discuss it tonight - it's turned into a whole different battle and I AM ENRAGED.

    it's amazing how much you can dislike someone that you love. (DH NOT SDD!!!) cause OMG he is making my F*ING BLOOD BOIL.



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