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  1. #16
    Senior Member kristen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zoo View Post
    Oh pick me! lol

    The two most important things that come to mind are to make sure you nourish her self-esteem and foster a belief that she DESERVES to be treated well. I let someone treat me like crap at one of the lowest points of my life, and I think it was because deep down I didn't think I was worth more. Not that I treated HIM well, mind you. It was a mutually destructive arrangement.

    The other important thing is to set an example for her of how a man SHOULD behave, and how he should treat a woman.
    exactly my thoughts

  2. #17
    Zoo
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    Quote Originally Posted by mamabear View Post
    LOL! I'm pretty weirded out by the idea of 13-year-olds and 16-year-olds dating though.

    So you probably are a little horrified that the 18-year-old boyfriend came right after that one? Yep. Ick.


  3. #18
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    Heya Bacon!

    I think the ladies here hit the nail right on the head.... using a 24 oz. long handled Estwing, which is a great hammer by the by (although I prefer the 22 oz short by Estwing, lets you bulk up the forearms, very theraputic!!!)....

    I think it would be detrimental to preach (for lack of a better word) to such a young woman who they can and cannot love. When it comes down to it, people fall in love with other people for all sorts of reasons...

    Some girls love the boys who cheat on them and treat them like garbage, Some girls like the boys with no spine as they are easier to manipulate, Some girls like the brainy guys, Some girls like the guys with bulging biceps.... It's the way it is just because...

    I think the setting a good example as a father/parent is the right thing to do. Just being there for your daughter to talk about her relationships would be a good thing too do... If you begin to open the pathways for communication now when she's young, this would instill a sense of familiarity, comfort and respect and she won't feel awkward talking to you when she's older if she ever has a question, concern or (hopefully not) a problem...

    I only have a son, and he's one, and yesterday we had to have a little talk about high maintenance women... I believe in laying the ground work early! HA HA HA!!... Totally kidding...

    ..... Hey can't we get a more creative name for this forum? Male room... The Den... Man Cave... let's spice it up a touch eh?

  4. #19
    Junior Member shutterbug's Avatar
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    hmmmm This is an interesting tread. Being new I have to catch up.
    I too have an almost 13 year old daughter and have similar thoughts. Except I was that girl who got banned from the boyfriend. and yes definitely the worst thing you can do if it just a “I just don't like that boy“. But if there was obvious evidence that they are abusive. Thats another story.
    I was banned from the one that treated me like gold. We split on a decision he made that could never be reversed and I could never forgive him. Other wise I'm sure I would still be with him today. But my parents were blind to the guys who actually abused me. All after the one guy I was banned from. (I'm sure I found the perfect losers with my great low self esteem) I take it they just gave up on me, just stopped watching. there wasn't any communication. Communication, keeping up self esteem, Love them no matter what, never lose your connection or you'll lose her.

    Hopefully all that has happened in my past will help me with my daughter in the future.

  5. #20
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!

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    ITA with Zoo and Pancake.
    Probably not a shocker.
    My Dad was nonexistant. Therefore I had some pretty messed up view of men. I still do. As long as you're active and she is getting enough 'male attention' (ie time with Dad hanging out), I bet she will be fine.

  6. #21
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    bacon...

    let her know that you're there for her to talk to.

    let her know that she deserves someone who will treat her special

    and deep breath man...cause it's a real trip you're on now!

  7. #22
    Zoo
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    bacon have you read reviving ophelia yet??

  8. #23
    Expert Forum User bacon's Avatar
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    No, I have not read anything.

    But that is due to my own environmental situation. I, like those before me am currently cursed with 12+ hours of work daily. The book is in the queue, among several others that I would like to get at. This stuff that I got going on should go in its own thread, someday.


    I did get an opportunity to have a quick deep discussion not so long ago around these lines. My daughter was called something unpleasant, for not ever getting a grade lower then A-, by her boyfriend. Which was predicted, and she was prepared for it. As far as I can tell, she ripped him a new one. She got a hug and a bagel and we went on to discuss identified bigger issues. That stuff that we got going on should go in its own thread, someday.


    I have given a whole big speech of knowing who you are as a person, and don't start throwing who you are away for somebody else because they can't handle it... especially when it is a positive personality trait. Well, that speech is given around here once a month for the last handful of years. They all might be getting tired of it... but I will continue to state it. I feel really strongly about this one, as it's has the deepest personal impact to me.
    Last edited by bacon; 11-19-2009 at 07:00 AM. Reason: misplaced an article

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