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  1. #1
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    Default kids and sexuality

    My friend just wrote this to me. I don't know what to say to her, my kids are 2 and 6 months. Does anyone have any advice Icould pass along?

    OMG I am mortified at what just happened to my daugther. She is 6 and I babysit children in my home, and the other day she said mommy I need to tell you something, it was hard for her to tell me that this little boy (5) that I babysit wanted her to kiss him on the cheek, she did it and then he wanted her to kiss him on the lips and she did that. I remained calm and had the discussion about your body and nobody can tell you what to do and you are too young for that etc. I was concerned because she was crying when she told me and said she felt bad and didn't want to do it. I thought I handled it pretty well, I was concerned though about the boy coming back and didn't know what to do. I talked to his mom and she agreed to talk to him. Well then later on that night she said mommy there is something else I have to tell you that happened, I was like WWOOAA! I listened the same way as before and she said he told her to lift up her skirt, pull down her panty hose and he kissed her ontop of her underware on her "front" bum. OMG are you kidding me?? This goes on at this age?? I was completely floored, I asked if she touched him and he said he wanted her too but she said no. She was crying when she was telling me and said that she didn't like it and didn't want to do it ever again. I held it together in front of her and told her she did the right thing telling me and I was so proud of her and she doesn't ever need to do that and all the things I think I was supposed to say, but I just can't get this sick feeling out of my stomach. I have talked to some people who have said kids will be kids, but I can't deal with that I don't think that kids at that age should be acting like that. Needless to say that night I quit with the boy and did not want him back in my house. This has left me so torn up and I don't know what to think. Any suggestions or comments I would love to hear from you, I am just so shaken up I don't know where to go from here!
    Thanks for listening

  2. #2
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    At this age kids beging to do some exploring. I too would be upset but after taking some workshops the say that this is normal. The other child may have seen something and is imitating it or something could have possibly happened to him. I would sit down and talk with the child's parents. Maybe he seen something on television. Try not to punish the other child as he does not understand yet. Jut explain that anything that would be covered by a bathing suit is not to be touched. Hang in there, things will work out.

  3. #3
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    I totally understand how you feel! It's an aweful feeling to have to go through and especially difficult considering how your daughter felt about it as well.

    I do however believe that it could have been completely innocent and normal. It's hard to say without knowing the background or life experience of the other boy. It's hard to not jump to conclusions!

    It allowed you an opportunity to talk to your daughter about what she should do in that situation should it ever happen again and b/c you didn't overreact there is a good chance that she would come to you. That is at least something good that may have come from it.

    Go ahead and do what your gut is telling you but try not to assume the worst of the little boy. I hope that his mother was as good at talking to him b/c often parents can ovvereact and the worst thing you can do is to try to shame the little boy or tell him that his behaviour is wrong. It's best described as unacceptable to do that but not "wrong" as it could lead to many problems with the little boy in the future.


    ETA: Of course it should not be ignored either as it could very well be a sign of something more serious going on with the little boy. It could be that he was molested or has witnessed something as well. Without knowing the family well enough it would be hard to say. You would be surprised though to learn about the "range" of naturally occuring sex play between children of that age. The difference is that they don't think of it as sexual at all and it's more exploratory than anything else. It often shocks parents b/c we jump to the conclusion that it is sexual in nature.

    Take care,
    Leslie




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    I would wonder if that child was molested. I've seen a situation where a little boy was molested and then tried to get another little girl to do things. The little girl told her parents and the boy got into huge trouble but the parents later learned that the boy had been molested by a cousin not long before.
    They do have to learn these things somewhere...

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