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  1. #1
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    Default Donor rights vs. Child's rights?

    London Free Press - Local News- Man searching for sperm donor dad
    Got me thinking.... Where's the line? I think the donor has more rights then this man and should maintain his anonymity...but I can understand where this person is coming from.... I don't know, it's called anonymous donation for a reason... why is that so hard to understand? Maybe I'm not being compassionate enough, but the hospital has gone above and beyond here. The reasons behind his parents decision to use anon donation is where he needs to take this up with, not like this. IMO. What do you think?

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    i think he should be able to retain his anon status. there should be no way to find a sperm donor.
    Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

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    I agree that children conceived by donor sperm should have access to their information, as should adoptees. But I think this dude is taking things too far and is a bit more embittered than is necessary. Calling his parents selfish for having him, referring to the donor as his father... none of this will go over well IMO. You can tell he has no kids yet (I would lay money on it LOL), and he comes off as a petulant pouting child.
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    I guess I am not compassionate enough either. All I can think about is the poor man who, 20-something years ago thought he was doing an anonymous good deed, and now might have that good deed come back to visit him.

    To be fair though, if this was something a bit different, like he needs a bone marrow match and needs to find relatives for that reason, I might be more sympathetic.

    It's a tough one!

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    I understand the need to know where you came from not every one is happy just having 2 parents, I grew up with an awesome step father but I always had questions for my bio dad and those will never be answered becasue he died.

    I think there has to a middle ground somewhere that can satisfy the donors need for privacy and the mans need to know where he came from.

    also this man is 24 did the parents even have the option of known donor back then?

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    Quote Originally Posted by myrrah View Post
    I agree that children conceived by donor sperm should have access to their information, as should adoptees. .
    medical history sure, current address and name? no way imo


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    I guess I think of it like adoption, although obviously it is not the same. In this case I dunno, I don't think you can release info that you promised someone you wouldn't release. But going forward, I think promising anonymity for sperm donors is possibly a violation of the human rights of the child who results from that donation. As has been IMO successfully argued regarding adoptees.

    Unfortunately requiring disclosure would limit the pool of available donors. And with the internet, people can access even anon donors or at least bio half siblings using the donor number.
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    ahh never mind, just making the same point agaiin LOL
    Last edited by myrrah; 06-26-2009 at 06:44 PM.
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    See, that's what struck me as odd. I mean, he does come off as a petulant pouty child who got told “no“ and is now stomping his feet at the system because he can't direct his displeasure to his bio mom. This is a wee bit different then adoption as well, imo. I think the donor was doing, what I assume he thought, a good deed, needed some spare moolah and instead of donating blood, decided to donate his sperm. I can't justify nor quantify why it's ok to break the rules because some guy “needs to know more“. Why? Is there a life threatening medical emergency that is so rare that the donor can satisfy? Not by the sounds of it. And if a medical emergency was the case, why is he splashing it all over the local media? Don't like this.. it could lead to some very scary precedents.
    Last edited by SweetyPi; 06-26-2009 at 07:01 PM.

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    Well it's different than adoption IMO yes, because with adoption someone carried you in their body for 9ish months, gave birth to you, and gave you away. There are bound to be some 'why's' to that, yk? There is a whole big story there. Sperm donation involves only a physical donation, no relationship with the child at all, no decision, no angst, nothing. Simple donation.

    But all the same it is the genetic source of that person's life...
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    I think when it comes to identity though it doesn't have to be a logical reason. All of us IMO have a need to know ourselves, and while we won't die if we don't know these details and to some people they won't be important, to others they are and that needs to be respected.

    Overall I agree with Myrrah on this one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by myrrah View Post
    Well it's different than adoption IMO yes, because with adoption someone carried you in their body for 9ish months, gave birth to you, and gave you away. There are bound to be some 'why's' to that, yk? There is a whole big story there. Sperm donation involves only a physical donation, no relationship with the child at all, no decision, no angst, nothing. Simple donation.

    But all the same it is the genetic source of that person's life...
    Yeah, I agree with this, there is a difference and also bc there's a lot that could happen in those 9mos that would directly effect a person's development etc. Not so much with the 2min effort the man had to do to make his contribution. Much more likely to need more information in the future with adoption.
    Medical information, fair to ask. Donor identity, I don't really think so.

    Never dealt with this IRL though, so JMO off hand.

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    Can you imagine tho not knowing who you came from and not having the right to find out?
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    Quote Originally Posted by mamabear View Post
    I think when it comes to identity though it doesn't have to be a logical reason. All of us IMO have a need to know ourselves, and while we won't die if we don't know these details and to some people they won't be important, to others they are and that needs to be respected.

    Overall I agree with Myrrah on this one.
    Ya, I get that part... hell I even understand the overwhelming need to know that. But I don't like the way it's being done. Stomping around like a pouty child, instead of advocating like a grown up isn't the way to bring about change. We all know that. I guess I can't understand.. It also comes back to the “my parents lied to me“ thing. If he was adopted, ya I can understand that sentiment. But, by the read of it, it sounds like he had a very caring family life growing up and it wasn't until someone said something did it become a big problem. Maybe it comes back to the whole “what lies you tell your kids“ thing. I'm not saying he doesn't have a right to know who the donor was, maybe even a little background like a past school, or a past job. But divulging a name, location, contact info. Not cool. And breaks the rules of being anon.
    It's not close, but it's similar. Someone on here posts a thread on here confessing an infidelity, are we to demand who it is and then go tattle on them? No, not the same thing, but it's still a nonchalant confession that could produce some nasty results if the anon person is found out. Anonymous sperm donations is done for 2 reason that I can think of. 1 reason is for a male to offer something that a female needs to produce offspring. 2nd reason is so a woman who does not want a man around, but would like a child can do so with no fear of said man walking into their lives, if that's what she chooses to do. I don't see how breaking that anonymity is fair to the man. He did it anonymously for whatever reason. It was agreed to prior to insemination... he needs to take this up with his parents.

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    Yeah, if I didn't know it would be awful. That would definitely bug. Drive me mad. But they gave me life and only asked for anonymity in return. That's a huge gift. Maybe I should take it and be grateful? Talking out my ass of course, as I know who my parents are!

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