I am truly sorry for your loss. My mom passed away when my twins were 3 months old and she never got to see them in person. I've resolved myself to this: I will share the very best stories and pictures of my mom with my girls when they are a bit older. I felt totally lost without my mom, still do. And I encourage you to follow the advice of PP's and seek out help to grieve. I'd have been smart to do that myself. I have no idea where my father is at all so unless my girls can meet their bio-grandparents through DH's parents, we'll have only stories to share. I can only imagine how particularly difficult it is to lose a parent through suicide.

Sending you big hugs of love and hope you can find the strength to heal.