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  1. #1
    Junior Member Holly_D's Avatar
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    Default Dealing with the loss of my Dad

    I have been thinking of this alot latley and I just wanted to type this out and try and get it off my chest.

    On March 5,2008 my father committed suicide. He was only 48 years old. My father and I had some problems in the past but we were starting to work through them. Two weeks before he decided to take his own life he had written me a letter and gave it to my sister to give to me. I didnt know it at the time but looking back now I can see how it was a cry for help. I did call my dad as soon as I read the letter and told him that I was there for him and if he needed anything to let me know. I told him that I loved him and no matter what had gone on between us I would always be there for him. I told him he would always be my daddy and I would always be his little girl. That was the last time I ever spoke to him. Two weeks later my sister called me and said that he had shot himself in the head with one of his hunting guns. I am only 22 years old and to loose your father at any age is traumatic. But I am so young and I can't stop thinking about how my father will not be here to walk me down the aisle, dance with me at my wedding and how he missed the birth of his first grandchild. Two months after my father passed I found out I was pregnant. My SO and I now have a beautiful baby girl who will never get to know her grandfather. I can't get the thought out of my head that maybe if I knew I was pregnant earlier than I did, he wouldn't of killed himself. It would of maybe given him one more thing to live for.

    I miss my Dad so much it hurts. I just wish my daughter could of had her grandfather in her life.
    I never knew what a beautiful sound was ... until I heard my daughter giggle

    Ava Grace January 18, 2009




  2. #2
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    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    I don't have advice, just offering comfort. It's not easy to lose a parent. At the same time it is SO easy to do the “what if“ game, I think it's part of the guilt/grieving process. None of it is remotely your fault, you cannot possibly foresee or prevent something so tragic from happening.

    Is there someone you can talk to, in terms of a therapeutic outlet? I found talking to a professional about the death of my mom really helped me through some things. I still have grieving moments, but it did help to have an objective shoulder to cry on, so to speak.

    Hugs to you.
    "Show me your horse and I will tell you who you are." -- Old English Saying

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    I'm so sorry for your loss ({( Hugs)})

  4. #4
    Zoo
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    I'm sorry for your loss. It can help to talk it out, try Family Service Thames Valley . It's still very recent, and it's not surprising that you are struggling with it.


  5. #5
    Senior Member rosiemunchkins's Avatar
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    I don't know what you are going through so I can only imagine the pain you are caring around. Take comfort in knowing that your father knew you loved him. I'm so sorry for your loss.

  6. #6
    Ana
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    Wow, I am sorry. I think that you have too large a problem here to deal yourself, especially having just become a mother. Do seriously consider contacting the place Zoo posted to get some counselling. Death leaves enough baggage to deal with, but suicide is so much more complicated - as you know. I can hear you trying to find a way to make this “right“ or pinpoint where you should have done whatever and I think that means you need some guidance in getting past this.

  7. #7
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
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    I lost my dad at 16 and my birth dad at 27 its hard I can't imagine how hard it would had they died by suicide.

    There are grief counsellors you can speak too but I also found one thing that really helped me with was writing them letters and then burning them, its only been just over a year so its absolutely normal thats its still so fresh.

  8. #8
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    I know what you're dealing with. Actually, reading your post made me teary. My father also, committed suicide. I was 18 at the time it happened and in my last year in high school. If you need to talk please PM me.
    Catherine
    Mama of 2 wonderful Children,
    July 2006 & January 2008

  9. #9
    Expert Forum User le cupcake's Avatar
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    I am so sorry for your loss. I think talking to someone might really help.

    I lost my dad at 28 and I really miss him. Hugs.
    mama to 3



  10. #10
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    So sorry for your loss. I'm sending hugs your way.
    Used to be momtoJ&T but that was too boring.

  11. #11
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    I'm sorry for your loss (HUGS)


    6 years ago my uncle committed suicide. He slit his wrists. My cousin found him dead in the morning. He had 3 kids, ranging from the age of 24 to 13. My young cousin has had to grow up without a dad. His older brother has stepped in, and tried to be a father figure for him. My oldest cousin, was engaged at the time that he committed suicide. She got married a little over a year after that happen. Her mom walked her down the isle. The reception she had a picture of her dad, and her husband did a little speech about him because she wasn't able to. It was very touching. She has had 2 little girls since than. She has told them about him as much as she can. She has taken them to the cemetery, etc.She has kept his memory alive as much as possible. I know that they all miss him every much and think about him everyday. I don't know if any of this has helped you or not.
    Again I'm really sorry with what your dealing with.



  12. #12
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!

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    Wow, I am so sorry for your loss Holly. Just reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I would recommend some grief counselling or something along those lines. I think it helps to talk about such things. There's also Bereaved families of London (located on Wharncliffe Rd) which offers support groups, etc.

  13. #13
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    I am so sorry for your loss.

  14. #14
    Senior Member kristen's Avatar
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    Oh Holly! I'm soo sorry that you had to go through that. That's a terrible thing for anyone to have to experience. I can't imagine how you must feel....i agree with others. You should seek councelling. I think it would be good for you to talk to someone who knows how to deal with grief.

    *hugs*

  15. #15
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom and Dad when I was 25
    I think talking to someone will help for sure. I'm glad you told your Dad what he meant to you.
    If you need to talk, feel free to pm me.

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