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  1. #1
    Junior Member Holly_D's Avatar
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    Default Suggestions to salvage a friendship

    I have a friend who I "was" very close with. Her and I were inseperable in college. She is a bit older than me so I looked to her like a mother, especially since my mother and I have no relationship at all. My dilema is that she has had several miscarriages. Her and her DH have been trying for years to have a baby. She has gone through so much and now since I had a baby of my own I don't really hear from her anymore. I recently moved and I emailed her my new number and she still hasn't gotten back to me. I wanted her to meet my LO and I have asked her to come over and she has never gotten back to me. I feel bad telling her how happy I am. I just feel so bad for her and I really think that it has taken a huge toll on our relationship. I don't want to loose her as a friend.

    Any suggestions would be appreciated

    Thanks
    I never knew what a beautiful sound was ... until I heard my daughter giggle

    Ava Grace January 18, 2009




  2. #2
    Expert Forum User foximamma's Avatar
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    not that I am in the same situation as your friend.. but I've been TTC for over 2 years.. so I can understand that at times it can be hard. She might just need a little space.. and she might feel guilty that she can't be as happy for you as she should be.. I would.

    I think it's important to let her know that you are still there for her. I'm guessing here.. but I think it would be hard too because naturally you're busier with your new LO.. AND you've moved too.. so she's getting a lot less of your time and attention than she may have received before, and while you don't notice as much bc you're so busy.. she doesn't have anything filling her time. - and infact has more time to think about what she's missing

    Now of course those are all assumptions.. but in the end I would just suggest continuing to reach out to her, let her know that you're there for her. Maybe initially suggest going out for coffee or something without your LO.. ease her into it maybe. She may feel more comfortable.

    Good luck!.. even though she may not be reaching out to you... in this super difficult time, trust me.. she NEEDS you.
    HTH, hang in there she'll come around



  3. #3
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    I understand how happy you are but imagine your happiness and multiply it by a thousand and that is how much pain she has gone through trying to TTC.

    When you are TTC and it does not happen you can go to some very dark places. I found it very frustrating to watch family and friends have babies. Yes, I went to showers, the hospital, home visits but I was resentful that friends did not take the time to make an effort (I did not expect this in the first few months but definitely as the children got older) to go out together without their child. I felt if I took the time to share in their happiness that they could take the time to have an outing that did not always include their child/ren.

    My friends that do not have children or cannot have children I make an effort to “hang out“ with them without my children. If they say they want to see them I keep the visit short and make it so they stop by for 15 minutes before we head out of the house. These friends/family shared in my happiness the best that they could but I try to recognize that they just may not be able to get to that “happy place“ for me.

    You are obviously a great friend because you are trying to figure out ways to salvage the friendship. Try to contact her and see if you can hang out together with only you, perhaps if you get together a few times she will feel more comfortable and will take the lead in asking questions about your little one.

    This is a difficult situation and unfortunately I have seen many friendships grow apart for this very reason. If two friends are at very different points in their lives it can be hard for one person in the friendship to continue the friendship. It doesn't seem fair but your friend may be at the point where she can't handle another friend having a baby, maybe she will come around. As PP mentioned, contact her again and see if she responds.

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