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  1. #1
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    Default Bridal Shower Vent - WWYD???

    So I am the MOH in a wedding in a few weeks. We had the shower a few weeks ago. One of the bridesmaids took over the invite and favor making. So at the END of the shower, she tells the other bridesmaids that the favors and invites cost just over $200!!! There were just under 30 people at the shower.
    So now we are all expected to pay $40 each (5 bridesmaids) for them. This is on top of the food that we each had to make, and a gift.
    I am still shaking my head and can not believe that that much was spent. The favors cost more than my wedding favors for 70 people.
    I haven't paid yet, because we are in different cities, but she keeps on asking for the money. I still can't believe it cost that much money. I don't want to start a fight before the wedding either.

    WWYD?

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    Shouldn't that have all been agreed upon BEFORE the shower??

    My showers were different....there weren't any favours (waste of $ IMO), food I think my aunt did and a few cousins. There were some prizes for games, but probably dollar store candles and soaps.

    It works out to $6.67 per person....is that alot?????
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    I think you may have to pay it if you don't want to look bad. But I think that is a lot of money to spend and I'd let her know that anything else that comes up better be discussed ahead of time!
    Proud mom of 3 wonderful children


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    I'd just pay it. This is about your friend's wedding and if it got back to her, it may upset her. You could also mention to the other bridesmaid that if anything else comes up, please address it first.
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    I've had to throw a few showers over the years and I would have loved to have only paid that expence. I'd pay it and not say a word.

    By the way, I've never heard of giving out favors for this?

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    Quote Originally Posted by ReneesMom View Post
    Shouldn't that have all been agreed upon BEFORE the shower??

    My showers were different....there weren't any favours (waste of $ IMO), food I think my aunt did and a few cousins. There were some prizes for games, but probably dollar store candles and soaps.

    It works out to $6.67 per person....is that alot?????

    THAT is what bothers me! That she never once mentioned how much it would be until AFTER the fact. If I knew it was going to be that much, I would of suggested ways to make it cheaper.

    Quote Originally Posted by tansie View Post
    I'd just pay it. This is about your friend's wedding and if it got back to her, it may upset her. You could also mention to the other bridesmaid that if anything else comes up, please address it first.
    It's my Aunt who is getting married (we're the same age - weird family dynamics...lol). My Mom said the same thing, try not to mention it to her at least until after the wedding. I know she would think it is crazy that they were that expensive. Her friend asked me to give the bride the money because we don't see her that often. I will have to try my absolute best not to make a comment about it then.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandyk View Post
    I've had to throw a few showers over the years and I would have loved to have only paid that expence. I'd pay it and not say a word.

    By the way, I've never heard of giving out favors for this?
    The favors were silly. They were chocolates in handmade boxes. COMPLETLY unneccessary.

    We held the shower in the bride's backyard. We each paid for food for the shower (I also bought a cake), we split on decorations and tables cloths, napkins, etc. And also the gift, so it wasn't at all the only expense!

    Maybe I am just being whiny. lol. Maybe it's just my cheap European upbringing... lol.

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    I would think, if bridesmaids all pulled together for the shower, everyone would have a set task, and NOT ask others to 'chip in', yk? decide together, whats reasonable of everyone and deal with it.
    OR why would she not let you know this in advance, why leave it to dampen the party with the 'oh-by-the-way'?

    Silliness, unneeded.

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    also- are favours common at showers? I've had 6 in total and never had favours (that I can remember at least!)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaisa View Post

    It's my Aunt who is getting married (we're the same age - weird family dynamics...lol).
    One of my Aunts (my Dad's half-sister) is 10 years younger than me and just gave birth to my cousin. My youngest cousin before that just turned 31. So, there are 35 years between my Dad and his youngest Sister!
    One of my Dad's Uncles is the just a few years older than me, which means my Dad's cousin is about 21. So, again age gap of about 45 years between cousins and his Uncle is about 20 years younger than him!
    I know all about weird family dynamics!
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    Quote Originally Posted by tansie View Post
    I'd just pay it. This is about your friend's wedding and if it got back to her, it may upset her. You could also mention to the other bridesmaid that if anything else comes up, please address it first.
    ITA with this

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    Having dealt with something similar I would give her the money. But make it very clear that any other expenses shoud be cleared with the rest of the brial party/ brides maids BEFORE she goes out of ther way.

    If there is still a Bachlorette night you may want to make sure there aren't any other hidden expenses.

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    ok i re read your post again, and you state that the Bridesmaid 'took over' the invites and favor-making, does that mean that as 'jobs' were delegated she thrust her hand up and said 'ill do that' at which point wouldn't that be considered 'her' responsibility financially as a Bridesmaid. OR was it like ok all the bridesmaids are going to do A,B and C and when all is said and done we will split. (which sounds like that didn't happen). From what you said you all split on many other items. You were generous enough to 'donate' the cake. Maybe you could say, thanks anyway, you did a lovely job.-- when my parents renewed their vows 6 years ago my 3 sisters and I threw a party for them (church, dresses, food, etc) when all was said and done the day OF they came up and said O btw your share is $__ I wasn't told of this before. So i said sorry, we just can't do it. I really thought what i'd done already was enough. what can she do. ?

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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsSunshine View Post
    ok i re read your post again, and you state that the Bridesmaid 'took over' the invites and favor-making, does that mean that as 'jobs' were delegated she thrust her hand up and said 'ill do that' at which point wouldn't that be considered 'her' responsibility financially as a Bridesmaid. OR was it like ok all the bridesmaids are going to do A,B and C and when all is said and done we will split. (which sounds like that didn't happen). From what you said you all split on many other items. You were generous enough to 'donate' the cake. Maybe you could say, thanks anyway, you did a lovely job.-- when my parents renewed their vows 6 years ago my 3 sisters and I threw a party for them (church, dresses, food, etc) when all was said and done the day OF they came up and said O btw your share is $__ I wasn't told of this before. So i said sorry, we just can't do it. I really thought what i'd done already was enough. what can she do. ?

    I don't disagree with any of this. But, I do think one of the things she could do is throw a hissy fit and maybe say something to the bride. I just remember the last minute stresses of wedding day approaching, and I really don't think that this is something the bride needs to worry about at this time. JMHO.
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  15. #15
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    Yeah, I'd just pay it and talk smack about her at the reception.


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