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  1. #1
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    Default Today..A bit long..........No its long.....Needed to get it off my chest

    I posted today whether or not your family has keys to your house and what not. I haven't had time to answer my own questions. And Now I am going to try.

    I posted because I got super annoyed at my mother today. She has a key to our house and likes to use it. Even if we are home. If she knocks and we don't come right away, she will just open with her key and come on in. My Dh is pretty opposed to this and has asked me to ask her to stop. One day he was actually in the shower and when he came out he was lucky to have a towel on as my mom has coming outta the kitchen going towards the front door and scared the crap outta him.

    Since that day, I did try and have a conversation with her about just coming in. Then when i went back to work, she helps out with the kids and such and sometimes, it works out good that she has her own key. And when watching the kids, the key is fine.

    However, sometimes she POPS by knocks, and just opens the door and comes right in. She did this today and found out something she TOTALLY didn't want to know. But if she would have called first, or even just waited things would have been fine. The funny thing about today was, she stopped by earlier and told me about something and then said, I would have to go by her place to get it as she wouldn't have time to come by again. And then wham-o their she was.

    Another small thing that she does that drives me bonks is: Reading my calender in my kitchen every dingle time she comes in. And then asks me questions about it. Like what does 120B mean on the 20th and the 28th? I told her it didn't matter to her and she didn't need to know, but she kept pushing at me. So I told her and then she asks WHY?? OMG

    I feel as though I have very little privacy in my own home.
    And my parents and my INLAWS think it is OK for them to wear their friggin shoes in my house. But I can't in theirs. Why can they in mine?? Cause my house isn't as perfectly fricken clean as theirs. Well excuse me for working FT and taking care of a handful of lo's.

    As for my MIL she knocks and slowly quietly creeps the door open. She has no key. FIL likes never comes by and if he does he calls on route.

    My MIL keeps a secret key outside of her house that we can use. She doesn't mind if I just come in. The kids usually beat me to it. DH always knocks at his moms, I think mostly cause her house is more her 2nd dh's house so my DH doesn't feel like its home. IYKWIM?

    Thanks

  2. #2
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    Hopefully if you do sit down with your mom and discuss these concerns she will stop popping by and letting herself into your house. I get that it's convenient for her to have a key but maybe tell her politely that it's not to be used ALL of the time.
    Used to be momtoJ&T but that was too boring.

  3. #3
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    wow, that sucks. I'm sorry. I think you should be honest with your mom, and then have a sign up outside that says "there's no grass in here, please remove your shoes". That's lack of respect hun, plain and simple. My dad had a real problem with me having my own place and he thought it was an extension of their home. I had to tell him that I may be in the middle of something they don't want to see, so please when I'm home, wait for me to answer. Even if they aren't sure, they just knock. Or if I see them coming, I open the door before they get to it. That would be super annoying and I'm surprised it's gone on as long as it has. Stand up doll. You've earned their respect already, they just need to show it.

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    Oh dude I feel sorry for you. I don't know what to say about your mom b/c she is so private about her own life that it surprises me she is like that but I know she is. Oh I have an idea - when you are home maybe start to put the chain on the front door. If you don't have one get T to put one on. If she asks why you did that just say there has been some break-ins in the area and you are more comfortable that way. A pain in the butt I know but may get you through the summer.

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    P.S. I didn't suggest talking to her b/c she helps you out a lot which you guys need with your shift work - Lets not mess up a good thing, lol. I think it would upset her

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    Maybe this is the perfect time to have that conversation!!!!
    The key is if she needs something for the kids while they are in her care. If she is popping over for a chat than she is a guest!!!!!KNOCK!!!! RING the Doorbell like everyone else!!!
    My inlaws have a key and so does my Mom but they have never used them

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cuddlebug View Post
    P.S. I didn't suggest talking to her b/c she helps you out a lot which you guys need with your shift work - Lets not mess up a good thing, lol. I think it would upset her
    I know, but I think I need to do something. Maybe the chain is a good idea or the grass sign.

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    I get she helps with the kids which is nice BUT you are an adult and deserve your privacy as much as she does and you deserve your home to be treated with respect.

    Honestly I would tell her if she entered with out permission once more you would take the key back and tell her out right take your shoes off

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    I agree with Cuddelbug...try the chain. I don't know how young your little ones are but if they are under 5, you can say you are trying to keep them in as opposed to keeping her out. My mom is now at a "sensitive age" not how old she is but everything I say to her she takes offense so I try not to "upset" her because we rely on her. I often bite my tongue to keep the peace.

    The shoe things is just wrong....let them know that you are trying to learn your kids that it is wrong to wear shoes in the house and they can set a good example by doing the same. Or for their next birthday, christmas, mother's day, father's day - buy slippers that they can use at your house!

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    You could always change the locks for some 'security' reason (like you lost your keys...) and take a really long time giving her a copy of the new keys.

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    Had precisely the same issue with my dad. Drove both dh and I nuts! And he's so quiet, so it was always as if he was sneaking in to "catch" us doing something. I'm sure that's not the case but it sure as hell felt like it.

    We took the key back.

    No, really. I said I needed an extra key for someone who was visiting for the weekend (a total lie) and I took the key back, and I have "forgotten" all about it. He hasn't needed it for anything ... and in fact we've made a point recently to NOT have him need it for anything. There's no need for him to be walking in unannounced.

    Truthfully it was a devious way to do it, but it worked for us and we got out of being honest with him. That sounds terrible, I know -- but being honest with my dad means a lot of hurt feelings, grumbling, and feeling sorry for himself, as well as guilt-slinging. I wanted to avoid all that this time around.

    Oh, and my dad doesn't take his shoes off, either. Is he somehow related to your family, lmao?
    "Show me your horse and I will tell you who you are." -- Old English Saying

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    nak


    annoying!
    Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

    ~ Breastfed for 7 months, 2 weeks and 3 days ~

  13. #13
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    dwak

    ditto!


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    I suggest a chain or deadbolt lock to use when you're home, and she can continue to use the key when she's caring for the kids. Sucks you have to lock yourself into your house though, I have to do it if I don't want my father or brother in law to just waltz into the house.

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    None of our family has a key, our neighbour does but he only uses it to let our dogs out for us. Our parents and siblings will knock and then open the door if we are home. At either of our parents we do the same, my sister keeps her door locked so we wait, my SIL lives in an apartment, so we call first and someone waits at the door for us.
    Loving mom to DD '99 and DD '01
    Proud foster mom to #4 and counting




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