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  1. #1
    M2M
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    Red face Young moms, or people who had babies young.

    This could actually go for everybody, so forget the title.

    Do you ever wish you had waited longer before having your children?

    I will put it out there, I love my children, I would never change having them. I do not regret them.

    But I was on facebook last night, looking at pictures and friends profiles, and I always wonder what I am missing out on. I got pregnant at 18, had Markus at 19, and now I am in a live in relationship, with 2 kids.

    Sometimes I wonder what if things were different, I wonder what it would be like to work a job and the pay be for me to use, not go towards food and clothes, and rent for other people (my kids). To be able to pick up and go do the things that young people my age are doing. I didnt get that. I went to college to better myself for my child. I didnt have the whole college experience though. I went I did my work I came home, and did my evening routine, went to bed and did it all the next day. I want to know what falling in love feels like when there is no children involved, Im jealous of couple who had that getting to know eachother and be fully engaged in eachother without having to divide that time up. KWIM? like your there for only eachother theres no one else to worry about except just the 2 of you.

    would I do it all over if I had the chance? No I would keep my life exactly the way it is right now. I love having my children, and I wouldnt trade that in for the world, but sometimes I just wonder what those "normal" experiences for my age would have been like.

    theres no way Im the only one.....

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    I def know where your coming from! I love how my life turned out, going to be a mom of two kids soon. But it does cross my mind of how my life would be if things happened different. My pregnancy was unplanned and it all just kinda took me by surprise. I do wish I could have had more one on one time with my boyfriend before having kids, because children def do have a huge affect on relationships I think. But everything happens for a reason and this is how its suppose to be. I love being a mom and wouldnt change it for anything....but I do have those days wondering what it would be like.

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    i hear you loud and clear Alicia.

    I was the same.. pregnant at 18, had my first at 19. Then two years later came another one.. 17mths later.. another lol

    Yeah. I wonder too.

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    I guess we all wonder. I did wait until I was older before having my kids, 33 with my first, 35 with my second and I'll be 37 with my third. I wonder if I should have had them younger, would I be a little less achy and sore, I wouldn't worry about being too old as they grow up (worry because my mom was my age when I was born but she is very physically unfit and I don't want to be like that for my grand kids).

    For me though I do wonder sometimes (usually when I'm sore like now) I think I made the right decision for me and I love my life the way it is.
    Mommy to three adorable kids!

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    Yes, I've been going through this a lot lately. I was newly married when I found out I was pregnant with DD (I was 22). Things are fine, but it's the little things I've missed out on like going clothes shopping, having a few drinks, going away spontaneously for the weekend.

    I finished college while I was on mat leave, so I understand the lack of the college experience too. I'm on vacation this week, and it sure doesn't feel like vacation too me.

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    I guess everyone has things they would like to be different in their past and present. It isn't always the stuff other people can see too.
    dh and I married young and had many struggles conceiving of the years. When we had "given up", we found out we were pregnant with ds#1. How great! We also have ds#2 now. They are both alot of work and a huge source of joy in our lives.
    If I could choose to have done it differently, I definitely would have had the babies younger. I turn 40 this year and would like to have a third baby, but don't feel it is the right time just yet with how challenging our eldest's personality is, but don't feel like I can diddle around and wait a few years!

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    wow creepy! DH and I were JUST talking about this over our morning coffees this morning.. he asked me if i could change one thing what would it be... and i said that I thought it woul dbe having ds later.

    EXACTLY like you said, I LOVE my life, wouldn't change it.. but yea I can't help but wonder what life would have been like.

    I had JUST gotten my own apartment, was SO proud to be living on my own, doing it all myself, I had just gotten promoted to a very exciting position... DH and I had secretly been in love with eachother for 4 years, we had finally gotten together and 7 months later I was preg. So yea, I wish I could have gotten just a bit more 'us' time..or to even know how our relationship would have naturally progressed without lil ds speeding it up for us.
    You know the whole "I want you to move in with me" type thing.. clearly that choice was made for us lol

    It was so amazing just being able to get up and go and do something just us.. I remember last minute deciding to drive up to grand bend one night after work, and we just slept on the beach.. cant do that with kiddos!!

    it's hard for DH to understand because he's 8 yrs older, so he had the chance to have a lot more 'him' time.
    Last edited by foximamma; 03-19-2009 at 11:55 AM.



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    I think as a young mom of course watching your friends live the "young" life it can be difficult. I had a year of being youn g before my babes and honestly that was more then enough. I wasted soooo much money on going out and new outfits that I never wore etc. Now I just think my friends are all wasting money out all the time and building up huge loans dilly dallying in school and their going to be paying that off trying to start a family etc and my kids will be old enough for me and my partner to go away without them and take chances etc.

    Thats my spin anyways

    IMHO freedom is wasted on those without kids
    ...and in that moment I swear we were infinite.

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    This consumes me right now...my hubby and i married and had children young(married and had kids just before turning 20)...we both have highschool diploma's but not college/university...i've always been mainly a stay at home mom....and now that he's left us(9 yrs together), i'm suddenly a single mom with NO IDEA WHAT THE HECK TO DO....
    So yeah, i have definitely been thinking a LOT about this lately...i love my girls like CRAZY, but what if what if what if...

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    I wouldnt change having my kids I was 23 when I had my first then 25 and 26. The only thing is I wish that my current hubby was the father not the dead beat they had

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    Just keep in mind, you don't have to be young to go to school, go on trips, experience stuff. Soon enough your kids will be old enough to stay at a friend's or relatives' for a weekend, glad for the change and novelty, and you could go on a getaway then. Or you can go back to school, when they're in school, etc. Those things don't have to be young,kwim?

    Besides....believe me, some of it is not what it's cracked up t obe.
    I had my first at 22, so not terribly young, but I did all that uni stuff first, blah, nothing to write home about.Saw some pretty architecture, a few thought provoking discussions, maybe a good concert here and there. A few poetry readings. That's about all I take away from it.

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    OK I def, have those days. Like a couple months ago I'm sure you all remeber my thread about my personal hell and yeah right then life would have been a thousand times simpler if there were no kids. But for some reason I'm seeing the upside to everything today (blame it on recent weather)

    Quote Originally Posted by scrappymom View Post
    This consumes me right now...my hubby and i married and had children young(married and had kids just before turning 20)...we both have highschool diploma's but not college/university...i've always been mainly a stay at home mom....and now that he's left us(9 yrs together), i'm suddenly a single mom with NO IDEA WHAT THE HECK TO DO....
    So yeah, i have definitely been thinking a LOT about this lately...i love my girls like CRAZY, but what if what if what if...

    Ok (not picking on you scrappy you were just the last person to post) but would life honestly be better if you were 60 with two grown kids that you couldn't completly busy yourself with and you'd always been home and always been w dh and then he leaves. Likely not. Age isn't as important as we klet it be. All the oppurtunities are still there for us and maybe (hopefully) we have a little more maturity to pick better then we would of if we hadnt had kids young.

    Not sure if that makes complete sence will be back to reread in a sec.
    ...and in that moment I swear we were infinite.

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    i know everyone in my family wishes i had waited, but I especially wanted kids badly (dh also wanted to wait a little awhile) NOW im glad i had them young. We will still be young enough to enjoy our lives once they leave home. (there are only days i wish i could change HOW i raised them).

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    no worries stepher...
    Well i just think that if i had been more focused and made it through college and not been so eager to have a family etc...i would at least not feel so useless right now...I still have a kiddo who isn't in school fulltime so i need to try to find some part time job that will let me have different shifts each week so i can still be home with her...for at least another YEAR....and then when she is in school full time like her sister i'm just not sure how i am supposed to juggle being a mom, going to school and working, paying bills, etc...it scares the HELLoooo out of me!

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    Well I didn't have my first til 26, not exactly young, but I definitely know what you mean. I think about doors closed for sure. I had such unrealistic expectations of what having a child would be like, like I knew her father wanted to stay here in London for all eternity but I thought by about age 5 I could live in Toronto and we could send her back and forth on the Greyhound - LMAO!!!! And I haven't travelled, I could be going to a super cool lefty university, I could do all kinds of things.

    Oh well!!!

    I do love having kids. And the grass is always greener and alla that. Too bad we don't live in youth with great energy for a zillion years so we can get everything done.
    LondonMoms has really gone downhill, ever since they started chit chatting in the home and garden forum. There is a place for chit chat, people!!!

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