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  1. #1
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    Default Child Support (long)

    ok, so here it goes!
    DH has a 7 year old DD. I love her as if she's my own child, I've known her since she was born and we're pretty close.
    DH pays child support for her every month.. which is fine with me, she is his responsibility afterall.
    The problem I have with it is how the money is spent. I happen to know for a fact that his DD does not see a dime of it. Her mother has never worked a day in her life and has always had everything handed to her on a silver platter.
    When M asks for something she always gets the answer "I don't have any money".. this even happened one time when she asked to go on a school trip. How sad is that?
    M has even told me that her Mom took her tooth fairy money so that she could buy herself a tea. She stole money from her to get her nails done. WTH??????? Who does that? Especially to a 7 year old! when M was a lot younger her mom was really into going out to the bars and partying, so she spend the support money on "bar clothes" and alcohol.
    It bothers me that there isn't a way to regulate how child support money is spent. we asked a lawyer about it. We asked him if we could buy her clothing and pay for extra curricular activities (gymnastics etc.) and then just provide receipts. Unfortunately you just can't do that.
    It drives me insane! especially knowing that sometimes we barely scrape by to pay our bills and she's just throwing our money away like that. In my opinion child support should go to the child in some way or another- even if she puts some of the money away for her education. That's what I would do with it if it were me anyway...

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  2. #2
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    Child support supports the household, period. It adds to the household income. Do you think children need hundreds of dollars per month for shoes, clothing, etc? They do not. They need a good roof over their heads, they need parents who don't work a zillion jobs or feel severely emotionally stressed by finances, and they need the other things that come with having a household with a decent income. It is not for diapers, it is to add to the income of the household in which the child primarily lives. And mothers sometimes get their nails done.

  3. #3
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    I would have to agree that it's for the household income. I was raised on child support and didn't actually see any of the money myself but I did have a roof over my head and food on the table every night. I played sports and went on school trips too. It's unfortunate that your DH ex spends the money in a bad way. Have you tied talking to her about it? Or is that out of the question?
    Used to be momtoJ&T but that was too boring.

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    if she has a roof,food and clothing then yes CS is being spent on her

    like myrahh said CS is to add to the household income, kids dont need 50$ shirts.

    BTW as for not having money for school trips there is no law against shooting the school 20$ to cover the trips as they arise and mom may have other reasons for her not going.

    I do not allow on field trips if they are certain places or topics or if she has been out of control.

    what I am suggesting is if the child says "mom says " you need to also to talk to mom

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    Child support pays for the roof over her head, the clothes on her back and the food in her belly period.

    Mom could also ask for extra child support for things like daycare, school trips, extra-curricular activites and any other expenses above and beyond the basics.

    I hope that your partner is also putting away money for the future for his dd in addition to the child support.
    Leslie




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    ITA with myrrah.

    And as for taking toothfairy money and stuff, well, if it truly is for frivolous things, your step daughter will remember this when she gets older, and there will be resentment towards mom probably. I know I resent certain childhood circumstances....

    If you find out that the ex isn't going to pay for a school trip, you guys could always foot the bill for that too - then she would get to go.

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    Quote Originally Posted by myrrah View Post
    Child support supports the household, period. It adds to the household income. Do you think children need hundreds of dollars per month for shoes, clothing, etc? They do not. They need a good roof over their heads, they need parents who don't work a zillion jobs or feel severely emotionally stressed by finances, and they need the other things that come with having a household with a decent income. It is not for diapers, it is to add to the income of the household in which the child primarily lives. And mothers sometimes get their nails done.
    I tried to rep you for this, but i must spread it around first. But heres some love for you anyways .

    I totally agree.

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    ok PP, but what about stealing tooth fairy money for a tea? totally wrong and unacceptable. THAT money is the child's.
    As for the other, I agree with PP, but I still can understand your frustrations OP.

  9. #9
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    I can see where you're coming from. You'd like to know where the child support money is going to. I agree that it is for rent/mortgage and food etc. But the mother should be contributing to the household too. Unless your dd's mother has other smaller children she should be doing something to bring inmoney as well.
    Proud mom of 3 wonderful children


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    Quote Originally Posted by newmum2 View Post
    ok PP, but what about stealing tooth fairy money for a tea? totally wrong and unacceptable. THAT money is the child's.
    As for the other, I agree with PP, but I still can understand your frustrations OP.

    I don't really think that we could know the whole truth though! Maybe mom was looking for a toonie as she went out the door and grabbed it. Do we know for sure it was never given back, did mom just forget etc. Sounds like something I would do by mistake! haha!
    Leslie




  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by newmum2 View Post
    ok PP, but what about stealing tooth fairy money for a tea? totally wrong and unacceptable. THAT money is the child's.
    As for the other, I agree with PP, but I still can understand your frustrations OP.
    I've grabbed a loonie off my kids bedside table on more than one occasion to pick up a coffee, or even to send money for a hot lunch.... I usually pay them back, but I'm sure I have forgot now and then....

    ITA with the PP on this one in that the money goes to the household and she has a right to spend it how she sees fit....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Leslie View Post
    I don't really think that we could know the whole truth though! Maybe mom was looking for a toonie as she went out the door and grabbed it. Do we know for sure it was never given back, did mom just forget etc. Sounds like something I would do by mistake! haha!
    perhaps, it just sound shady and the fact the girl said her mom "took" the tooth fairy money. It sounds a bit different than can I borrow this so I can have my oh so important tea and I'll pay you right back, kind of thing, yk? seems like the girl had not yet been paid back?
    who really knows

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    I have to agree that CS is used to help pay for housing/ food/ clothing etc. As for extra curricular activities we split them with DH's ex. If she can't afford it then we pay for them if we can. If there are school trips coming up that your SD would like to go on but her mom can't afford it there is nothing wrong with you guys paying for it. My way of looking at it is if my SD was with us full time we would be paying the full cost for activities etc. So why wouldn't we pay/help out when we can when she's not with us. I don't think a child should have to pay for their parents not being together. Not that I think they need to do/be in everything either. But with in reason they should be able to do the same things as if they were your full time child.

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    Quote Originally Posted by newmum2 View Post
    perhaps, it just sound shady and the fact the girl said her mom "took" the tooth fairy money. It sounds a bit different than can I borrow this so I can have my oh so important tea and I'll pay you right back, kind of thing, yk? seems like the girl had not yet been paid back?
    who really knows
    ok though how do we know mom did not say can I take this?

    I know from having an 8 yr old you have to ask for the whole story. kids come up with there own ideas but they do have a huge tendency of shortening the facts and leaving stuff out

    I know I have borrowed money from D and then paid her back but not by cash but something she asks for in a store even though I will out right say yeah no problem we can take it from your allowance what I owe you etc even at 8 she wont necessarily put the 2 together.

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    I borrow money off my 5 year old a lot. Sad but true. LMAO! People are human, and if the mama truly had to steal a toonie off her child for a tea, well that contradicts the story that she is rolling in cash.

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