Results 1 to 9 of 9
  1. #1
    Senior Member candies_61's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    south central london
    Posts
    1,765
    Rep Power
    94

    Default Dating a single dad-how to transition...?

    Hey ladies.

    Looking for a bit of insight or advice here.

    I’m currently dating a man who has a 7 year old child (and sole custody of). We have introduced the kiddos to each other and have (all) spent a considerable amount of time together. Things were going great, however, recently there have been some issues observed which leads me to think this will be tougher than I thought. The jealousy and aggression in both of them as well as the tattle-tailing has been driving me bonkers. I know that there is no real easy way to fuse 2 separate families, but we started on such a wonderful path! I love both of them but think this needs to be addressed before you move forward... how do i deal?

    I have also noticed the stress has affected the ‘grown up’ relationship and wondering if you had any advice in dealing with that as well (other than typical date nights)

    I would love to hear of any resources or books that have helped you if you’ve been through something similar…

    Thanks!

  2. #2
    Banned

    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Stratford
    Posts
    8,217
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    What are you wondering? DH and I met when he had a 4 year old and one on the way.

  3. #3
    Senior Member candies_61's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    south central london
    Posts
    1,765
    Rep Power
    94

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaisa View Post
    What are you wondering? DH and I met when he had a 4 year old and one on the way.

    I was wondering if there were any techniques or resources readily available to make the transition into 'couplehood' less tramatic for all involved...

    I have never dated with a child, and have never dated someone else with a child. I'm so new to the game and just want to know it is 'normal' to experience issues.



    did you have your own child when you met DH?

  4. #4
    Banned

    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Stratford
    Posts
    8,217
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    I didn't/don't have any of my own yet, so I can't help too much in that part!

    I ALWAYS tell people that being a step-parent is the hardest job on the planet!

    I am not sure what resources there are in London, I know they have a some places in Stratford that have resources for divorced/blended families. I am SURE there is places in London that have the same!

    Do you each have just one?

  5. #5
    Senior Member candies_61's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    south central london
    Posts
    1,765
    Rep Power
    94

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaisa View Post
    Do you each have just one?

    we both have just one- but 5 years age difference... kinda a tough situation!

  6. #6
    Banned

    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Stratford
    Posts
    8,217
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Its probably the age difference plus the transition into having a sibling!
    How long has it been?

  7. #7
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
    Ingalls's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    london
    Posts
    22,762
    Rep Power
    1248

    Default

    I'm not single but tend to read most new posts before I look to see what category it's in So since I read anyway, here's a question / thought for you.

    If they're five years apart, is it really because of you/child and him/child that is the problem, or is it maybe typical 'new kid in the family' behaviour? If you introduce a baby, for example, or an adopted sibling -- many experience resentment, competitiveness, jealousy, etc.
    I was just thinking if they're lashing out at each OTHER b ut not at the parents, maybe you could read some stuff on sibling rivalry and get some ideas from there. Might be easier to come by than blended families info, although googling that or Amazon.ca-ing it might help too.

    Good luck with your transition and relationship!
    DD1 age 7 DS age 11
    "I will remember you." July/10
    Baby Elaina born October 28th, 2011. Making every single day that much more special.
    INTERESTED IN BUYING DVDS OF OLD KIDS' SHOWS. Mr.Rogers', Mr.Dressup, Polka Dot Door, etc

  8. #8
    Expert Forum User
    hockeymomof3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Sarnia
    Posts
    9,045
    Rep Power
    555

    Default

    I have been in the same situation. I have 3 children, my BF has one step son. My oldest and his step son are the same age. They children got along great when we first introduced the children. That was November 2008. We since have moved into my BF house and his step son has been having issues. I found a great book about blended families and it is WONDERFUL, it goes through all situations. You BF's son could be testing you guys, even though there is no way his parents will get back together, he will try to "get rid of you" in order to get his parents back together.

    I let my children know from the beginning, that their behaviour only gets them into trouble. My BF's step son won't even be in the same room as my 8 year old daughter, because she tattles on him and gets him in trouble, even though he is doing stuff he knows we do not allow!!

    I will find that book, and give you the name of it.

  9. #9
    Expert Forum User
    hockeymomof3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Sarnia
    Posts
    9,045
    Rep Power
    555

    Default

    Ok found the book, it is Remarried with Children, by Barbara LeBey.

    It is 10 secrets for successfully blending and extending your family, and very good!! I bought it, and it was $16, but I am sure the library has it in stock!!

Similar Threads

  1. Single Moms..Did you choose to be single??
    By Stepher in forum Single Parenting
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 11-29-2011, 09:53 PM
  2. Transition out of crib
    By ChinUp in forum Wonderful 1's
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 04-08-2008, 10:18 PM
  3. the transition
    By ~Erica~ in forum Newborns - The First Year
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 01-25-2007, 02:20 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •