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Thread: Mommy Friends

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    Default Mommy Friends

    I started a topic in "Gathering" asking if mom's would be interested in joining a Mommy Club. A few postings I've read recently was one about a mom hosting Monday afternoons at local malls for mom's to meet and some comments from others about the difficulty meeting and making friends.

    What's constitutes a Mommy Friend? Does it relate more to mom's that are new to London or to a mom wanting friends who have children or both or does it simply mean establishing friends for your children to play with?

    How has our lives/outlooks changed since having kids? Are we the same as before kids or different? Has your values for friendship changed at all?

    In your opinion, what are you looking for in a mommy friend?

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    I've moved around a fair bit in the last few years so I've had several opportunities to meet some great people... The friends that I now have are mostly older than me (one is the same age) and we all have children around the same age - which was a coincidence after discovering that we had similar interests. I've never looked for a certain type of person to target being friends with - I usually meet people "randomly".

    I haven't gone to the mommy club at the mall because my children are too old for a stroller. I can see it as a great opportunity though if you have very young children and you're going to wandering the malls anyway during the winter months.

    I don't think that purposefully establishing a 'friendship' with someone just because their children are the same age as yours works out - what are you going to talk about while your kids are playing? For example... I met a woman when my son was about 2 at a library story time. She was 40 (I was 26 at the time) but our kids were the same age. We had a few playdates, but it seemed that we really had nothing in common. She'd been married for a while but chose to travel the world (literally) and work before having a family. She and her husband had a nice house, he had a good job etc and she was also really wanting another, but was having problems TTC. DH and I lived in a tiny apartment and just weren't in the same 'social circle', so to speak. When I showed up pregnant one day, she stopped calling me.
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    (note to self - don't hit submit, stop, edit and submit again...)
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    I've always used the term "mommy freind" in a negative way. But I think this is just b/c of my expereince three years ago with my mat leave in Vancover. Depsite joining library groups, mom and baby yoga and attending the health unit baby group religiosly, I didn't have anybody to talk to or hang out with during the day when I was home with baby that I truly liked and clicked with. I had some "mommy friends" where the only thing we had in common were children the same age and once our mat leaves were over we never spoke again.

    Now I am lucky enough to be srrounded and embraced by several freinds who I truly mesh with who also happen to be mommies which is just an added bonus

    I think I have changed as a person since becoming a momy, but I have also made a cenceted effort to reamin tight with my friends who are single and have no kids. I had betwene 10 and 30 years of history with these people and I am not going to ditch them b/c of 3000 km and two kids seprate us!
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    Quote Originally Posted by momoelliot
    I've always used the term "mommy freind" in a negative way.
    I would agree. It implies that you're friends only because you're both mommies.
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    Quote Originally Posted by MaryRPN
    Quote Originally Posted by momoelliot
    I've always used the term "mommy freind" in a negative way.
    I would agree. It implies that you're friends only because you're both mommies.

    Yeah, I hate the label "mommy friend" too. I find it kind of creepy, actually. I don't know why, but I do.

    I agree with Mary that purposively sought out friendships rarely work out. All of my good friendships have developed spontaneously and naturally. I've made a few new friends through my various mom and baby activities but our friendship is not based on our shared status as mothers. After finding ourselves hanging around for increasingly long periods of time after mom and baby yoga class, chatting about everything under the sun, we decided it was time to get together outside of class to have a proper gab-fest!

    I must admit that I resist new friendships. I don't really like many people. Funny thing is, that's true of my new "mommy friends" (who would shudder if they knew I called them that!)

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    I haven't gone to the mall because A) I can't drive, and B) I don't want to subject you all to the horror that is Serena at a mall. Eee.

    All I'd really like are friends that *are* mommies. I don't really care how old the kids are, although close in age to mine would be a kick ass plus. It would also be nice if we had similar parenting styles, or are both equally able to bite our tongues, lol.

    Last year I sat with a bunch of people close to my age and we discussed plans for tax returns. They were buying gaming systems, paintball guns, i-pods, small vacations all kinds of fun un-attached un-kid things. We? were buying carpet.




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    When I was on my mat leave I was hunting for 'mommy friends' but that didn't work out. One girl and I ended up spending time together once a week or so and that was it. However, that was in Burlington/Hamilton area. It's much harder to meet people there.

    Now...if I'd had my mat leave in London I would have had a blast. It's sooo much easier to meet people here and have many friends already.

    I too don't like the term 'mommy friend' though. I think it implies that you're friends but only on a temporary basis. You get together, hang out, but then you never feel comfortable enough to just pick up the phone and chat if you need to. I think that the 'mommy friend' is just a distraction for the day and not really something that will turn into a long-term friendship. Just my opinion though.

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    While I can see evryone's point about the term "mommy friend" I have to say that i am not all together against the general concept. Yes it may have it's limitation, but I think it can be a great starting point to building those more personal friendships. Kinda like somewher to meet people. For example, DH meets guys at work ... and some have become friends. I have met people on here, but find it a bit less personal since I am typing a response back to a screen ... kwim? I think "mommy friends" would almost be like a starting ground the way coworkers are a starting point ... especially if you are not from the city or do not already have a network of friends surrounding you locally.

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    I found that once I had the kids, a lot of things changed, including friendships. Especially with friends that don't have kids, or theirs are a lot older.

    Since London Moms, through organizing Moms Night Outs, Playdates, Picnics, I have met a LOT of "Moms" - but many have turned into true friendships. And that's because of common interests, including interests beyond the kids. And a lot of these friends don't have kids the same age as mine.

    I kind of think the term "Mommy Friend" relates to a friendship that's based on the children, which has it's own place but is different compared to a "true Friend".

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    I find it hard to stay in contact with friends that don't have kids. They don't seem to understand that I can't just get up and go anymore. I have met 3 great mommies here and I wouldn't change it for the world. Except, I would like to spend more time with them and once Cindy sells her house I am sure we will. I love that they call me for things like lost bottles, Shar and to talk about what to wear or what we bought (Charmaine) I feel I have been waiting my life for these woman and yes they are women and mommies, but I love who they are. I feel I would be friends with them if we didn't have kids and I think that is important.

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    I find it very difficult to meet people that can relate to DH and I. We have a couple close friends that are in the city, but they are our parents age. DH co-workers from the school he was teaching at. I have co-workers that I really get along with, however they all live in Tillsonburg or Ingersol. Our other really close friends moved to Ottawa last year and we just don't get out places to meet people.

    I have gone to Well Baby clinics and have chatted with a lot of mommies on here, have met with one other mom at one of the well baby clinics and walked through the mall chatting up a storm. I have gone to Strollers and Stars (at both theatres). I still find it difficult to go up to someone to start up a conversations, especially if they are with someone else.

    Personally I would love to have a place that I could meet other people, I think it's just a bonus that they are moms too.

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    Default mommy friend

    Thank you for all your comments so far ...

    To clarify what I termed mommy friend is a stay-at-home mom who has her kids with her all the time. How many of you can visit a single friend or friend with no kids with your own kids in tow? If you have older kids, it may not be too bad but with small curious minds, it's more challenging for you and for them.

    We all have friends here and there. Some have work friends, some have church friends, some have school friends. What's so bad about a mommy friend? In all these friendships, very few if any are kindred spirits. Each offer their own interest or value.

    There is a saying about friendships, "some friends come and go while others leave footprints". So if I'm friendly with a mommy because are kids enjoy each other's company, what's the big deal? We don't have to always be "best friends" with people to have them as friends.

    I too don't like the term 'mommy friend' though. I think it implies that you're friends but only on a temporary basis. You get together, hang out, but then you never feel comfortable enough to just pick up the phone and chat if you need to. I think that the 'mommy friend' is just a distraction for the day and not really something that will turn into a long-term friendship.

    I guess this would apply to mom's that we meet at the free playgroups. You get together, hang out but never get comfortable with each other. When your mommy friendship is based in a non-personal environment, the latter could be true. Once you invite this person to your home and vice versa, the comfort level increases and picking up the phone is alot easier.

    I don't think that purposefully establishing a 'friendship' with someone just because their children are the same age as yours works out - what are you going to talk about while your kids are playing? How things are going? What activities are they doing? Seen any good movies, read any good books etc. There are lot's of topics to talk about.

    I'm friends with a group of mom's that I met through a registered program. All of the mom's except me have only one child who is the same age as my DD. I value their friendship but find it limiting at times when I talk or want to talk about my older child and what they are doing. It's not a bad thing, to establish a friendship with someone based on age. It's nice to have someone to talk to about what your child is doing at their stage in life. It's also nice to get together and go out to activities together with children similar in ages. I have 2 kids, one is 2 the other is 3.5. Sometimes, I can meet up with mommy friends with the two kids but other times it's nice to take them one at a time.

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    Default mommy friends

    Quote Originally Posted by MaryRPN
    I've moved around a fair bit in the last few years so I've had several opportunities to meet some great people... The friends that I now have are mostly older than me (one is the same age) and we all have children around the same age - which was a coincidence after discovering that we had similar interests.
    To clarify your friendship based on similar interests ... I'm curious to what interests they might be (example)? Do you hang out together with your kids or without? Would you still be friends if you had kids and they didn't?

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    Default friends

    In your opinion, what are you looking for in a mommy friend?

    When you attend free playgroups, are you there to make friends or to have somewhere to hang out with people for awhile?

    Do you strike up conversations with other mom's or do you wait for them to talk to you?

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