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Thread: Constant comparisons, keeping score, etc

  1. #1
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    Default Constant comparisons, keeping score, etc

    Do your kids do this? I can't stand it! My eight year old is horrible for it. She constantly guilts me about stuff, tells me i owe her time just me and her
    because i helped ds with homework or I worked on reading with younger dd or something. If I send them to their rooms to play separately for a while because
    they won't stop fighting, to me it's a sort of time out, cool off, reset, y'know? She'll accuse me of wanting time without her, not liking her, etc.
    I am taking the oldest to a free movie this week, and I know I'll hear it from her: When are you taking me? I want it JUSt me, not me and another kid. What day?
    What movie?
    Meanwhile we've always done 'one on one' this way, where it is one kid at a time and it could be weeks or months before the next. It is nothing new. And we always
    come through for the other kid/s.
    Just now I got told I'm no fair and that I 'owe her time' because I've been working downstairs, organizing a closet. It is mostly xmas gifts, so I told the kids nobody can
    come downstairs because it's mostly xmas gifts and I'm organizing them to make room for other stuff,and to get our xmas ornaments OUT of the closet. So she says
    "You owe me some time just us, and you owe us time all of us, because you've ignored us all day." Oh really? I've made your lunch, I've referred fights, I set you
    up with paints and paper, I cleaned all the dog poops so you could go outside and play on the tramopoline, I read a book with you. I mean, I HAVE to work sometimes kid.

    Is she just extra touchy, or are other kids this way?
    It drives me nuts. I HATE feeling guilty if I do somethign with one and not another. I get it ALL the time if she hears I took the four year old to the library, or
    played school with her, or we went on a playdate. I've explained to her over and over and over that she did these things when she was the one home too and her
    brother was at school. That she gets to see her friends, go to library at school, etc and youngest says nothing. I've made efforts to take her to the library in the evening,
    or have some playdates for her, and it just makes it worse almost, like she thinks hmm I got this now I want MORE.

    Ugh. Sorry. I'm just so beaten by this kid's attitude some days.I love her, but I don't understand her.
    DD1 age 7 DS age 11
    "I will remember you." July/10
    Baby Elaina born October 28th, 2011. Making every single day that much more special.
    INTERESTED IN BUYING DVDS OF OLD KIDS' SHOWS. Mr.Rogers', Mr.Dressup, Polka Dot Door, etc

  2. #2
    Senior Member just ducky's Avatar
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    My response is "life isn't fair". I also take the approach of what do you "NEED". Does she need you to work on her reading with her too? Does she need you to find her some homework? What does she need instead of want.

    One example I remember: One DD complained that her sister got a bigger piece of cake, my reply was do you NEED more. If you are still hungery I can get you something else and proceeded to list other options. Her eyes became quite big with surprise and she didn't actually need anymore. She never complained about portion size again.

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    Middle child syndrome...
    BabyLove likes this.

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    I have an 8 year old just like yours. I feel the same way and completely understand.

    I try to give her a good 45m as just me and her time each day, and the same for my 4 year old. I find it exhausting at times and just keep thinking that this is a phase that will pass... and just wonder if there is anything that I can do to make it pass quicker, LOL. I do explain to her how her words make me feel as sometimes she can be quite nasty when she's not getting her way.
    Married 2005. DD1 2007. DD2 2011. Beta Sigma Phi 2013.
    ... and one cute little kitty!


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    DD is the same here too - she is 10 and it feels like it has been going on forever. I'm just really glad others are having the same issues - just ducky - I'm going to try some of your responses as it gets exhausting constantly hearing about fairness when we have always tried to be equal.

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    https://www.pinterest.com/pin/544372673682425469/

    I have the same issue with my 10 year old -- I am trying to get the point across that equal and fair are not the same thing. My youngest, who is 5, seems to get it. But the 10 year old is stubborn and strong willed and really doesn't even listen when I sit down to try to explain it to her. Actually, this reminded me to print off one of those posters from Pinterest and put it on the fridge....

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    Talk to her peacefully.
    Could you help me to choose a wedding dress on http://www.promhope.com
    I want to buy one online

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    Obviously i've tried talking to her peacefully.
    I've tried talking to her about it when she's not upset, not in the heat of the moment, and it still seems to be her knee jerk reaction to things. It worries me because i don't want her going through life always feeling like she's getting ripped off or always feeling like she's disatisfied with things in her life.
    DD1 age 7 DS age 11
    "I will remember you." July/10
    Baby Elaina born October 28th, 2011. Making every single day that much more special.
    INTERESTED IN BUYING DVDS OF OLD KIDS' SHOWS. Mr.Rogers', Mr.Dressup, Polka Dot Door, etc

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    My 7 year old is like that. Drives me bat crazy.

    Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

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