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Thread: Teenagers and parties.......

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    Default Teenagers and parties.......

    My oldest turns 17 today and I have given him permission to have a party on a piece of property we own in the country - it's actually in the city, but would be a long hike if say someone wanted to walk to public transportation.

    I haven't put a limit on the amount of kids he can invite, but there is tons of room so numbers shouldn't be an issue.
    All he wants me to do for this party is provide some pop and snacks and vamoose....

    I have decided that what I'm going to do is hang out at the property (inside) during the party in case of emergencies and if things get out of hand.

    I have a couple of concerns and thought I would come here and ask what you all thought....

    First - I want to put a sign at the end of the driveway warning against drinking and driving, this concerns me because I know there will be drinking at the party and not one of these kids will be able to just walk home.

    Second - I want to put a time limit on it, but I go to bed at 10pm, so I don't know whats reasonable for a bunch of teenagers on Friday night, I'm thinking by 2am latest... my own kid has no set curfew, when he has to come home is based on where, what, who and when.

    Lastly - there is no washroom outside, no porta-potty or anything and I am not going to be letting any kids into the building (which I don't own)... kid seems to think it will be fine, but as a woman, I know the girls are not going to be happy.

    Now I'm wondering what I let myself get talked into.....

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    I'm pretty sure that if someone leaves your party and is caught driving drunk, or causes an accident, anything like that, that you can be charged, too. You might want to look into the legalities of that.
    And there's the insurance worry, because if someone gets hurt on your property, are you insured to have people there?
    My mom used to let my brother have huge parties on the farm we rented when I was growing up. Girls were allowed into the house to use the washroom. I'm sure it made him hugely popular, but cleaning up the morning after, I really lost a lot of respect for his friends and made some big decisions about what kind of teen i'd be when I was that age! Hell even just the girls who came in to use our washroom did gross stuff. Put their cigarrattes out in our bar of soap, for example. . . . I guess my point is, I hope you know what you're getting into. If you have no limit on who can come, it can get out of hand FAST.
    Then too there's the worry , what if a fight breaks out, or what if too many show up, how do you put a stop to it? Parking -- is there lots or will it be presenting a danger to have a lot of teens trying to find their vehicles in the dark, along a road, while drunk?

    Good luck. If it were way out in the boonies I think you'd have better luck
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    No bathroom? People gonna pee in all the bushes as long as that's ok.

    Personally, I'm not there yet with my kids ages but I would be crossing my fingers for rain. GOOD LUCK
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    I am not providing any alcohol - not to my child, not to any of the party goers... I also will not be drinking.
    I am concerned about the possibility of drinking and driving which is why I thought a sign at the driveway saying something like "Don't drink and drive. If you have been drinking tonight a ride can be provided for you." or something like that - I have already resigned myself to having to drive kids home afterwards.

    Yes, we are insured on the property and have had lots and lots of big parties there over the years.

    I'm not very concerned about too many people - it really is a huge property, and I've already said, things get out of hand - fights etc, and people won't leave then I will call the police and the party will be over.

    I don't like the idea of everyone peeing outside, but it is a big enough property that it won't make any difference... There used to be an outhouse, but it got burnt down at one of my collage parties...

    Lots of parking and the property is pretty well lit.

    I'm kinda hoping for rain and kinda not - he's a good kid and he's been struggling socially lately, I'd like to see him have a good time.
    Last edited by gogomom; 06-12-2015 at 02:49 PM.

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    If this is what you're considering, I'd ensure I was up to date on legal implications. In addition, you may want to arrange to have a set of tents pitched for those who decide not to drive home...and you may want to make all car keys the admission price for entering the party. That way you get to decide who gets their keys back at 2am, if anyone. I don't think I'd plan on going to bed at 10pm... I don't think I'd sleep until I knew there weren't going to be any issues.

    Off topic, but I once had a group of "friends of friends" over (as an adult), and one guy decided he was ok to drive when we all agreed he clearly wasn't. My husband had two big "bouncer" type friends "remove" his keys from him and then they called his wife to come get him (which everyone assured me was worse for him than just calling the police). My point is that things can quickly get out of hand (even with adults; never mind teenagers), and you don't want it on your conscience that someone ruined lives by having a DUI resulting in death(s).

    Have you thought about limiting the number of people at the party to 20, and insisting that it be a sleep over tent party? That way you're limiting your exposure to risk. Seriously, who wants their kids driving home at 2 or 3 in the morning anyway?

    Then again, my comments are clearly coming from someone who has young kids and very limited experience dealing with teenagers.

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    I'm not going to bed at 10 - I don't live at this property, there is no where for me to sleep - I just wasn't sure what was a reasonable time to say "party over" to teenagers these days. I will be awake until the bitter end.

    If my kid wants to pitch a tent or two, he's welcome to, but if a kid can't drive home - I will be acting as cabbie... I already figured that. I would rather it not be a sleep over tent party - there will be girls and I'm just not comfortable with that quite yet

    I am not at the party as anything other than go-to in case of emergencies - I will not be providing alcohol nor monitoring anybodies alcohol intake. I do not condone underage drinking and I am going in with the assumption that if the teenagers have alcohol it was provided by their parents who know where they are and know what they are doing... (aside - I'm shocked at how many parents of teens actually buy their kids alcohol these days - and yes, I've confirmed this with the parents, not just the kids).

    I'm pretty sure that by not providing the alcohol nor condoning it's intake, I'm off the hook legally.... I still am considering the sign at the end of the driveway though, just for piece of mind.

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    Since you are going to be there to keep a watchful eye and
    you think some kids might bring alcohol then maybe the thing to do is to make sure you do your best that it doesn't happen .before they enter property ( show your bags, show your pockets) put a sign no alcohol allowed or you will be sent home period. if you do find them drinking sent them home in a cab.

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    Just checked with hubby(cop) you defiantly can be charged. Especially with contributing the the delinquency of a minor or the case of drinking and driving and an accident even worse....

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    by providing a sign don't drink and drive could be interpreted as if you're allowing the under aged kids to drink. If there is going to be a lot of kids, chances are not every kid is going to be on his best behavior. Do you really want to drive drunk kids home or puking in your car. For the piece of mind keep all their car keys.
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    Never mind - I guess I was worried for nothing - its going to be him and a few friends tenting it. Him and around 10 of his buddies will be having a camp fire and spending the night.
    I'm still going to stick around to be sure that nothing else goes on.
    This is a good group of boys and it looks lik I didn't need to work myself up after all.
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    phew, that sounds a lot better!

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    The next time .... taking keys when kids arrive is a great idea and what I would /will do.

    I think offering a (fairly) controlled environment to let your kid show how responsible he can be is a great thing while letting him have that independence and some fun. My parents were you a few decades back - and I so appreciated it!
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    For future, I love the idea of taking their keys when they arrive. And maybe recruit a few of your own friends, have a games night or something while the kids party, and have a few 'cabbies'...

    I don't think it's bad or wrong to do this stuff btw, I just think now a days people get in trouble more for stuff than they did back in the day, and I was picturing more in the city than it sounds like this is, I think.
    I hope he has a great time!
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    How did it go? I hope they all had fun.
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    I'm not sure if it's done or if it is still a small thing, but if he ever does want a bigger party I'd recommend a few big garbage bins and toilet paper. Maybe bug spray and hand sanitizer if you're feeling really generous. And I wouldn't worry about it going late, it gets damn cold out and girls don't like covering up their party clothes with parkas, so they'll go home and then the party is over. At least, that's how I remember bush bashes going.

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