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  1. #1
    Senior Member
    White Daisy's Avatar
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    Default blending children with different rules

    I couldn't decide if this post should go in here or single parenting. Because we're not step-parenting but its not about my own children.

    I am a single mom with kids. I am dating a guy who has a 4 year old daughter who he has every other weekend. His daughter is his world. She lives several hours away so there is no option of him seeing her more. Because of this he tends to make sure she is very happy during her time with him. This means she basically calls the shots. She doesn't come across as spoiled. Shes actually a really sweet girl. But when they are with us, there are different rules for her as there are for my own kids. For example, she doesn't have a bedtime. My kids do. This caused an issue last time she was here. She gets to eat chips as a snack. My kids do not. So she ate chips and I let my kids too because she was allowed. Nothing major is happening but lots of little things. I just worry that eventually this will become big things. And what if we ever decide to move in together? How would that work.

    I have lightly approached the topic and he explained that because he doesn't see her often and it was a while before he was even allowed access (not because he did anything - biomom refused access for a while) that he just can't help but try to make her very happy. I think its too early in our relationship to really make this an issue or be overly concerned but tbh I am concerned about how this will go down the road and wonder if I should just let it bounce off me for now or say something.

    Thoughts? Advice?

  2. #2
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
    sittingpretty's Avatar
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    Do you live together?

    If not the simple answer is he can choose to only have access at his own place or he can change the way he does things.

    If you live together or plan to then things need to change for a few reasons:

    your kids will grow to resent her if it continues

    as she gets older she will expect more than just chips as snack etc

    its not fair to her or her mother to go back to moms 150% off center from being spoiled and calling the shots all weekend and it will be more of an issue once she starts grade 1.

  3. #3
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    Your partner isn't doing his DD any favours and I agree, your kids will grow to resent her. If this is early on in the relationship I might just leave it be but eventually you will have to talk to him. Kids need rules. They crave them. They feel safe when there are limitations. He can show his DD she matter by loving her. Not by making her the boss.

  4. #4
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    Mar 2011
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    I would assume just like any visitor to your house that they would follow the “house rules“. If you were both smokers and you decided not to smoke in the house but he did at his house would it then be allowed for him to smoke inside your house?

    another thing to consider is that Dads have a weak spot for their daughters

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