View Poll Results: Do you feel a connection??

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  • Yes I totally feel connected!!!

    42 77.78%
  • No not really, maybe I am missing the mom gene.

    1 1.85%
  • I am stuck in the middle...

    11 20.37%
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  1. #1
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    Default Do you feel a connection??

    I ask this because I feel totally connected with my son. When I am at work all I can think about is getting off of work and seeing him. I wish I could leave early to get him to spend more time with him. Its not like I don't love my daycare provider she does an awesome job. I have even moved his bedtime back so I could spend more time with him, and I love my days off with him.

    My sister on the other hand according to my brother in law who is worried that she is going to leave my nephew in a mail box somewhere doesn't feel the same kind of connection. She loves her son but doesn't feel the connection in the same way.

    Do some of us have the mom gene and others don't? I just can't imagine not wanting to spend my free time with my baby. I would rather pay for a full day of daycare and only have him there for 5 hours and have him home with me the rest of the day, then leaving him there for the full day as well. I know waste of money but I want to bond more with my son.

  2. #2
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    How old is your sister's baby? New right? And didn't she have problems with something, the birth? I forget but remember you saying something about that.
    I think that can affect the way you look at your child. It could be PPD or if the baby is still little and in that crying all the time, no sleep stage, all mothers feel like "what did I do". Well I know I did. I loved my baby so much but I felt like he was so hard to deal with when he was crying and not sleeping. I need my sleep! I said i would not have more kids and look at me now!
    Also, a traumatic birth experience can often make a mom a bit resentful. I'm terrified of that actually. After my c-section I sort of was like oh is the baby healthy, well what about me??? I didn't feel the instant love.

    But all in all I do think some mothers don't have that mom gene, the ones who leave their babies everyday to go out and party and who put themselves first always. That could also just be irresponsibility.

  3. #3
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    Eva, yes she did have issues during birth but I really don't think that is the reason. Trust me this woman has never had a maternal bone in her body when I was growing up. lol Coopers mom knows.

    I just was wondering if there are more like her out there, just curious.

  4. #4
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    Oh no judging here no matter what you post, I am just curious is all.

    ETA: ok nobody wants to share a post or story? just voting????

  5. #5
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    Ok, I will be brave!

    I voted for I am in the middle, because neither of the other two seem to fit me!

    I love my kids, I love being with them, which is a good thing because at least 2 of them are with me 24/7, and more often than not I have all three with me (to be joined by a fourth hopefully sometime soon!). At the same time, I also appreciate any "me time" I get (I think the last me time I had was on Christmas Eve).

    DH and I are separated so I am on my own with them most of the time. Because of circumstances, he doesn't have anywhere he can take them to so if he wants to see them he comes here, and although I feel like I should leave the effort involved at 9 months pregnant - and where would I go? - just doesn't seem worth it! For some reason it never dawns on him to borrow my car and take them all somewhere.

    But the situation you describe doesn't apply to me. I wouldn't cut a planned event short just to be with them, although having said that, I did do that in the past when I only had one, so maybe it's the sheer numbers that are doing me in?! Or the constant fighting?! (between them I mean )

    At the same time, I don't think I am like your SIL and would leave them in a mailbox!

    I guess it comes down to personality. I really appreciate quiet time and there is very little of that in my life so I value it more. I'm just that kind of person. If they were away at day care every day it might be different, but I've never had that so I can't say.

    I don't think I'm explaining myself very well, which is why I didn't leave a post when I voted!

    Alison

  6. #6
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    I wondered about the age of sisters babe, her birthing experience, babe's disposition and ppd too.

    In my case I will admit I didn't feel that immediate surge of love everyone talks about when I was handed Belle. I was exhausted, confused, drugged and I had this intense little baby literally staring me down. I felt like she knew something I didn't and I felt intimidated by her. It took a little while for that connection to grow into what now is the most stupendous, tremendous love. A love I never knew could exist until I had a child. Maybe I am pathetic but I have no real interest in doing things without her, I think about her all the time and talk about her all the time. My husband feels the exact same way. On those rare occasions when we do go out together we always end up talking about her, wondering what she's doing and saying we can't wait to get back home to her.

    So yes, I feel more than connected.

  7. #7
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    With my dd I think I had that connection (as a baby) It was almost overwhelming (for lack of a better word) how much I loved my baby. But she is now an extremely strong willed toddler and sometimes I just need that break from her.....not that I don't love her....I just need a break at times.

    DS was a completely different experience - I felt a connection but different. I had a lot of extenuating circumstances with his pregnancy and birth - complete placenta previa, bed rest for 2 months, my father was palliative and passed away the day before my planned c-section...then get discharged so I can make it to the funeral....so it was a roller-coaster for me. I think I was more just on survival mode and didn't have that bonding time with him at the beginning because I had so many other things to process.

    I am saying in the middle because I love my kids, but I do need my breaks from them. But at the same time when I am gone I find myself thinking of them (or if out with the girls we all end up talking about the kids).

  8. #8
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    I voted in the middle....

    Dont get me wrong... I love my son... and as time goes by, I love him even more... (I don't think I had the instant connection when he was born.. it took time)..

    But saying all that.... I don't think about him all day when I'm at school (actually to be honest, I usually dont think about him when I'm at school or work).... I can go out for dinner or out for the weekend with friends or my hubby and not long to be with him.....

    But i do like spending time with him.... and if I'm away for the weekend... I do miss him....


    "The secret to having it all... Is knowing you already do."

  9. #9
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    Honestly.. ti depends on the day...somedays I just want to be with all the time and other times I am content with him being at daycare and me at work...Also depending on HIS mood...there are days when I drop him off at daycare and I say Good luck to his teachers... How terrible is that....and then other days I stay and play with him a bit...

    I am lucky though that I can see him anytime during the day.. He is just down the hall from my infant room where I work.. and sometimes I say I Have to go to the bathroom when I know he will be coming in from outside just so I can see him.

  10. #10
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    DS- becasue I knew I was giving him to my fosterparents at birth I never really had the connection with him. I love him hes my son but its not like dd.

    With DD i love her to death (well thats obivious by the fact I fought for over 3yrs for custody) but that doesnt mean I would stop an important event to spend time with her. I have no issue if we are apart for whatever reason stopping and calling her as I did when I met Ted Nolan and Susan Aglukark but I also dont count the minutes till she gets back either yes I love being with her but I need adult time too.

  11. #11
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    I do have the connection, but that being said, I can be away from him- and think I should be away from him sometimes!

    The connection happened for me a lot faster than I ever expected. I was prepared to feel like a stranger to Justus... but almost the moment he was handed to me we connected.

    He was crying until the moment I started to speak to him. When he heard my voice he immediately stopped crying and turned to look at me. He didn't feel like mine... but I was already his. Most beautiful moment of my life.

  12. #12
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    Christa - your post made me bawl!!!
    He didn't feel like mine... but I was already his
    That is a perfect description of a child's first minutes of life. Love it, love it, love it!

    To add my two cents, with Clark I did immediately feel a bond. I lost both of my parents at young ages (my dad in 1996 when I was 15, and my mom in 2002 when I was 21) and I missed the parent-child bond more than I realized. The minute Clark was put in my arms, it was back, and it was incredible.
    That said, I am able to be away from him (I think all mom - all parents - need some "away" time) but I certainly start to miss him when I am!

    Jacqueline



  13. #13
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    I didn't feel that instant connection either. I didn't get to see him for an hour after his birth (actually same with all 3 of them, taken to NICU) I can't honestly remember how long it took with my first, he was colicky from the start, I had more crying then him I think. With my 2nd I felt a bit more connected but not instant either. With my third I did. Now I enjoy going out and getting a bit of time to myself, but find myself missing them, and anxious to get back home!
    Stacey

  14. #14
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    i voted yes, As soon as i saw Benjamin i fell in love with him. He just looked at me and it was all over! I know that i woild love him but i didnt now how much untill we had him!

    The thing is am afraid i wont love this baby as much! Do you have enough love for all kids? That might be stupid but im not sure!

    I think that we all need time to our selfs, that doesnt mean we love our kids less. It just mean that we are humans and we need our space too!
    Tiffany
    Mom to Ben, Jonathan and Zachary


  15. #15
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    I voted yes - I don't know when it happened really. I remember being in complete shock staring at her all day in the hospital. Just shock, total surrealness that this was my child. I couldn't get enough of her, but I do recall going through a phase where I was having a lot of trouble bf'ing and there were tears, blood, and not nearly enough sleep, where I told my husband in the wee hours that I wasn't sure I loved her yet... but then the sun came up, I looked at her and I was in love all over again.
    I know a couple moms who can leave their babies for week long vacations, weekends away, etc... where, I turn up her monitor really loud when she's napping just so I can hear her breathe. One is not better than the other. In all honestly, I'm working on this bc I go back to work soon and I've got to start separating. I do enjoy time away from her, but I think about her about 75% of the time when I am. I'm really interested to see what happens with the next kids.

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