I think my kids have PAS...what do I do?

[MomLiz]

Just a little background...this was my post:

http://forum.londonmoms.ca/113218-my-sons-dad-took-him

My older son has lived on and off with his Dad for about 5 years. He used to beat up his younger brother and I couldn't get him to stop. His Dad was supposed to "straighten him out". It didn't work. He's always been a little snotty towards me and has acted like he loved me sometimes and resented me other times.

Fast forward to July and the younger boys Dad took him in the middle of the night. From that day forward I have had zero contact. He won't talk to me. He won't visit me. His Dad has a new GF he's been living with for the last 6 months. My son is now calling this woman Mommy on Facebook and making lovey dovey posts towards her.

I could understand it if we had some kind of fight but there was nothing. He went from being my sweet little boy to wanting NOTHING to do with me overnight.

In the days leading up to him leaving 3 days before he left I was sick and he walked down to the dollar store and bought me a box of chocolates with his own money. 2 days before he left we had a big grad party at the house for his grade 8 grad and he was having a blast. The day before he left it was Canada Day and we had a fun family BBQ and watched fireworks together. There were no signs he was planning to leave. And his attitude towards me changed overnight.

I don't know if his Dad says negative things about me. We are headed back to court to renegotiate CS and visitation. Their Dad thinks he over paid me on CS and SS. I had a friend I haven't seen in 15 years email me to tell me she ran into him and his GF and they were laughing about taking me to court and talking about how much money they're going to get from me. I have no way of knowing if they talk like that around the kids.

I do know I've been continuing to let my DD visit him because I don't think it's fair to cut her off from her Dad the way her Dad has cut me off from my boys. She came home and said her Dad said I was going to go to jail for a long time. She asked me where she will live if I go to jail. I told her she will live the same place she lives now and that I'm not going to jail.

Now on facebook my younger son is posting things about his Dads new GF being his Mommy. And she posts things on all 3 of my kids walls about her being their Mom, Mommy or Momma. I'm pretty sure they are doing this on purpose to hurt me. I've asked her to stop but she won't.

I came across a few articles on Parental Alienation Syndrome and I am 1000% sure this is what I'm dealing with. What do I do? How do I go from here. Do I just try to get court ordered visitation and force kids who don't seem to want to visit me to visit or do I prove the PAS and have them removed from their Dad's home on the basis that they are being Emotionally Abused and then get them counselling to try to de-program them? And if that's the route to go how do I prove PAS?

[BabyLove]

I was going to bring up parent alienation. You can ask for a court ordered evaluation of your kids. You can also ask for a lawyer for them too I believe. I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like an absolute nightmare. Hugs.

[MomLiz]

Thanks Babylove. Right now the boys don't want to see me. From reading about PAS it sounds exactly how they describe the “Independant Thinker“. The court ordered evaluation sounds like a good idea. Thank you.

[Sunrise]

Your ex and his GF seem like a piece of work. Sorry that you're dealing with this - the stress must just be awful. I hope things work out for you.

[MomLiz]

Thanks Sunrise. My heart is broken. I had a couple rough days where I thought I was going to have to see a Dr. to prescribe something. I was having trouble controlling my tears. I've managed to pull myself together enough to function. I've found getting and seeking support has helped. Hearing that I'm not crazy and I'm not a bad Mom has given me strength. Educating myself on PAS has helped too and realizing where I have gone wrong in the past too and making a conscious decision to never make the same mistakes again.

[one ordinary girl]

I have no advice. I just wanted to send you some hugs.

[Sunrise]

Oh gosh Liz, you're not crazy. This seems like an extraordinary situation that your Ex has foisted on you (and inflicted on your kids). Honestly, I hope that the judge rips into him for the emotional crap he's been putting on all of your kids.

Don't feel bad about crying every once in a while - I think that with what you're dealing with it's normal. Big hugs to you!

[WateryTart]

That's freaking awful.

[sittingpretty]

im so sorry

I hope you are printing all the fb comments to show your lawyer to have them addressed in court asap

[Ginny]

Oh my god. I'm sorry.

Agree with sittingpretty, take screenshots of everything you can, and ask for the court ordered evaluation.

Big hugs. I can't imagine.

[desalena]

I am going through the same thing with my 2.5 yrs old. She comes back from one visit of 4 hrs and says things like “mama *****“ “mama witch“ “no talk to mama“ ect...it is awful. Her behavior is changing and she is becoming distant from me and not wanting to hug me or kiss me. She says “mama don't ask questions“ when I see she is not feeling good or is angry. My situation is different from Liz because my daughter is too young to really talk her mind and too young to go to therapy. But she is smart for her age. Nothing can be done at this time for me and I just finished (after 2.5 yrs) my custody battle with my ex. Now I have to deal with the parental alienation I beleive that this is happening more than we think. I've been seeking Social workers guidance but they too say that we can't do anything in my situation since she is too young. But if she was older and able to talk...I would definatly bring him to court. Cheer up Liz...you have the right to be sad and cry...and there is nothing wrong having a little medical boost. hugs...

[MomLiz]

Thanks guys. I just started print screening the comments. I want the boys to have a good relationship with their Dad's new GF obviously but not at the expense of my relationship with them. She's been in the picture for 3 months and it seriously tears my heart out to see these “you're the best Mommy“ type comments. I feel like I've lost them both and theres no going back. I'm just hoping against hope once we're in front of a judge and my ex gets a ruling about the $ stuff he will shut up and things will simmer down enough that I can see my kids. I think going back to court has stirred up all his old hate against me and the boys are hearing it or sensing it and that's why they won't see me. Does anyone know if there's a good lawyer that specializes in PAS?

[desalena]

I would call the Firms in London and ask them directly Liz.

[MomLiz]

Please wish me luck or say a prayer for me. I have my case conference tomorrow. I'm self representing as I can't afford a lawyer especially when you factor in the costs of paying him to drive to a different city. I feel like David facing Goliath. I feel like I have the law on my side. What my ex did meets every criteria for the definition of abduction from the criminal code of Canada. Plus he disregarded our court order and I've heard judges don't like it when people take the law into their own hands. I've heard police are just hesitant to get involved in domestic things unless the order specifically tells them to. Wish me luck and say a prayer. If all goes well my son will be home by this time tomorrow.

[Chantelle]

Please wish me luck or say a prayer for me. I have my case conference tomorrow. I'm self representing as I can't afford a lawyer especially when you factor in the costs of paying him to drive to a different city. I feel like David facing Goliath. I feel like I have the law on my side. What my ex did meets every criteria for the definition of abduction from the criminal code of Canada. Plus he disregarded our court order and I've heard judges don't like it when people take the law into their own hands. I've heard police are just hesitant to get involved in domestic things unless the order specifically tells them to. Wish me luck and say a prayer. If all goes well my son will be home by this time tomorrow.

Good luck! I really hope your son comes home with you tomorrow!