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  1. #16
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!

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    I think how we would feel is kind of beside the point. I think in your heart you know what feels right for you and I think you need to go that route. Like SP said you can't make your DH do it, he'd agree to it because he loves you.

    Private adoption I believe can be around 10 grand. Last I checked international adoption usually starts around $20 grand. I think unless you were to adopt through CAS any route will cost money. For you -maybe it's worth something to have your “what if“ answered.

    I think if I was in your place where you want your bio child, to see what you plus your DH equalled it would be worth the reversal to have “is this possible for us“ answered.

    I think you and your DH need to keep this between you, it's not MIL's place, and I think I would not go any route until you both are really on the same page.

    That's my2cents..
    Last edited by my2babies; 10-04-2012 at 08:08 PM.

  2. #17
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    I think you need to look at what you are committed to do to be a parent. and you need to grieve the idea of losing to a bio child long before you go on the adoption journey and never go back to what if what if.
    We had Owen in 2005 and tried for 3.5 years to conceive a second child. We had CAS in our house on dec 19 doing paperwork to get started on the fostering and adopting journey only to get pregnant that month. Now we are back on the adoption journey. LOL ONce you get the adoption bug you will probably never look back . Your path will be straight and you will be guided on it. I also have friends of my mom who went 10 years trying to conceive, went to internation adoption - successfully adopted and conceived while over on the legal trip. So they have 2 girls who are only 6 months apart. LOL
    Good luck whatever path-bio or adoption who choose. There are many opportunities to adopt children who need forever families. If you have the heart, skill and are teachable you just never know what may come from being on the adoption journey.Been there doing that and have the t shirt. BTW this is my 3 rd time being on the adoption journey.

  3. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivveyy View Post
    its also not selfish to want you own bio child either. just putting that out there.

    ...Never said it was.

  4. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mommato4 View Post
    You have to do what feels right to you and dh.

    For us we did the ivf route with no baby.

    We adopted through cas. There is no cost to the family as well. You do however need to take Pride trainning.

    In Nov. In Toronto there is a huge adoption conference where cas agencies gather and show some of the children they uave for adoption.

    One nice thing that is happening with cas is that they are starting to places more foster with a view placements.

    One thing to keep in mind if you go with a cas adoption is that some children are born with disabilities.

    We also looked into a China and Kazastan adoption.

    Cas number is 519-455-9000 ext. 776

    It is wortha call to see what you are getting into and answer some of your questions.

    Hugs
    I am completely interested in this, thanks for letting us know about the conference. How exactly would we go about looking it up? I'd love to attend.

  5. #20
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    This is the A.R.E. that I mentioned in my post. Often they are children who haven't been adopted in there own area and the search for a family is widened to other areas.

    CanadaAdopts has a good forum where you can get answers to your questions. I think it is suggested that you are at least in the training period before you go to the A.R.E.

    Foster or Adopt a Child | The Children's Aid Society of London & Middlesex

    hat Is the Adoption Resource Exchange Conference?

    The Conference is a semi-annual event hosted by the Ministry of Children and Youth Services that helps locate and match adoptive families with Ontario children needing adoption.

    Who can attend?

    The conference is open to anyone interested in adopting a child from Ontario. However, it is primarily for those who have completed a homestudy assessment through a Children’s Aid Society or an approved private adoption practitioner.

    Onsite registration is required. Pre-registration is not required.

    When and where does it take place?

    Toronto
    Sunday, October 14, 2012
    8:30 — TBC
    Metro Toronto Convention Centre
    North Building
    255 Front St. West


    What resources are available at the conference?

    At the ARE, children are presented through videos, photographs, descriptions and displays.

    Children’s aid societies from across the province provide information through videos and display booths about Ontario children in need of adoptive parents.
    Children’s Aid Society adoption workers are available to answer questions about the children presented.
    General information regarding adoption and other services for children and families in Ontario.
    Who can complete a Child Response form regarding a child profiled at the conference?

    Only individuals who have completed a homestudy assessment through a Children’s Aid Society or an approved private adoption practitioner may complete the form.

    Need more information?

    Contact Maureen Black at maureen.black@ontario.ca or 416-325-7084.

  6. #21
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    As an admin on a board for 1000's of foster and adoptive parents I also reccomend that you research a LOT about Fetal alchol syndrome , reactive attachment disorder, how trauma effects kids long term and any other possible mental health disorder.

    Trauma can trigger mental health issues such as bipolar earlier than they would normally show mix that with what ever else the child may face it can be VERY difficult, do not trust the case workers to necessarily tell you everything either I have more than foster parent come on the board freaking becasue they got a child to only find the child was beyond difficult and they had to disrupt.

    Also don't expect going out of country will avoid these issues RAD is as common if not more in children who were raised in orphanages and quiet often the orphanages want the kids adopted so they omit info.

    Im not saying this to scare you I am saying it becasue my own child has Bipolar, FASD, ADHD, PTSD, senorsy issue and attachment issues I have days where hell would probably be nicer than my home.

  7. #22
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
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    As an admin on a board for 1000's of foster and adoptive parents I also reccomend that you research a LOT about Fetal alchol syndrome , reactive attachment disorder, how trauma effects kids long term and any other possible mental health disorder.

    Trauma can trigger mental health issues such as bipolar earlier than they would normally show mix that with what ever else the child may face it can be VERY difficult, do not trust the case workers to necessarily tell you everything either I have more than foster parent come on the board freaking becasue they got a child to only find the child was beyond difficult and they had to disrupt.

    Also don't expect going out of country will avoid these issues RAD is as common if not more in children who were raised in orphanages and quiet often the orphanages want the kids adopted so they omit info.

    Im not saying this to scare you I am saying it becasue my own child has Bipolar, FASD, ADHD, PTSD, senorsy issue and attachment issues I have days where hell would probably be nicer than my home.

  8. #23
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    flip a coin. if you are happy with what comes of it go with that. If you are not happy with the coins answer then you know that you are really wanting the other answer and go with that one

  9. #24
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    you should look into a fertility doctor and get ALL the facts/options first...can you do sperm retreval instead of a full reversal?, how severe is you pcos? what will your treatments will entail? would it be cheaper or even an option to use donor sperm? i get wanting to have a BIO child, i personally would also love to adopt one day...in the end only YOU two can decide whats best for your family...do your research and im sure you'll find the answer
    Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
    -- Author Unknown


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