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  1. #1
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    Default HELP! Seperation Anxiety

    DS is 10.5 months old, I am returning to work in a month and he will not stay with ANYONE, not even dad at the moment! He has always been clingy, especially at bedtime so I have not really had an opportunity to leave him in the last 10 months. He is better with dad during the day, but will not stay with grandma at all. What am I supposed to do? Grandma has been coming over a couple times a week to try to get him used to the idea of her watching him, but he screams the whole time I am gone, yesterday he screamed and cried for 40 minutes until I came home.

    We have tried to have him play with grandma for 20 minutes before I leave, I give him a kiss, tell him I am leaving for x long and will come back soon and leave. As soon as I am out the door he is inconsolible. Grandma has tried to distract with every toy in the house, with the shower (he likes water) turning the tv on, music, vaccum (he loves to vaccum), everything!

    its frustrating and heartbreaking at the same time...


    (if it helps he is breastfed but only morning and night now)

  2. #2
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    I know this isn't what you want to hear, and probably isn't the easiest thing to hear, but he's going to cry and he will get used to it. You're doing everything properly right now, have grandma come over, and leave, go to the store or just walk around the mall....eventually he will stop crying and he WILL realize you ARE coming back home. I would be doing this more and more with Dad too! Especially at bedtime, leave after you feed him, and actually leave the house if you need to, and let Dad take care of it. There will be 2 or 3 really crappy nights, but all the sudden he'll be fine.
    I know its not the easiest thing to do, but it will work and he will realize his world won't end
    Good luck and stay strong!




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    It is so hard! My dd had a phase like this too and so did ds when he started daycare. Don't give it a lot of hype, just be calm, use a low voice and simply tell him Grandma is here and you will be leaving but will be back after nap/lunch/snack/whatever and then quietly leave. Imo you are doin the right thing especially since you are not quietly trying to sneak out on him. People seem to think that this is best but IMO and IME they end up with more anxiety thinking each time you leave a room you are leaving them. Just something to keep in mind.



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    thanks! Its just so heartbreaking! today he cried when grandma walked thru the door. I didnt leave, we both just played with him to try to get him to not “hate' grandma lol.

    I would have left him with DH a long time ago, but DH does not handle crying babies well. I fear for both of them in that case, so I have limited the time I leave as much as possible, leave it during the day ect. During the day is he ok with dad, no issues (other than the last day or two) but I can not and would not leave at bedtime.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LaLa View Post
    thanks! Its just so heartbreaking! today he cried when grandma walked thru the door. I didnt leave, we both just played with him to try to get him to not “hate' grandma lol.

    I would have left him with DH a long time ago, but DH does not handle crying babies well. I fear for both of them in that case, so I have limited the time I leave as much as possible, leave it during the day ect. During the day is he ok with dad, no issues (other than the last day or two) but I can not and would not leave at bedtime.
    You're a lot more accomodating than I would have been, but I think everyone knows on here that I'm a bit of a hardass lol
    TBH, Dad needs to get used to a crying baby, and get over it lol It is what it is, he isn't sick, injured or dying, he's just upset, it will blow over, it always does. I don't think you should be limiting the time you leave. Leave when you want to and when it's appropriate, he is going to have to get used to it. I'm not saying be mean about it, but you explained to him that grandma or dad is there and you'll be back, give him a hug and a kiss, wave bye, and out the door you go!
    I think I would have lost my mind if I hardly left or was hardly away from my DS, and I consider my DS to be an amazingly behaved child....we all need time away....if not just for our own sanity.
    You're going to have to go through it eventually, if not for daycare, then school. I think it's better to have a well adjusted child that is okay being away from parents for a while, they're going to have to be away from us eventually!




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