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  1. #1
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    Default whats your take on taking babies/children to funerals??

    i have a 7 month old and a 2.5 year old. i have to go to a funeral for my grandmother out of town, toronto. i have to go, well i want to go, and i don't want to miss it for the world, as i want to show my respects and kiss her one last time. i just don't know what to do about the kids. services are late in the evening from 4-9pm monday, then the next morning of tuesday from 9am til 12ish i believe (the last viewing and burial part).

    so i dont know what to do about the kids. do i bring them? do i not? do i talk to them about death in a kid way that "grandma is sleeping" etc if they do come to the funeral?...or do i not introduce her to this part of life til she is older and just keep her outside. im sure she wont stay put even if we bring her inside, so i will have to take turns with my husband in some way. the times also go into their bedtime so i dont know if to rather put them to sleep? but that just cuts into my ability to spend with my grandma . we werent anticipating this event and now we dont know how to deal with it)

    anyone have any tips/advice?? to bring the kids or not.......(we dont have a sitter also and they do have to come to toronto with us....)...

  2. #2
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    If it were me, I'd get a sitter for at least the toddler. funeral's are hard enough without worrying about a 2 year old who can't sit still and be quiet.
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  3. #3
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    If you can and want to leave them elsewhere then do. But if you can't then take them with. Maybe dont stay for the whole thing. Also I doubt your 2.5 year old will remember it either way. My dd doesn't remember that she was ever an only child. Her sister was born when she was 2 years and 7 months. She keeps saying that “me and sister used to drink boobie milk together, and we're in Mommy's tummy together)

  4. #4
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    Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss

    Second, I'm in the same kind of boat. I'm wondering myself about what I will do when an inevitable funeral of a close family member arrives, on what to do with my kids (2 and 5). I feel like I don't want my 2 year old there (mainly because he's a lot of work) but I wonder whats best to do for my 5 year old. I don't know how to explain it to her but I've been told kids actually deal with death a lot better than us)
    All of the babysitters we would have (it's out of town as well) would be attending the funeral. I don't know how to deal with it either, sorry.
    tough times don't last but tough people do

  5. #5
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    7m old i'd take 2.5 y/o i wouldn't take if i could avoid it.

    they don't get it at that age. i know my ds1 would do somthing aweful and potentially upsetting to those closest to the disease. at that age i wouldn't worrie about the impact to them so much as their impact on others. and if you do bring her I wouldn't try telling her she is sleeping because she might try and wake her up. I would tell her maybe she has passed away.
    Last edited by DMSco; 07-08-2012 at 09:08 PM.
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  6. #6
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    So sorry for your loss. We JUST went through this on the weekend. Luckily for us, it was in London.
    I would say go up the night before, and go to the showing in the morning before burial. Bring non-noisey toys for the kids to play with, maybe even load a movie on the phone or portable DVD player for the 2.5 year old to listen to with ear buds?
    Are there older cousins could watch them in an adjoining room? could your SO watch them in the other room in case they start making noise? DH's grandfather passed away and his mother (his parents divorced 25 years ago, but she came to pay her respects and watch the little kids during the service in another room) I think that was great because then DH's sister could just be there and not worry about our nephew. We left DS at home with a sitter.




  7. #7
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    We've had a handful of funerals since the kids were born. When my FIL past, I brought DD2 (4mos), but not DD1 (2.5yo). I found that 2 was a tricky age. She wouldn't have understood the crying. He was young, it was fast and unexpected. It was very sad, ykwim?

    When my DH's grandma passed, MIL insisted we bring the girls and I was glad we did. They were 3.5 and 1.5. DD2 glossed over it all, DD1 was very curious but not remotely fazed by any of it.

    When my aunt passed away in December, we again brought the girls but not DS. He was nearly 2 and again, 2 is tricky. My girls were both great about the whole thing.

    Be careful about how you explain it. Don't say she's sleeping because she's not. Don't say she was sick, because sick will = death. If you're spiritual/religious, you can use that to explain it. I told the girls about souls leaving the body and going to heaven, becoming angels, so though we will see their bodies left behind, they aren't really there. ETA: we also explained that they weren't coming back and that people were going to miss them a lot, which is why they might be very sad and crying.

    It's really up to you and how easily you'll be able to handle them there.
    Last edited by AuntPetunia; 07-08-2012 at 09:29 PM.

  8. #8
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    I'd try very hard to arrange childcare for both although it seems under the circumstances that it's going to be tough. It'll end up being an experience that ends in frustration for all of you if you have to bring them. I certainly wouldn't choose to bring them, even if pressured by other family members.

  9. #9
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    I am so sorry for your loss.
    y
    I haven't read all the previous posts, sorry if I am repeating. Take them. Is your DH going? If not do ou have a cousin or someone else to help you?
    Talk to DD1 about it at her level - not grandma is sleeping, but grandma died. If you believe in heaven, now is the time to talk about it. My DD2 is 2.5 and my FIL passed away in February, she still talks about him and that he is in heaven. She calls him on her phone sings 'their' songs. DD1 is 5 and does talk about grandpa as well. They were both fine at the service. The visitation was very casual, and they made it a bit lighter. IME, visitations are not too bad for children, and with children being there it helps the those who are grieving. I am sure your relatives will be happy to see your children (not happy that it was this occasion, I am sure you know what I mean).

    Unfortunately, my girls have been to 3 funerals in less than a year. They also went to a funeral at 3 months old and 2.5yo and I would do it again.

    You need to do what feels right for you and your family.
    Last edited by Pomegranate; 07-08-2012 at 09:46 PM.

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