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  1. #1
    Expert Forum User The Ultimate London Mom!
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    Unhappy don't know how to handle the outbursts

    I have many of the issues that a previous poster has with her 6 year old daughter. My son is smart, kind and plays very well with other children. All of his childcare providers that I have spoken to are flabberghasted when I tell them what goes on at home.

    We had previously introduced him to Mario bros. WII and played it briefly. Well we have had to take it away bc he will literally not want to eat, sleep, go outside or do any other activity. When we turn it off bc we need to go somewhere he doesn't want to come bc all he is thinking about is the Wii.

    He is usually very pleasant in public, but today he had a meltdown in a store that he had to try on his tux for. Well it resulted in him punching and kicking me, in front of everyone. Then when i got him in the change room he bit me. This also happened 2 days ago at home where I was very calmly putting him in timeout. He hit me full out in the face, knocking my glasses off.

    How do you handle this when its happening and they are kicking and punching at you?

    He used to be great at bedtime, but now everything is a battle, from pj's to brushing teeth. He does sleep well, but aside from breakfast he always just wants snacks. He has also taken to yelling in my face and saying "NO" it seems he would fit inbetween the difficult child and easy child. He is a joy for everyone except mom and dad and these physical issues seem to be happening more frequently.
    I should also add that he does no chores and doesn't really have any other responsibilities in the home. I just don't know what to do......any thoughts would be great.
    ~ "A friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."~

    Anonymous......

  2. #2
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    Hi Anonymous
    I read your message with interest and I can understand your concerns. You described enough serious behaviours that it would be unwise for me to attempt to answer them in this format as there just isn't enough information to offer specific suggestions. I will however attempt to give you some general info that may help you in your search for ideas.
    There are 5 conventional approaches to addressing children's behaviour problems.
    1.MEDICAL - You take your child to a medical doctor and describe your concerns. The doctor then looks for medical reasons that may be causing the behavioural problems (eg. hearing, sight, seizures, blood work, urine tests, MRI, etc., etc.) If the doctor finds a medical problem that may be causing the behavioural problem and it is “fixable“, the solution will be a medical solution (ie. glasses, hearing aids, seizure meds, digestive enzymes, etc. etc.). The doctor may say that he/she cannot find any medical problems causing the poor behaviour but your description of the problems suggest your child may have a brain chemistry problem and will prescribe a medication to adjust the neurotransmitters in the brain (BIOCHEMICAL APPROACH). The meds MAY help with the behaviours of concern, however every medication brings side effects with it that can be troubling.
    The 3rd approach is COUNSELLING where you take your child to a trained therapist who will attempt to find out what your child is thinking and feeling and then help the child deal with his thoughts and feelings in a healthier way.
    The 4th approach is called SKILLS ACQUISITION in which a trained professional looks for a skill that the child is deficient in and develops a plan to teach the skill (eg. anger management, social skills training, etc.)and hopefully the behaviour problems improve.
    The 5th approach is called BEHAVIOURAL and it simply means that you figure out the best way to respond to inappropriate behaviours in order to reduce the probability of them being repeated AND the best way to respond to appropriate behaviours in order to increase the probability of them being repeated. This approach is very individualized because what works for one child may not work for another child.
    The first 4 approaches focus on changing something within the child whereas the 5th approach (BEHAVIOURAL) focuses on how the parents can change their responses to the child's behaviour.
    Parents often ask me which approach is best and my answer is always the same - none of them are the best, they all have strengths and limitations. Often times a combination of 2 or more approaches are needed.
    The help that i offer families is in the BEHAVIOURAL area and I would be happy to talk to you on the phone to explain the specifics of my assistance. My phone number is (519) 485-4678 and my website is Behavioural Management Systems - Rick Harper.
    I thank you for your question and hope this has cleared up some of the “fog“ and will help you decide in a suitable direction to look for help as the kinds of problems you described seldom just disappear spontaneously.
    Rick Harper

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